I returned from the ER to the Cox Convention center to sit and watch the fights as a spectator about midway through the event. I sat there alone and watched and I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Why are you doing this? Look at what just happened. You lost your last two. Now you possibly had a god damn fucking seizure. Maybe you're over doing it. Maybe you should just stick to nursing. I had a lot of negative thoughts about fighting while sitting there. Putting my mother and father through all sorts of stress, getting a bad call from Yves Levine, losing the finale, old injures, quitting my job, and the list kept growing, Then I paused for a second and looked up at one of giant screens they had set up in the convention center and watched this video. Its a highlight reel of various fighters with the song Teenage Wasteland playing by Baba O'Reilly.
Here is the song played at UFC 88. They play it at most of the UFC events.
After watching that, goose bumps grew all over my arms. I saw a compilation of fight clips and different fighters do there thing. I saw it. I saw the glory. I saw Forest Griffin run across the cage smiling after he choked Shogun. I saw Anderson Silva raise his arms sitting on the top of the fence. I saw what it feels like to win. That's why I need this. I need the feeling of winning back in my heart. I need and I want it. Nothing beats that feeling and I'm going to get it. All those negative thoughts of fighting disappeared and I was back! I felt it in my blood and in my gut. This is what I must do, I want to be a fighter, I want to feel victory. I don't care what the costs are. I will try again. Fall seven time only to rise an eighth!
I continued to watch the rest of the fights. I saw Tim Credeur and Nate Quarry battle with every bit of energy they had. They left it in all the cage. I saw Jake Ellenberger and Carlos Condit back and forth battle. I saw these two warriors willing to put everything on the line for that glory. For the win. Fighting inch by inch! The blood dripping from each others faces and the sound of leather gloves smacking the body. I thought to myself. What a spectacular event. What a sport! I need this! I love this!
I must be smart about this. I'm on this medical mission to see whats wrong with me, What went wrong that night? The major question I have for myself is. What can I do to prevent that from ever happening again? That's what I have to figure out in the next few days. Then I'll be back 100% just like that beast you saw on the show.
In this blog I'd like to thank a lot of people. Dana White and Joe Silva are at the top of my list for being so generous and providing me with the show money and win money. They didn't need to provide me with a single penny.. When I found this out I literally broke down in tears of joy. Every up and coming full time professional fighter knows that each check counts! When I approach Dana to thank him his exact words were “We only care about your health. Get better and so we can get you back in that cage!” When I approach Joe to thank him later that evening. He said “Don't you worry Phillipe. We take care of our guys. It wasn't your fault.” My hat goes off to the UFC. Thanks for taking care of me.
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