MMA Predictions for 2013, Part II

Friday, January 04, 2013

Underground Blog Guest Blogger (UBGB) Jack Brown is “The Part-Time Martial Artist,” offering a full-time fan’s perspective on UFC and major MMA news, developments, or hypotheticals.

MMA Predictions for 2013, Part II (Featuring Ronda Rousey, Forrest Griffin, War Machine, and more)

It’s the beginning of the New Year and this is my last chance to prove to be a genius and/or an idiot when it comes to predicting what may happen in 2013.  Below are multiple categories (organized using past UFC event titles) for my predictions about some of MMA’s most talented individuals.  I may take some circuitous, yet creative, routes to get there, but it’s the results that matter.  This is part two.   

Click HERE if you missed part one.

“Reality Check”
These are the fighters that will have to face the fact that MMA is a tough business in 2013:

Alexander Gustafsson, Chris Weidman and Johny Hendricks
All three of these young, talented, and dangerous contenders will win their next fights and go undefeated in 2013.  However, none of them will actually fight for a title this year.  The champions in their respective divisions, the UFC, and even the majority of fans, will desire other matchups instead.  These three fighters will be left to wonder what they could do differently.  They will all hire media relations experts and other gurus.  For what it’s worth, I’d suggest they each start by fixing the spelling of their names (Gustafsson to Gustaffson, Weidman to Wideman, and Johny to Johnny, please).

These are the fighters who will prove that moving to light heavyweight is the right move in 2013:

Anthony Johnson
Johnson has finally found the weight class – light heavyweight – in which he’ll be able to perform consistently and maximize his talent.  In 2013, “Rumble” will validate all the fans who have believed in him as he absolutely crushes every opponent he faces in the World Series of Fighting.  People will question the quality of these opponents, but Johnson’s dominance in 2013 will be scary.  By the end of the year, many fans will be convinced that he is one of the last few hopes to dethrone Jon Jones at 205.  Johnson will figure this out as well, and with Rashad Evans’ help, he’ll launch a war of words with Jones via Twitter.

Daniel Cormier
Cormier is a man of honor, and he will follow through and take care of Dion Staring at the Strikeforce finale next week.  But not long after that, I predict that he’ll be making an appointment with Mr. Mike Dolce.  Now that training partner, Cain Velazquez, is champ, I don’t think that the Frank Mir fight is in the cards for Cormier.  Instead, Mir will fight Josh Barnett and Cormier will drop to light heavyweight.  Cormier will get a tough draw in his first fight in the UFC – Glover Teixeira.  Teixeira will have beaten Quinton Jackson by decision, and then Cormier will win the decision against Teixeira.  That victory will be enough to make Cormier the number-one contender and set him up for a title fight with Jones.

“Unfinished Business”
These are the fighters who will tie up loose ends by the end of 2013:

Andrei Arlovski and Tim Sylvia
These two heavyweight veterans and former UFC champs will sign with the upstart PPFC and agree to fight once a month for six consecutive months to make it ten times total that they will have fought.  Unfortunately, in their first fight, on the island of Bora Bora, in the heat of the moment, Arlovski will become confused about PPFC’s rules and soccer kick a fallen Sylvia’s groin repeatedly.  Sylvia will tap a moment too late.  Arlovski, oblivious to the utterly devastating testicular trauma that he has caused, will run around the cage screaming “How taste it?” over and over.  It will be determined to be a no contest, but that will be of little consolation to Sylvia.  The Maine-iac will never fight again.  There are many things he will never do again. 

Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar
After a long recovery from his current injury, Griffin will decide that there is only one thing left for him to do – complete the trilogy.  No, not the third Griffin vs. Bonnar fight.  Griffin will retire from fighting and, along with coauthor Erich Krauss, he’ll write his third book.  Like their previous books it will be uniquely irreverent.  It will be called “After We Die: How to make the most of Heaven or how to make the best of Hell.”  Good friend and fellow retiree, Bonnar, will write the foreword.  

War Machine and Paul Daley
These two exciting and controversial fighters have a bit of a conundrum.  Bellator fans voted their matchup as the one that they most want to see.  Now, due to legal reasons, Daley can’t enter the country and War Machine can’t leave.  Daley was dropped from Bellator, but he’ll be fine in 2013.  He’ll fight often, dropping fools across five continents (including Antarctica) with his signature left hook.  War Machine will be even better.  While he continues to recover from his injury, Bellator and Spike TV will film a reality show with the world’s most fascinating alpha male.  It will feature War Machine’s trips to his witch doctor, War Machine hitting on housewives at Whole Foods, and War Machine eating cereal late night while he dials up girls for “Pow Pow.”  Then he’ll actually win a couple of fights in Bellator and become a television star.  But just when Bjorn Rebney thinks he has it made, War Machine pulls a fast one.  Unbeknownst to the son of the “Winnebago Man,” the witch doctor is done rubbing oils on War Machine’s “ween” and, coincidentally, the USA is done confining this free spirit.  War Machine quits Bellator and follows through on his threat to move to the Philippines.  This sets up the match the fans wanted.  Live from somewhere in Manila, on New Year’s Eve 2013, War Machine outlasts Daley in five brutal rounds. 

These are the WMMA fighters who will bring recognition to women fighting in the UFC in 2013:

Ronda Rousey vs. Liz Carmouche 
This is the fight that will kick it all off at UFC 157, and it will be a very typical dominant performance by Rousey.  She will get the armbar finish in the third minute of the first round.  After that, everyone will be clamoring for the Cyborg fight, but that won’t happen yet.  Instead…

Miesha Tate vs. Sarah Kaufman
This will be the next big women’s fight to occur in the UFC.  It will be a rematch of Rousey’s last two victims.  At the time of the fight, we will be told it’s a number-one contender matchup.  Unlike their last fight, Tate will get the decision.  It will be a great fight, but injuries will make it impossible for Tate to face Rousey.  Rousey will have to take another fight, and that paves the way for Tate and Kaufman to fight again later and conclude their trilogy at the end of the year.  Kaufman will win that fight via TKO.  So meanwhile Rousey will fight…

Cris Cyborg Santos (with Tito Ortiz)
No.  Cyborg will not fight in the UFC in 2013.  But that won’t stop her from being one of the most talked about fighters.  Not far behind her, in terms of attention, will be her star manager, Tito Ortiz.  Ortiz has a goldmine with Cyborg.  Cyborg vs. Rousey will be right behind GSP vs. Silva and Silva vs. Jones in terms of fan interest.  And Ortiz, as he was with his own contractual negotiations, will be a huge pain in the ass for the UFC.  Dana White will absolutely demonize him, and that will only strengthen Tito’s resolve.  Tito will appear on Inside MMA wearing a “Dana love me long time” T-shirt.  By year’s end, the fight will still be up in the air.  So what about Ronda?

Sara McMann
The UFC will be very careful with McMann.  She is there backup plan.  She will get an easy win on the undercard of the first Tate vs. Kaufman fight and she will step in to fight Rousey when Tate announces her injury.  McMann will take Rousey into the second round, but Ronda will end up shocking everyone with a TKO victory. 

This is the big one (Cue James Brown):

Starring Muhammed Lawal and Quinton Jackson, featuring Tom Lawlor and Seth Petruzelli, with very special guests Phil Baroni and Kimbo Slice

That’s right.  This will be the story of the year when it comes to MMA.  And it may not be a good thing long term for the sport, but it will be damn entertaining.  King Mo, along with Spike and Bellator and professional wrestling, get their payback against all things UFC and Zuffa when Mo successfully crosses over with TNA.  It goes so well that Lawal talks Quinton Jackson into joining him when Rampage becomes a free agent.  Fellow Bellator light heavyweight, Seth Petruzelli, can’t resist getting in on the action.  And though he’s always been a loyal UFC employee, Petruzelli’s best bud, Tom Lawlor, just cannot pass up a lifelong dream.  He defects, and the UFC floodgates begin to open.  Phil Baroni and Kimbo Slice even come along for the ride.  Kimbo, however, refuses to appear in any events in which Petruzelli is featured.  This does not deter Filthy and the Silverback from mocking Kimbo by reenacting the EliteXC knockout after all their tag team victories.  The two, clad in loin cloths and featuring their “hidden banana” move, become extremely popular with children all over the world.  It’s a very happy ending to 2013.   


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Thanks for reading,