Underground Blog Guest Blogger (UBGB) Jack Brown is "The Part-Time Martial Artist," offering a full-time fan's perspective on UFC and major MMA news, developments, or hypotheticals. He earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do a decade ago from Joe Rogan's teenage alma mater Jae H. Kim in Boston, and currently trains at Lauzon MMA.
In his third blog, he creates the ultimate ultimate fighter.
The Inspiration: Surely you must be aware that in the year 1986, there was a groundbreaking, five- part, television miniseries titled, “Arise, Serpentor, Arise.” In these landmark episodes of the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero cartoon, Doctor Mindbender and Destro became dissatisfied with the leadership of Cobra Commander, and they set out to create the ultimate Cobra leader using the DNA of infamous dead tyrants. Among the mix were Attila the Hun, Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Ivan the Terrible, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, Montezuma, Hannibal, Napoleon, Rasputin, Geronimo, and Sun Tzu. The Joes, along with pro wrestling superstar, Sgt. Slaughter, attempted to thwart the plan, but failed. While the Joes succeeded in eliminating Sun Tzu’s DNA, Cobra managed to use some of Sgt. Slaughter’s own DNA instead. Thus Serpentor, a being composed of some of the most vicious DNA ever, was born.
The Premise: Now let’s imagine that we have the same kind of technology as Cobra did twenty-five years ago. Actually, someone probably does. Let’s also say that with this technology we can isolate, via their DNA, traits or skills of past or present MMA fighters at their peaks. Then we can take the DNA and combine it to make a fully formed, mature being. Listed below are my suggestions for ten different DNA samples we should choose from in nine different categories. After that, is my personal recipe for how I would make up the ultimate MMA fighter.
1. Overall Genes - Before we even get to specific traits or skills, let’s start with the genes of any family of successful MMA fighters. There have been a number of examples throughout the young history of MMA (Sorry, Shamrocks, but you’re not blood). We’ll assume that these family members had something special going for them genetically, and that it wasn’t just about training together and beating each other up. This batch of DNA can come from any of the following: the Gracies, the Nogueiras, the Ruas, the Emelianenkos, the Overeems, the Dan and Jim Millers, the Cole and Micah Millers, the Freires, the Lauzons, or the Diaz Brothers.
2. Power – This is that one punch or strike power that we all love. I’m favoring the big guys here. Choose from Fedor Emelianenko, Mirko Cro Cop, Wanderlei Silva, Vitor Belfort, Quinton Jackson, Chuck Liddell, Rich Franklin, Anderson Silva, Shane Carwin, or Junior Dos Santos.
3. Speed – This is closing speed as well as evading speed. I’m favoring the little guys here. Choose from Wanderlei Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Anderson Silva, Urijah Faber, Frankie Edgar, Eddie Alvarez, Dominick Cruz, Jose Aldo, Joseph Benavidez, or Demetrious Johnson.
4. Striking – This refers to technical or effective striking with some flair added in. Choose from Bas Rutten, Mirko Cro Cop, Mauricio Rua, Igor Vovchanchyn, Fedor Emelianenko, Alistair Overeem, Anderson Silva, Lyoto Machida, Cung Le, or Jon Jones.
5. BJJ – This is BJJ as used in MMA, and a very difficult category to narrow down to ten without leaving out a lot of favorites. Choose from Rickson Gracie, Royce Gracie, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, BJ Penn, Frank Mir, Fabricio Werdum, Anderson Silva, Shinya Aoki, Demian Maia, or Ronaldo Souza.
6. Wrestling – Again, this is wrestling as used in MMA, and another very difficult category to narrow down. Choose from Dan Severn, Mark Coleman, Randy Couture, Dan Henderson, Tito Ortiz, Matt Hughes, Georges St-Pierre, Cain Velasquez, Brock Lesnar, or Daniel Cormier.
7. Stamina/Conditioning – This is the stuff that makes a fighter outlast their opponent and makes that other guy want to quit. Choose from Randy Couture, Frank Shamrock, Nick Diaz, Georges St-Pierre, Diego Sanchez, Nate Diaz, Clay Guida, Gilbert Melendez, Ben Henderson, or Cain Velasquez.
8. Physique – Maybe this isn’t a very important aspect, and it certainly doesn’t always correlate with winning fights, but it sells pay-per-views and can be pretty intimidating. Choose from Ken Shamrock, Bob Sapp, Phil Baroni, Alistair Overeem, Sean Sherk, Georges St-Pierre, Cheick Kongo, Anthony Johnson, Brock Lesnar, or Phil Davis.
9. Spirit/Style/Personality – This is that magic stuff that, like physique, doesn’t always add up to a win, but makes the fans want to tune in and freaks the other guy out. Choose from Don Frye, Josh Barnett, Shonie Carter, Jens Pulver, Quinton Jackson, Nick Diaz, Forrest Griffin, Chris Leben, Anderson Silva, or Chael Sonnen.
The Recipe: Having to choose from the ingredients listed above, my ultimate MMA fighter would have the Gracie family genes, Junior Dos Santos’ power, Dominick Cruz’s speed, Anderson Silva’s striking, Shinya Aoki’s BJJ, George St-Pierre’s wrestling, Randy Couture’s stamina/conditioning, Brock Lesnar’s physique, and Chael Sonnen’s spirit/style/personality.
How about you?
Get at me with your comments and complaints on Twitter – @jackjohnbrown
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