OtherGround Forums Wives that are dead fishes in bed

3/19/17 3:11 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50751
My co worker (or me if it makes you feel better) has problems with his wife. She is over worked and over stressed. He tells me she does everything to get out of sex but sometimes she relents and tjat usually means she just lies on the bed motionless and lets him do his thing. He tells me she almost seems repulsed, like he is almost violating her.

It makes me sad cause I like both of them. I can genuinely see both sides. Guy is hard working and privides, he does the cooking and cleaning and wants to bust a nut some times. He gets frustrated and blows up.

Wife is a tiger woman and is ambitious. She is stressed from work and motherhood. Hubby can be condecending and the blow ups must get old.

Husband wants to go to couseling but wife doesnt.

I tell my friend to not go off on his wife and to leave when things are getting to the boiling point.

Sotuation has been goimg on since daugjter was born 5.5 years ago.

Any experiences with this?
3/19/17 3:13 PM
2/4/07
Posts: 23590
Wife is cheating and the daughter isn't really his

-The OG
3/19/17 3:15 PM
7/20/05
Posts: 1689

Sorry to hear your "co worker" is going through a rough time in his marriage. Hang in there... errr I mean tell him to hang in there 

3/19/17 3:17 PM
7/27/11
Posts: 25989

If you were attractive she wouldn't be a dead fish #burn

3/19/17 3:18 PM
8/5/13
Posts: 1830
Sandy Pantz - Wife is cheating and the daughter isn't really his

-The OG
This is correct.
3/19/17 3:19 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50752
Uhtred Ragnarson -

If you were attractive she wouldn't be a dead fish #burn

My friend is about 13 years older than his wife, he is in good shape for his age, but he is still 57. I dont think this is the problem though
3/19/17 3:19 PM
1/11/06
Posts: 4900

Yup - wife will cheat on him with a guy at work or related to work. She gets off from the work. Her failure to want the counseling shows she's already done with him. I've seen this situation before.

Too bad for your friend. He sounds like a great guy and what he's asking for is perfectly reasonable. He ought to get proactive and start mentioning divorce if his wife doesn't want the counseling; ithe divorce is coming anyway, so he may as well feel under control and start making choices.

by the way, the woman is in the wrong. Typical modern woman, not thinking there isn't a quid pro quo in a marriage.

3/19/17 3:21 PM
9/13/06
Posts: 22764

Have a conversation about it?

3/19/17 3:21 PM
11/9/05
Posts: 22539

Lets see here. Not only has she lost interest in sex, but shes repulsed by it. In addition, she has no interest in trying to remedy a clear problem in the marriage.

At best she is no longer in love and flat out dislikes her husband. And thats looking at the bright side while ignoring the massive neon flashing lights reading "IM CHEATING ON MY CLUELESS HUSBAND!"

3/19/17 3:22 PM
3/27/03
Posts: 34471

That guy should be banging chicks on the side... she's supposed to be the only one he can fuck for the rest of his life and she's pulling that shit?  

3/19/17 3:23 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50753
emu67 -

Yup - wife will cheat on him with a guy at work or related to work. She gets off from the work. Her failure to want the counseling shows she's already done with him. I've seen this situation before.

Too bad for your friend. He sounds like a great guy and what he's asking for is perfectly reasonable. He ought to get proactive and start mentioning divorce if his wife doesn't want the counseling; ithe divorce is coming anyway, so he may as well feel under control and start making choices.

by the way, the woman is in the wrong. Typical modern woman, not thinking there isn't a quid pro quo in a marriage.

He has been saying the end result will be divorce if things dont change.

I told him to get a seperation before things deteriorate any further. Perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder, or it will show that the marriage is over. Either way who wants to be in a fake marriage
3/19/17 3:24 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50754
TheOGs#1RoyalsFan -

Have a conversation about it?

The horse has been beaten to a pulp
3/19/17 3:25 PM
1/30/10
Posts: 2126

Marriage is scary 

3/19/17 3:27 PM
8/20/02
Posts: 12545

.

3/19/17 3:33 PM
11/9/13
Posts: 558
Tim Duncan -
TheOGs#1RoyalsFan -

Have a conversation about it?

The horse has been beaten to a pulp
It needs to be more than a conversation, they need to communicate and prioritize. It sounds like she's made her decision if she isn't even willing to go to counseling. He needs to be realistic about how he wants to live the rest of his life and be prepared to make the changes necessary to make that happen even if that includes divorce. Everyone deserves to be happy sometimes that's together sometimes it's not.
3/19/17 3:41 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50759
arlovskiwonmyheart -
Tim Duncan -
TheOGs#1RoyalsFan -

Have a conversation about it?

The horse has been beaten to a pulp
It needs to be more than a conversation, they need to communicate and prioritize. It sounds like she's made her decision if she isn't even willing to go to counseling. He needs to be realistic about how he wants to live the rest of his life and be prepared to make the changes necessary to make that happen even if that includes divorce. Everyone deserves to be happy sometimes that's together sometimes it's not.
I agree. Problem is he will be raped in divorce. Wife brought 50k debt to marriage which he paid off. Since then I believe she has been a net negative financially even though she makes good money.

She basically told him if they divorce she will take daughter back to Dallas, I think she will try to get 50%, even though he bougjt house before they met. I dont think she can take 50% of house, only what they amassed in 6 years, but the child support and paying for all the flying will kill him.

I told him to talk to a few scumbag lawyers here so she cant use them later if things go south, he wont listen.
3/19/17 3:47 PM
5/18/12
Posts: 14375

tell him to get a side piece

3/19/17 3:49 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 50761
Jhay -

tell him to get a side piece

100% she would find out, small community
3/19/17 3:49 PM
11/17/10
Posts: 33409

this is a situation where getting an escort every so often is warranted and justified, IMO

 

i straight up told my wife that if we she ever got to the point of not wanting to bang me (unless i got fat, disgusting, let go of myself, became a loser, etc.), like many American wives do with their husbands, that I would seek out escorts/hookers to help me bust my nut

 

i would never hook up with a "normal" civilian woman, but I'd 100% go the hooker or massage parlor route if it ever happened

 

she was in total agreement with me and it hasnt been a problem

3/19/17 3:53 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 88672
Women are nuts basically. My ex and I went through a bout of this. I got her some spa days and relaxation time and did more around the house... And i communicated with her about it. It did help until she had her midlife crisis and abandoned the family
3/19/17 4:06 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 11715
I tend to have a pretty low sex drive, and Im a guy...so I can kind of understand that, but if she does indeed "almost seem repulsed" when it happens then...yeah that's not good.
3/19/17 4:07 PM
7/10/02
Posts: 17274
Tim Duncan - 
Jhay -

tell him to get a side piece

100% she would find out, small community

So? She should even agree to that. Since sex with her man "repulses" her, let another woman have that disgusting "work".
3/19/17 4:08 PM
5/18/12
Posts: 14378
Tim Duncan -
Jhay -

tell him to get a side piece

100% she would find out, small community

So what? if he's going to get raped in the divorce either way then why not get a head start...

3/19/17 4:08 PM
11/9/13
Posts: 560
Tim Duncan -
arlovskiwonmyheart -
Tim Duncan -
TheOGs#1RoyalsFan -

Have a conversation about it?

The horse has been beaten to a pulp
It needs to be more than a conversation, they need to communicate and prioritize. It sounds like she's made her decision if she isn't even willing to go to counseling. He needs to be realistic about how he wants to live the rest of his life and be prepared to make the changes necessary to make that happen even if that includes divorce. Everyone deserves to be happy sometimes that's together sometimes it's not.
I agree. Problem is he will be raped in divorce. Wife brought 50k debt to marriage which he paid off. Since then I believe she has been a net negative financially even though she makes good money.

She basically told him if they divorce she will take daughter back to Dallas, I think she will try to get 50%, even though he bougjt house before they met. I dont think she can take 50% of house, only what they amassed in 6 years, but the child support and paying for all the flying will kill him.

I told him to talk to a few scumbag lawyers here so she cant use them later if things go south, he wont listen.
If that's her attitude, she's already done with the relationship and knows he can't do much about it. Time to lawyer up.
3/19/17 4:09 PM
7/27/11
Posts: 25990
itskrisdude -

Lets see here. Not only has she lost interest in sex, but shes repulsed by it. In addition, she has no interest in trying to remedy a clear problem in the marriage.

At best she is no longer in love and flat out dislikes her husband. And thats looking at the bright side while ignoring the massive neon flashing lights reading "IM CHEATING ON MY CLUELESS HUSBAND!"

I like itskrisdude. I support this post. He knows what he's talking about Opie.

Your frens wife is likely interested in another guy and wants to bang him, if she hasn't already.