MMA Predictions for 2013, Part III
Underground Blog Guest Blogger (UBGB) Jack Brown is “The Part-Time Martial Artist,” offering a full-time fan’s perspective on UFC and major MMA news, developments, or hypotheticals.
Jack Brown – The Part-Time Martial Artist
MMA Predictions for 2013, Part III (featuring a Gracie, a Diaz, a Couture, and Joe Rogan)
It’s still the beginning of the New Year, and due to popular demand, I’m giving you yet another edition of my predictions for 2013. Click HERE if you missed part one (featuring Chael Sonnen, Nick Diaz, Dana White, and Rose Namajunas) and click HERE if you missed part two (featuring Ronda Rousey, Forrest Griffin, War Machine, and Tom Lawlor). Once again there are multiple categories (organized using past UFC event titles) for my predictions about some of MMA’s most talented individuals. I continue to take some circuitous, yet creative, routes to get there, but it’s the results that matter.
“No Way Out”
These are the fighters who will get all their wins via submissions in 2013:
No big surprise here, a Gracie getting his wins via submission, but it will be great to have a Gracie back in the UFC and winning. Things didn’t work out too well for Rolles Gracie a couple of years ago, but everyone knows that Roger is on a whole other level. After getting a win in the Strikeforce finale this weekend, Gracie will enter the UFC and go 3-0 in 2013 with all of his wins coming by submission.
Already a legend in the sport, Lauzon won’t stop being exciting in 2013. But he won’t be taking as much damage as he did in his last “fight of the night” against Jim Miller either. Lauzon is way too smart and way too good with his submission skills to let that become a trend. That’s why in all three of his fights in 2013 he’ll win via first round submissions. He’ll also pick up three “submission of the night” bonuses for his efforts and be set up for a number-one contender match with the other lightweight in this category.
Diaz, unlikely to KO any of his opponents, and concerned that he may not win decisions, will more consistently utilize his Cesar Gracie Jiu-Jitsu in 2013. He’ll still soften up his opponents with a high volume of strikes first. But, like Lauzon, Diaz will also go 3-0 in 2013 with all his victories coming via submissions. Diaz will end the year back near the top of the lightweight division, and he’ll be ready to square off against his fellow TUF 5 alum in early 2014.
“The Return of the Beast”
No, Dan Severn will not end his recent retirement. There will be an even more beastly fighter in 2013:
Despite three consecutive losses in the UFC, and a second positive test for marijuana, the UFC will welcome Herman back in 2013 when his suspension is up and he has completed his “treatment.” A comeback fight will be scheduled and Herman will be rumored to be “a man on a mission” and “looking better than ever.” However, things will turn tragic when he is four weeks out from his fight. While running deep in the woods in Temecula, California, Herman will be seriously injured by several bullets fired from multiple hunters’ rifles. The hunters, tangentially associated with a pseudoscientific reality show, will insist that they have captured Bigfoot. The wounded Herman will regret that he had let his body hair grow so long and that he had gone out for a run clad only in a pair of camouflage jorts.
These are the fighters who will exchange their love for hate in 2013:
Josh Koscheck and Jon Fitch
One day soon, a terrible thing will happen to Josh Koscheck. He’ll fail to be recognized in public while hanging out at the mall. Later that day, while flying solo in his airplane, the full emotional impact of this traumatic experience will hit Koscheck. He’ll barely be able to land the plane, but when he does, a moment of clarity will follow. Koscheck will know what he has to do next. He’ll cut ties with Bob Cook and DeWayne Zinkin and he’ll cut off all contact with his former AKA training partners. Koscheck will go full rogue and call out the last man on Earth left in his corner – Jon Fitch. Fitch, at first, will want none of it. With a recent resurgence, Fitch will be in a good position in the welterweight decision. But Koscheck is an expert wrestler and an expert instigator, and he’ll overcome Fitch with both as they meet up at the end of the year.
“The Proving Ground”
These are the fighters who will step up against tougher competition in 2013:
Couture is of course the son of that other Couture – Randy, not Kim. And in his biggest test yet, against KJ Noons at the Strikeforce finale this weekend, he will fail. But that’s okay. Karl James is going to be a bit of a big deal in the UFC, and in losing to him, Couture will still continue to prove that he belongs. He will be welcomed into the UFC, and there the depth of the lightweight division will allow Couture to build his professional career at a more reasonable pace. In 2013, he will face two opponents closer to his caliber and he will beat them both.
The 26-year-old, 9-0, New England fighter will graduate from the smaller shows in 2013. Dana White will turn out to be much more interested in Newell than he has recently indicated. Not only will Newell be a great representative for the sport of MMA, and an inspiration to those that are considered “disabled” throughout the world, he will win his debut in the UFC via submission. It will be one of the best stories of the year and help us to move beyond the madness detailed in the remainder of this article.
These are the fighters who will cause havoc in the cage in 2013:
Thiago Silva, not to be confused with Thiago Alves (who will have his own ordeals in 2013), will become infamous this year. Coming off a record of one win and three losses, with two no contests, in his last six fights, the light heavyweight will return to the UFC after his latest suspension. You may recall that this suspension was for marijuana, and Silva’s previous suspension involved a “urine adulterant.” Well the UFC will regret their decision. Silva will score the banned substance hat trick after his fight with Chad Griggs. Unfortunately it will be too late for the firefighter, Griggs. He will require his own EMTs after tapping out. To most observers, it will look like a triangle choke finish for Silva. Upon replay, however, the whole world will see Silva… I can’t even say what I see. Let’s just say that the drug he tests positive for is bath salts, and the video of the fight eventually surpasses “Charlie Bit My Finger” on YouTube as the most-watched biting video.
Riddle has a great name for headlines, and he’ll be making them in the UK in February when he fights Che Mills in London. He’ll open up the main card of UFC on Fuel TV 7 (And I’ll be damned if I don’t get FUEL TV at my house one way or the other by then! Comcast be warned!). Unfortunately, he’ll also be closing the main card as well. After Riddle TKO’s an overwhelmed Mills, he’ll taunt the crowd of “butter-toothed Brits.” Later Riddle will claim that he went too many weeks without his “medication.” Whatever it was, Riddle will be relentless and the hooligans will not hold back any longer. The locals will storm the cage, climbing over the rotund but ungainly security, and Riddle, Joe Silva, Jon Anik, Yves Lavigne, Bruce Buffer, Stitch Duran, and a bunch of cornermen will have to unite to take on all comers. The riot will be legendary, but it will take hours to quell. Riddle will be punished by the UFC with a token suspension, but he’ll also be awarded the fight with Dan Hardy that he has long coveted. Unfortunately, Hardy will be on a very different journey. See below.
These are the individuals who will go into the beyond in 2013:
Mac Danzig and Dan Hardy
Danzig, known for his TUF 6 championship and his vegan ways, and Hardy, known for his title fight against GSP, his fiery mohawk, and his Lego collection, have been doing some podcasts lately. It will take a while for the U.S. government to notice what they are up to, but once they do, these two fighters will be on the run. Fortunately, Hardy has established contacts throughout South America and he is ready to take Danzig with him and go into hiding. The podcasts will not stop. Instead, the duo will broadcast their marathon Ayahuasca sessions live and unedited. Legions will follow them, and by the end of 2013, these outlaws won’t be coming back.
For Joe, life will seem to continue just as it has in the past. He’ll enjoy his personal life, hours in his floatation tank, training Jiu-Jitsu with Eddie Bravo, his UFC broadcasts, his stand-up comedy, and, most importantly, his podcasts. What Joe won’t know is that every one of the words that he speaks during his podcasts in 2013 will one day be synthesized by a man who right now is a 14-year-old genius living in West Virginia. This man will synthesize Joe’s words to create the very first thoughts and experiences that are broadcast through the “hive mind.” One day we will all be experiencing the Joe Rogan Experience.
Happy New Year!
Shout-outs to my new PTMA Twitter followers: @GlennHurren92 – Taupo, New Zealand, @HiiiPower – Deltona, FL, @dieg0rizz0 – Salford, England, @DirtySquidBerry – Honolulu, HI, @Abli83 – Sydney, Australia, @jdt599 – Vancouver, BC, @ChrisLewis183 – London, England, @ironsy395, @UFCFanOntario, @LIMEYUFC, @whitfield_UFC, @otherpunchy, @rosenamajunas, @bjpenndotcom, and @WarMachine170
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Thanks for reading,