The six least sportsmanlike moments in MMA

Thursday, September 09, 2010

#6. Wes “The Project” Sims vs. Frank Mir

#5. Mike Kyle vs. Brian OlsenWes “The Project” Sims vs. Frank Mir

#4. Tank Abbott vs. John Matua

#3. Tito Ortiz vs. Guy Mezger

In their rematch, Tito Ortiz outwrestled one-time beauty pageant contestant Guy Mezger and won by gently bonking Guy on the back of the head until the referee stopped it. The fight is listed as a TKO victory for Tito, but historians actually mark it as the day a gorilla tried to invent volleyball. The lucid and unhurt Guy Mezger wasn’t happy that the referee interrupted his neck massage to try to convince him that he was unconscious. And he was even less happy when he turned around to see Tito doing an elaborate pantomime act involving a cowboy shootout and two middle fingers. And I can’t imagine he cheered up when Tito then put on a shirt that said “GAY Mezger Is My Bitch!” Class. Act.

#2.Gary “Big Daddy” Goodridge vs. Pedro “The Pedro” Otavio

International Vale Tudo Championship 1

Early in his career, Gary Goodridge listed his fighting style as “Arm Wrestling.” To give you an idea of what kind of fighting strategy a master of Arm Wrestling employs, Gary went into this matchup complaining that this pussy organization didn’t allow his two favorite moves: biting and eye-gouging. I mean, in arm wrestling, an eye gouge is how you say thank you, maybe and six names of soup. Anyway, as you can imagine, if your opponent’s Plan A was poking your eyes out and they outlaw that, his backup plan is your balls. And oh my God was Gary Goodridge’s backup plan your balls.

#1. Shinya Aoki vs. Mizuto Hirota

K-1 Dynamite! 2009

DREAM lightweight champion Shinya Aoki is the genetic result of a country whose leading cause of pregnancy is tentacle. He’s a tiny alien beast more octopus than man. His submission skills are impossible. He breaks bones and ligaments so easily that he takes his dates home in their own purses. If Shinya Aoki were to manually masturbate an animal, he would tear its dick off. That’s not a joke–that’s the exact warning that the Japanese government brands onto all livestock. But Aoki has a kind heart… he wears rainbow tights so the last thing your neck sees will be beautiful.

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