UnderGround Forums I was the victim of a senseless random attack

7/19/13 10:40 AM
Posts: 34058
The day started like any other day, woke up at the last minute, drove 45 minutes to work, listened to Mike and Mike on ESPN radio, then did some noting exercises with a meditation app on my iPhone, rolled through the work parking lot in a trance, as ready as I can be for the new day.

By 7:50 a.m. the sunlight is overwhelming this little entry area that is guarded by a security camera, but after two quick turns into the building, I'm walking a long hallway that is barely lit by a couple old government-issue flourescent lights. If you've read Joseph Heller's Something Happened you'll remember him starting the book with those first words, "I get the willies when I see closed doors," and that's how I feel about long empty hallways with low lighting.

I start feeling like something horrible is going to happen and I pull out my phone, pretend to dial and begin having a pretend conversation with my dentist, "Oh hello Doctor Birdie, yes 9:00 will do, how have you been? Oh that is so nice to hear, I've just been training quite a bit at the gym lately," but I'm not actually talking to anyone, I'm just adding a pretended companion to the situation so I have some company in the dark hallway.

I'm just getting to the part where I tell him my wisdom teeth have been acting up again and my phone goes dead in my hand. I get this feeling in my stomach like my colon is on Mars, and the entire contents of my torso have shifted towards my loafers and now I'm sweating, looking for the exit door to the stairwell that takes me to the safety of my office.

I remember something Rickson said, can hear it in this doped up accent, "You have to find comfort in uncomfortable situations." Just then the flourescents go out, there is a click and the hum of a clanking generator and I'm alone in the red glow of the emergency lighting system. That's it, I'm fucked and I know it. Something bad is about to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

I log into MMA.tv, load a thread and see that for the second day in a row I have been voted down, lost three full votes again. Haven't even started a thread for a few days, I'm being stalked by a complete stranger. A reminder of how vulnerable we all are. Where is your Jiu-Jitsu now, playboy? You can't pull guard on a phantom.
7/19/13 10:48 AM
Posts: 1200
I don't know wether to punch you or kiss you Phone Post 3.0
7/19/13 10:56 AM
Posts: 34059
FanToFighter - I don't know wether to punch you or kiss you Phone Post 3.0

Do you think you could manage both at the same instant?
7/19/13 11:01 AM
Posts: 2573
Haha epic Phone Post
7/19/13 11:05 AM
Posts: 17610
"The day started like any other day, woke up at the last minute, drove 45 minutes to work, listened to Mike and Mike on ESPN radio"

You got voted down for listening to that instead of the Dan Patrick Show. Phone Post
7/19/13 11:07 AM
Posts: 34060
I don't like sports at all, I just like the sound of Greenie's voice.
7/19/13 11:08 AM
Posts: 1202
2JupitersTooMany -
FanToFighter - I don't know wether to punch you or kiss you Phone Post 3.0

Do you think you could manage both at the same instant?
Yup. I trane bro. Action and romance are in my veins Phone Post 3.0
7/19/13 11:24 AM
Posts: 17616
2JupitersTooMany - I don't like sports at all, I just like the sound of Greenie's voice.
Lol Phone Post
7/19/13 11:52 AM
Posts: 504
He's not a stranger. He's not some keyboard warrior who watches Submission101 videos on youtube and then tries a north south choke on his little sister. No Jupes, not at all. He's someone....very different

He knows you - knows you well. He's a lurker of the shadows. A man whose eyes pierce the veil of darkness. He's been following you since you were little. A smile graces his opaque face when you hurt and feel unsure of yourself. He waits in the dark for you to falter so he can take your back. He knows all your attacks and neutralizes them them. He knows your defense is always two steps ahead.

He is not just any man. He's the voice that whispers to you to wear a tapout shirt. Tells you that you can handle being green lit in the gym because you're a bad mother fucker. He's the reason you got that tribal tattoo. He is Dark Jupes. The side of yourself that you keep locked away from everyone else.

Link had a dark side. He found out about his dark side during his adventure with an ocarina to find that bitch Zelda for the 300th time. Dark Link almost killed Link. It took a herculean effort to dispatch him. And you'll have to do the same if you have any, ANY, chance of finding your Zelda. You understand?

Dark Jupes is here, has multiple fake accounts with copious amounts of VTFD to deliver your ass until you crumble. Dont crumble. Please, Jupes, don't crumble.

7/19/13 12:00 PM
Posts: 34061

Anyone born after 1970 has archaic remnants of Zelda in his unconscious.  Our generation of alchemists are all looking for this gold, whether they know it or not.


7/19/13 12:05 PM
Posts: 16525

I have started a movement to support Jupes in his endeavor. I started by refusing to tip a woman who makes a whopping $2.20 per hour without them. That'll teachum.


7/19/13 12:31 PM
Posts: 5522

This calls for an apology thread!

7/19/13 1:07 PM
Posts: 34062
Well played Zed. I Lawlored the shit out of my last waitress, regretting it now.
7/19/13 2:11 PM
Posts: 310
Nice one. Unfortunately my daily VU has already been spent on the OG today. These are rough times for everybody. Can't save 'em all.
7/20/13 2:32 AM
Posts: 34064
Show yourself coward Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 2:39 AM
Posts: 5184

LOL i love you 2 jupes. (slightly romo)

7/20/13 2:44 AM
Posts: 34065
I love you as well. Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 2:55 AM
Posts: 34066
Let's burn this shit down Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 3:19 AM
Posts: 34067
Oops wrong thread Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 5:31 AM
Posts: 21725

I was giddy as a schoolgirl when I dropped 30 something in a night and could still post.  I thought I'd beat the system.


So if that same phantom votes you down twice a week and no one else votes you up, you'll be down to 700 in a couple of years.  The horror.

7/20/13 5:36 AM
Posts: 1856
Lol legit op Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 9:18 AM
Posts: 709
well here's a vote up for your trouble.
7/20/13 1:54 PM
Posts: 34068
Thanks guys. The healing can begin. Phone Post 3.0
7/20/13 6:35 PM
Posts: 10638
What are noting exercises?

(and thanks for your consistent effort in providing forum entertainment!)
7/20/13 6:51 PM
Posts: 34069
I'll post something about noting when I can get to a computer but I friend of a friend, a brown belt in jiu jitsu, developed the free "mind blown" meditation app for the iPhone and it includes some videos. Phone Post 3.0