I was going to write about Mask, but it makes me too sad. I will again. Many years ago my mother introduced me to Shop Therapy. If you are really bummed out by someting like a divorce, buystuff, and you feel a little better. Nothing makes me happier than buying training gear, so I thought about buying some, and that got me to thinking that people buy a lot of gear, but may not have that full an idea of what is out there?

Some sports, like skiing, hockey, and F-1 racing require a lot of gear. Mixed Martial Arts is pretty cheap. But the days are past when all you needed to train was black speedos, a cup (preferably your own), a mouthpiece (very preferably your own), and a mat apparently  made of compacted MRSA.

In order to train properly, you must own the following:
mouthpiece with a case;
training gloves;
Boxing/thai gloves;
Shin pads;
and, definitely, a cup (if you are a guy);
grease.

MRSA and various other awful gweppies thrive where it is warm and dark and moist, like say the inside of a glove. It is important to get your own gear, and keep it dry. The own your own  is an immediately convincing argument where a cup and mouthpiece are concerned. Some people still share gloves and shins. Until they get MRSA.

If there were wild  giant hog dogs that roamed around your neighborhood taking bites out of your body whenever available, you would take some steps against them. For some reason, with MRSA doing the same thing, people still take a cavalier approach – oh well, as long as that big fanged hog dog hiding in the woods doesn’t bite my junk off, I am not going to worry about it that much.

Worry about it. Get your own gear. Then take care of that gear, but that is another story.

I want to touch very briefly on the categories of what is available out there, so when you look through a catalogue or online store or sporting goods store, you know what you are looking at.

The first thing you should get is a tub of vasaline. Whenever you do hard sparring, put a little bit on your gloves, and a little bit on the side of your nose, behind the ears, cheek bones, and over the eyes. This simple process will save you a lot of trouble.

First principle, higher end gear costs twice as much, but lasts many, many times longer. Cheap gear is actually a poor value. And it does not work very well. You wouldn’t feel very cool walking around in a pleather jacket, and it is not very cool to use anything but leather gear. The sole exception is shin pads; there are some very good artificial shins out there.

Also a leather mouthpiece is not recommended. Or a leather cup.

The first thing you should get is a good cup. Here is why.

My Groin, a Short Story
by Rob Lachlan

I've been practicing judo for about a year, and I've never seen any of the guys at my club wearing groin protection. Last week I had an experience which has led me to give the issue some serious thought. I posted my story at another forum, and many BJJ people told me I was crazy to train without a cup. In retrospect, I agree. Anyway, here's my story:

On Monday night (July 31) at judo we were doing randori and I got hit with the non-textbook version of uchi-mata. My randori partner was very apologetic, and a few minutes later (maybe ten?) I felt good enough to do a few more minutes of randori. And then for 2 days everything was peachy.

Thursday at noon I started to experience pain in my right testicle, pain which got very bad very quickly. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I vomited once from the pain before getting a ride to the hospital, and several times thereafter. After waiting a couple hours to be seen, I was examined by a doctor who set about trying to figure out which of two possible problems was causing my testicular pain:
1. Epididymitis: An inflammation of the convoluted duct which lies on the posterior surface of the testicle
2. Torsion: a twisting of the spermatic cord that supplies blood to the testicle.

The latter is generally more immediately dangerous. Based on my response to the cremasteric reflex, a test where he scratches my inner thigh, he concluded that it probably wasn't a torsion.

They sent me home with a morphine shot, and with instructions to get ultrasound done and see a urologist the next day. The morphine did nothing, besides making me feel a little warmer. The pain abated only very slightly.

Ultrasound the next day indicated that I had no blood flow in the right testicle; a torsion had occurred, twisting the blood vessels which supplied my right testicle and cutting off blood flow. And as soon as that discovery was made, I started getting extremely efficient service. Within an hour I was being prepped for surgery (at a different hospital as it happens), and being warned that should the testicle have died (a distinct possibility) it would have to be removed. I called my girlfriend immediately before being moved to the OR, and we agreed that this was disconcerting.

The last thing I heard before going under was a nurse asking "Do I have gum on my face?" I think that the question was directed to the anesthetist, but I never got the details, as a few seconds later I began to feel very heavy and lost consciousness, amid the general hilarity.

Within a few seconds of waking up (to the best of my recollection) I asked if my testicle had been saved. Three times I repeated this question, and each time I was reassured that yes indeed, my torsed testicle had been fixed and was still healthy. Within an hour after waking I was feeling great. This time apparently, my injury repaired, morphine was able to work its magic. And I was left with a strange craving for frozen yogurt shakes. I had two.

Currently I'm swollen and a little bit sore. I'm only starting to walk normally again. But who cares? I still have two testicles.

---

There are several basic styles of cup. Simplest is a supporter with cup. If you go this simplest route, make sure you get  a tuck under cup. Otherwise your opponent can play accidental three card monte, and at the end, one of your balls is gone.

Next up is a one piece. I tend  to favor these as they are comfortable and simple and at 12-25 bucks are the best value since a dollar in a nudie bar.

There are a large number of available compression shorts with a cup pocket. These too are an excellent choice, being comfortable and resistant to shifting. Shifting in a BMW is fun. In a cup, not so fun.

Thai cups are made of metal, and are held in place with string. These are very functional for fights, but having someone tie on your cup every practice is a little different, so you probably don’t need one, unless your trainer is some 115 pound Thai with 200 fights and he says you do.

Boxing cups, designed to be worn on the outside of your clothing are generally a little too cumbersome even for kicking. For ground work, even more so.

Bottom line for your middle – get a compression short and cup or a one piece.

DO NOT DO ANYTHING FROM STANDING except for pummeling without a mouthpiece in. Any striking or takedown practice, put your mouthpiece in. And when you are done, rinse your mouthpiece off, and put it back in its case, with your name on it. There are few moments less delightful in the gym than putting your mouthpiece in, feeling that it does not fit, and then having some stinky guy say “Hey that’s mine.”

You can get a simple boil and bite for a buck or two, or fancier home molded set for $10-25, or a custom molded one for 100 bucks or so where you send a mold in to a manufacturing company. Each is more expensive, and works better. If you get a cheap one, get two. There is a secret place on this earth where elephants go to die, admidst vast piles of single socks, and old mouthpieces.

I did stand up once without a mouthpiece and blocked a high kick with my mouth and a tooth came out and I swallowed it and then I had a $600 plate made and I sat on that and broke it. Always use a mouthpiece for any striking or takedowns.

Don’t forget to bite down on the mouthpiece, or it is kind of like turning on your house alarm and then leaving the door open. Biting down is free, too.

The first thing everyone seems to buy is a loose fit fight short. This is a really good idea. The second thing people seem to buy is an MMA fight glove. This is not a really good idea.

MMA Fight gloves are for fighting in a cage, and are generally provided by the promoter. Unless you can impress a really hot chick by telling her you do UFC and showing her your actual glove, you do not need an MMA fight glove. Instead, you want an MMA Training glove, generally around six oz. Training gloves come in many designs, but basically look like a fight glove that retired and is enjoying life.

MMA training gloves are fine for controlled sparring on the mat, but are not sufficient for decent stand up sparring. For stand up sparring, you want a 16 oz training glove. Two basic styles are Thai and American. Thai gloves have a solid leather wrap around wrist strap, are padded in the palm and across the back of the hand to block high kicks, and default to a partly open state, so you can readily close your hand to strike, or open to clinch.

This is the ideal glove for stand up MMA.

American training gloves for stand up have a wide elastic velcro strap, and tend to be a little softer than a Thai glove. Particularly for stand up striking practice without takedowns, American training gloves are an excellent choice.

Don’t get any gloves with laces. Takes too long to get on and off, and many models with laces are light for fighting.

Last thing you need to get is shin pads. Shin pads protect both your feet (which are made up of artfully arranged chicken bones, basically) and they also protect your opponent. The sole circumstance in which you should spar without shin pads is when you are a masochist, who derives special pleasure from hurting your own feet (there is a place for you at FootBuddies.com, but that is another story) with sadistic tendencies, sparring a masochist. There are a couple of UG trolls that probably fit that description well, so I don’t want to say never.

Shins pads come in four basic styles – cloth, grappling, traditional, and pro. The cloth shins are made of elastic material, and as long as you doing safe, developmental controlled sparring, they work great. That is what I use most of the time. Grappling shin pads consist of a tight nylon tube with padding across the shin. They are really hard to get on and off, but serve their purpose, and are indispensible for amateur competitions.

The Thais know more about kicking than anyone and have two style of shins pads. The traditional style shin is fairly thick and heavy, with good padding on the foot, and great padding on the shin. The pro style shin pad by contrast is smaller, lighter, and harder, generally with a rounded ridge running up the shin. Being harder and lighter, they land harder.

As pain hurts, of the two, I prefer the traditional style.

So that is the gear you need, in a few hundred words.

I offer a lot of the stuff in the UnderGround store, but I hope the descriptions above are helpful, where ever you are looking for gear, at an OTM Fight shop, Dicks sporting goods, CombatSports.com, or wherever you are looking to buy what you need.

Gear is not cheap, so if necessary, look for deals not lower quality equipment, and pick up pieces over time, until you have what you need.

And thank God each day that you are in the world’s greatest and fastest growing sport, and not F-1, where each team spends something like $100,000,000 per year on necessary gear.