Dissecting a Zuffa Zombie: Kirik@mma.tv

source: vox.com

Today we’re going to have another look at one of those dreadful Zuffa zombies. It is with utter disgust that I respond to the vomit that he released from the deepest pits of cowardice and fraudulence. In his horror he actually tried to be reasonable, he actually tried to be sarcastic. Kirik@mma.tv, today's dissected zombie, would have us believe he is human. We are to believe he is other than the envelope of fat that protects a virus.

On a MMA forum most often used as a promotional tool for zuffa events, the question of why only zuffa fighters appear on MMA magazine covers was posed to kirik@mma.tv. First I’ll review the question, and then I’ll dissect this zuffa zombie’s putrid incompetence of an answer.

"How come we dont see you guys profile any fighters really that aren't in the UFC? Has there ever been a non UFC fighter on the cover? When will we see a non UFC fighter on the cover?. Is Dana really the one pulling the strings behind fight magazine?"

A good, although flawed, question. The answer is simply that the majority of MMA's media has always been a property of zuffa, well before zuffa’s events were popular, well before they sold a substantial number of PPVs. This is an  important thing to remember because zombie kirik will try to excuse himself by arguing zuffa related stories generate the most revenue. He will in no way understand himself as a co-promoter of zuffa events, nor address the point that zuffa fighters are popular because the MMA media speaks of zuffa events and zuffa fighters, in nearly every article, as though they are all significant. Think of  the “WEC” event, which is losing money left and right—a fact that is certainly never reported. The MMA media still co-promotes this event, not because it generates profits for their pathetic ventures, but because they are prejudiced zombies that have thoughtlessly propped up their Las Vegas leaders since 2001.

We must not shy away from the errors in the question itself. Dana White, certified boxercise instruction, may pull skipping rope strings out of the closet at a gym to teach fat rich people how to jump up and down, but he does not and never has pulled any strings at zuffa. He is a voice on a panel of voices, and never has had veto power. This is a fabrication invented by a couple of cowardly Italian casino owners too impotent to stand for their own injustices.

Now for the zombie’s shallow attempt at a rejoinder:

“I cannot speak for anyone but me, but this has come up a lot, most pointedly about having sticky threads here for every UFC PPV. All i can tell you guys is that I am in business, and the UFC pays way more than anything else.”

Let’s interrupt his childish excuse making immediately. Suppose the “UFC” brand does "pay the most.” This does not in any way explain why there are never any negative stories uploaded or printed about zuffa. What about the shady Fertitta family history, or zuffa’s secret relationship with Tapout, or any of their underhanded dealings. How about the fact that the zombie media always sides with zuffa management over fighters in contract disputes. It was said to be Mirko Filipovic's fault that he didn't extend his contract with zuffa, as if he were a runaway slave, in every single article I read. Every single one.

How is it that the MMA media must not only spew out zuffa related stories daily, but in addition ones that are always positive toward the nearly bankrupt casino owners? Why do they never write about how the MMA Fighters Association may change the status of zuffa fighters? And what of the Fertittas’ Station Casinos' bankruptcy? The owners of “the biggest MMA event in the world” are going bankrupt but this isn’t a story for the zombie media? There are thousands of stories like this that simply aren’t covered, and thousand of angles ignored. Zombie kirik’s first excuse doesn’t amount to anything.

The MMA media is not a collection of bad journalists. They are in stead co-promoters of zuffa events. The “UFC”brand is the most spoken about because they spend so much time speaking about it. They can’t write an article about any MMA event without referencing it. This is not because they are forced to; it is because they are grossly ignorant and cowardly zombies. They are not free thinking. By way of comparison we may think of those people who voted for George W. Bush. It wasn’t that they were paid to; it was that they were intellectually inept and probably braindead.  And let me remind you again: the zombie media acted as co-promoters of zuffa events even when they were losing heaps of money. They hyped zuffa’s game shows and pretended their fighters were in "the top ten" well before anyone was profiting from zuffa mythology.

Zombie kirik doesn’t address this history because zombies cannot recall history. For some reason, they can attempt to be amusing. Try not to gouge out your eyes as you read his “humour.”

“That being said, I don't give a fuck about any other fight compared to a nice young muscular kid from my gym, clad in skin tight licra shorts and fighting even in the greenest amateur bout, or friends of mine fighting. I get way more aroused about Mike Gresh fighting than Randy Couture. I love those guys.”

Is this to pass as comedy? Comedy is tough. Zombie kirik, much like zombie rogan, should have never tried their hand at it.

The zombie does keep trying and we do keep suffering:

“Dana is pulling strings, he runs the biggest MMA Org there is, the big daddy of them all. There is a position in the organization for VP For Calling Up Every Magazine & Website and Telling Them What To Do Operations. There is, but I am kinda bummed that he never called up the likes of me and said ‘Kirik, wanna grab a few drinks and maybe a game of pool, followed by a relaxung steam bath?"

He’s going for satire here but what he’s missing is the part about him taking the side of the tyrant. Satire is supposed to be directed at the tyrant. Kirik is below the tyrant, but he’s hanging off his genital region rather than being crushed by his stomp.

I’ll be serious though. What our zombie wants to do is make a mockery out of conspiracy theories. He’s acting as if the thought of zuffa having a marketing department that directs the MMA media is crazy. Except zuffa spokesperson Dana White (which our zombie thinks of as a president) frequently makes it known that zuffa penalizes certain media outlets who speak of it factually. Examples: Sherdog was banned from press gatherings because a few of its zombies had a small awakening and didn’t reprint official zuffa mythology; second, no one is allowed to question the Fertittas about their father and how he made the family fortune; it is never reported that certain sponsors are rejected at zuffa events, and that zuffa has cancelled the contracts of fighters who promote these sponsors. Zombie kirik cites no evidence to counter these occurrences. He thinks he can get by with the typical neo conservative response of labeling the evidence “crazy talk.” He is a neo con; he doesn’t want facts to enter the debate. His only hope is that people will believe he’s in it for the money. When has a braindead vulture ever cared about profiting in any way other than that one he is programmed to?

I’ll also mention of this section that the zombie’s pitiful attempt at humour contains a slip into truth. He admits that he does see the man the Fertittas have hired to play president as a father figure. He wants more attention from his father.
A zuffa zombie shown unable to think
A zuffa zombie shown unable to think

“The UFC is what gets the fight world excited, far in excess of anything else.”

The “UFC” is an MMA brand. No one pays to see a label painted on a canvas. Whether the zombie media can admit it, any MMA event is indeed an MMA event and whatever its spectators think or say they are watching, they are always in fact watching MMA competitions. We must agree that no one pays to look at an empty ring because this or that label is painted on it.

Zuffa’s flagship event is the most talked about online and otherwise. But this is solely because it has the most promoters. The zombie media, as a giant legion of co-promoters, won’t shut up about zuffa’s contractors. I believe only a few of these co-promoters are actually paid. Kevin Iole is paid to write certain articles for instance, and a few writers at Sherdog are as well—this is a fact, by the way: some journalists do generate revenue by offering their services to big business. This is indisputable. I didn’t even think it was kept secret.

But the zombie media isn’t doing their dirty work simply for the extra revenue, are they. They co-promoted zuffa events before it was profitable, I again mention. The innards of the MMA media much more resemble the Manson family than they do elementary capitalism.

Our zombie continues his defence:

“A few day ago I put up a news article excerpt from thefightnetwork.com called ‘Upcoming fight cards from around the globe.’ It was awesome, listed MANY great shows from all across the planet. Number of posts on it? 0. Number of views? 41. I could put up a news story called "Dana wears mismatched socks" with an accompanying image, and a line of commentary, and it would hit 50 replies and 1,000 views, in a day.”

There weren’t any hits because kirik@mma.tv wrote an article jamming every major non-zuffa fight from around the world into one big, boring storage bin. He put these events "in a bin at the back of the store." He threw them all together as if they were worthless. By contrast, his zombiism leads him to showcase everything that is zuffa produced; he puts zuffa events in the front window, on the billboard, he really makes them seem special.

A zuffa zombie is a co-promoter of zuffa events. And s/he is most often unpaid by zuffa. I’m repeating myself but I have to. Zombie kirik tries to make major news out of everything zuffa related, yet he doesn’t address his work as such. He helps to prop up the boxercise instructor hired to play the president, but there is no reflection on this. He is writing articles that make insignificant things seem relevant, and he, along with the rest of the zombie media, is hammering zuffa’s marketing ploys home daily, thoughtlessly. Zombie kirik doesn’t even recognize different writing styles attract different kinds of attention. He doesn’t even recognize that the volume of material dedicated to promoting zuffa events impacts how much attention these events attract.

If you only talk about zuffa events, if you always degrade every other MMA event either by “sticking it on a discount rack at the back of the store” or by ripping it apart in every possible way, then readers are not going to en masse view that event with great anticipation.

Zombie kirik can’t admit that he co-promotes zuffa events, or that he has never typed a single negative story about zuffa, or that he has never investigated a zuffa myth like the one which says a spokesperson is president. He is unable to admit any of these things because he is braindead. No one even had to pay him to be so.

And now, our braindead automaton makes the most outlandish of claims:

“That is reality.”

Reality is constructed. This is what I’ve been dissecting from the zombie’s brain, analytically. He, in unison with all zuffa zombies, construct towers of false significance to prop up things zuffa related. They do so tirelessly. How dare a zombie lay claim to know reality, anyway. This is above all the most absurd moment of his defense.

His conclusion is another attempt at neo conservative humour, which then derails into an unintended truth: Zombie kirik wants attention from his father, white zombie.

“To the Zuffa staffer who is handing out UFC video games or something to everyone who puts up a news article about the UFC, Sir or Ma'am. my email address is Kirik@MMA.tv.”

The truth is zombies don’t need awfully unlikable video games to satisfy their appetites. The Manson family didn’t need any material payment either. They made a father figure out of a brazen imbecile and all they wanted in return was his acceptance, that is, they wanted to be in his good graces. Zombie kirik has what he wants from the boxercise instructor pretending to be president, but he doesn’t yet know where it’s leading him, where it leads all zombies. I’ll send this dissection to the zombie himself. But it is not and will not be for him. It will be for MMA. Doing something for MMA is something he’d never understand.

link to originally posted article...

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tags: Zuffa   Kirik Jenness   

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Recent Comments »

dhughes site profile image  

7/5/09 5:31 PM by dhughes

The Internet! Where everyone with a website is a journalist.

PAPA ROACH1 site profile image  

7/5/09 4:16 PM by PAPA ROACH1

on an unrelated note that zombie strippers movie jenna and tito made was off the chain!! mad tna on there!!

Redneck site profile image  

7/5/09 4:12 PM by Redneck

It's a shame these autopsy photos got released on the web.

DreamerMMA site profile image  

7/5/09 3:32 PM by DreamerMMA

 So is Kirik a fast, strong, running zombie or the slow shambling type? Headshot, disentegrate, dismember or electrocute kill type?

Herring In A Fur Coat site profile image  

7/5/09 2:46 PM by Herring In A Fur Coat

Sounds tasty.  

bismanfightclub site profile image  

7/5/09 12:23 AM by bismanfightclub

Zombies are Ok in my book. Ingredients Zombie 1/2 ounce white rum 1 1/2 ounces golden rum 1 ounce dark rum 1/2 ounce 151-proof rum 1 ounce lime juice 1 teaspoon pineapple juice 1 teaspoon papaya juice 1 teaspoon superfine sugar   Glass Type: Collins glass Instructions Stir together all these ingredients (the juice in the recipe is what mixologist David Embury calls the "mystery ingredient"; it can be pineapple juice, passion fruit nectar, coconut milk, apricot, or cherry brandy -- just about anything this side of Romilar) except the 151 and pour into a 14-ounce glass three-fourths full of cracked ice. Float the 151 as a lid (by pouring it into a spoon and gently dipping it under the surface of the drink). Then, if the spirit moves you, take a match to this mixture; it will burn. Garnish with mint (either straight or dipped in lime juice and then superfine sugar) and/or fruit. (A particularly fetching touch: On a toothpick, impale a lemon slice or pineapple cube between two maraschino cherries and lay this fruit kabob atop of the drink). Supply a straw and, after two, a hammock. After three: a stretcher.

1st Rnd KO site profile image  

7/4/09 11:22 PM by 1st Rnd KO


Danlosdi site profile image  

7/4/09 10:30 AM by Danlosdi

 UG news is zombie kirik

Gorgeous site profile image  

7/4/09 10:11 AM by Gorgeous

This needs to be edited.

Linger Longer site profile image  

7/3/09 10:27 PM by Linger Longer

 for later