What if ... Rogan Abandons Amnesty Project, Blames Douchebags

7/8/14 4:13 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37219

Joe Rogan Abandons Tribal Amnesty Project, Cites Douchebaggery

by Mitch Cumstein

July 8, 2014

Editorials, Feature Stories, Spotlight

170 Comments

UFC color commentator and former Fear Factor host, Joe Rogan, visited an indigenous tribe in Papua New Guinea late last month.  He left abruptly after discovering the primitive village was “literally swarming with douchebags.”

“As a general rule, the Waruta people are covered in tribal tattoos,” said a social worker.  “Does that make them douchebags?”

He paused.

“I supposed maybe it does.” 

The pre-literate Waruta had lived for centuries without any outside human contact.  Rogan’s visit came as a complete surprise.

“He was throwing down cases of Alpha Brain, asking if anyone knew where he could get some Ayahuasca,” the social worker continued.  “The community felt threatened, they lit fires, covered themselves in mud, and invoked their ancient gods of protection.” 

The comedian left abruptly.

“Like I said,” Rogan explained, “every single one of these anonymous douchebags was wearing this big tribal mask, waving his spear around, yelling all this rude nonsense that wasn’t even clever.”

“If you’re going to be cunty, how about you say it to my face, Shaka Zulu.”

Local authorities agreed the place could “use a good flushing.”  And perhaps serendipitously, most of the tribe had perished from the common flu by early last week.

7/8/14 4:14 PM
10/17/11
Posts: 5816

cumstein delivers

7/8/14 4:14 PM
3/9/08
Posts: 8121
Elaborate troll is elaborate? Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 4:22 PM
1/27/14
Posts: 743
Did Hogan show them ancient kettle bell techniques?
7/8/14 4:26 PM
7/8/09
Posts: 3276
Was that supposed to be funny? It was so terrible it made me cringe.
7/8/14 4:27 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37220

I think it's a metaphor or something

7/8/14 4:53 PM
11/21/05
Posts: 6111
Some people can't handle the hard-hitting reporting of a pro like Cumstein. I guess they are just used to the fluff pieces proliferating and journo-blogging MMA media.
7/8/14 4:54 PM
12/15/09
Posts: 6302
I thought it was awesome, especially the part of them all dying because of the common cold.
7/8/14 5:00 PM
11/6/06
Posts: 7729
..... Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 5:02 PM
11/30/11
Posts: 10136
Well these got old fast unfortunatly Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 5:11 PM
12/14/12
Posts: 561
Genious Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 6:15 PM
7/27/07
Posts: 12901
I kinda agree with him on the tribal tattoos thing. Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 6:17 PM
10/23/07
Posts: 21971

Ignorant savages, glad Rogan told them where to go.

Its guys like these that give endangered tribes a bad name, no wonder folk get pissed off & like burn their rain forest rather than put up with this kind of nonsense.

 

7/8/14 6:17 PM
3/2/11
Posts: 24818
Jesus KO'd stayrad - Fucking hate this guy man. Literally is a waste of time. Why did I read this Phone Post 3.0

Lighten up man, was it the tribal tattoo thing?

7/8/14 6:22 PM
10/23/07
Posts: 21972

to what if

 

you dont mess with the rogans

 

he has taken over from dana as judge of what is acceptable on here

7/8/14 6:24 PM
3/2/11
Posts: 24821

smh

7/8/14 6:25 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37224
Is this really in what if? Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 6:27 PM
10/23/07
Posts: 21973

indeed

Rogans did not want this getting out it seems

 

 

7/8/14 6:34 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37225
What a fun forum this is now Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 6:38 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37227
RIP Cumstein, you had a good run my friend. Phone Post 3.0
7/8/14 7:21 PM
2/14/11
Posts: 13095
As the embers settle, only memories remain of a once great forum. Phone Post 3.0
7/9/14 4:00 PM
1/8/09
Posts: 9326
2JupitersTooMany -  If you’re going to be cunty, how about you say it to my face, Shaka Zulu.

 

haha.

7/9/14 4:26 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37228

I am sad seeing what this forum has become.  It used to be such a fun place tp goof off.  Maybe it's under the magnetic pull of the entire MMA universe, as things get watered down, so does this entire community.  Well I've had a lot of fun here with lots of great, creative people .  Time for something new.  Toodles :D

7/9/14 4:38 PM
5/14/06
Posts: 37229

I agree, thankfully a mod has told me that anything he posts will be deleted or moved to What If, so this forum won't be polluted with his nonsense anymore.

7/9/14 4:56 PM
11/30/11
Posts: 10155
2JupitersTooMany -

I am sad seeing what this forum has become.  It used to be such a fun place tp goof off.  Maybe it's under the magnetic pull of the entire MMA universe, as things get watered down, so does this entire community.  Well I've had a lot of fun here with lots of great, creative people .  Time for something new.  Toodles :D

Bye Phone Post 3.0