It is indeed a shame that travel is incumbent for young athletes who want to be on the elite roster. Yes, it is turning into a sport that only some can afford to compete in if they don't have some sort of sponsorship.
There is simply a lack of funds at state and national levels to give the support you would like to see. USA Judo is about 10,000 members. The state organizations are much smaller. Many states, they aren't even functioning. How are they supposed to get the money?
Fundraising for travel has to come from the clubs or parents. Mojica Judo Club out here in Baldwin Park does an awful lot of different things to try and raise funds for their kids to travel. Several other non-profit clubs in our area do the same thing.
Looking at the state organizations or national organizations for assistance isn't very fruitful. That said, they just came up with $4000 for support of 20 athletes @ $200 for a tournament.
As for the rules, I think most of us are in agreement that using IJF rules for youth isn't optimal. Some people are definitely voting with their feet.
If your sons stop competing in judo, I will miss their highlight reels! I'm sure they will do well in any grappling venue they compete.