When We Were Bouncers: Dean of Mean

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Actor/stuntman/fighter Paul “The Mauler” Lazenby has an awesome new Facebook page – When We Were Bouncers. Every Monday he presents a crazy new story from former security personnel who went on to become actors, fighters, comedians, pro wrestlers, stuntmen and other standouts in their chosen fields.

He recently sat down with former miner, firefighter, and bounty hunter, semi-retired professional boxer and mixed martial artist, and current actor/stuntman, Caveman Coffee proprietor, and mail thief chaser downer, “The Dean of Mean” Keith Jardine.

One of the hardest places I ever bounced was in Las Vegas — not the one in Nevada, but a real small town by the same name in San Miguel county, up in northern New Mexico. Back in the wild west days, it was known as one of the wildest towns of all the wild west towns. For example, they had the highest murder rate, and they used to lynch people in the middle of the park all the time. They had a windmill there that was actually called “The Las Vegas Hanging Windmill”, and the townspeople would drag criminals out of the jail and string ‘em up on it. The place had a fighting history too — in 1912 Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Flynn in a world heavyweight title defense there. I went to college there, and let’s just say that energy from those wild west days never really left. It was still there with the local people, so you had to be pretty careful.

I worked in La Casita, one of the bars that all the local people went to, and every minute of every shift you were always waiting for the big fight to happen. One night I noticed a guy picking a fight with the bar manager. I got hold of him and started taking him out, and by the time we got to the door he was so much of a problem that I think I set a new distance record for how far I threw him. He picked himself up and started talking about stabbing me and so on, but he didn’t do anything and eventually he left.

A week or two later, I was driving down the street when a couple of guys behind me in a big truck started really harassing me, driving aggressive right on my ass. I pulled over to let them pass, but after they went by, something came over me and I thought, “Naw, to heck with that”. So I started chasing them, and when they realized that I was on their tail, they slammed on the brakes and I slid right up into ‘em, smashed up the whole front of my car.

I started getting out of the car and saw the driver of the truck walking towards me, and that’s when I noticed that it was the same guy I’d thrown out of the bar! Before I could get all the way out he was on me, reaching over my open door to punch me in the head, and I’m thinking, “Okay, what just happened”?

Naturally, I didn’t take kindly to that and I started fighting back, drove him all the way across the street until he finally fell down. I hit him a few more times on the ground, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, “His friend’s gotta be coming up on me.” So I stood up and turned around, and sure enough the buddy was standing there with a knife in his hand! By this time I was winded, man, from going all-out, but I didn’t show it. I held my hands up, like, “What?”, and we just stood there, staring for a minute, until finally he decided to just grab his buddy and go. I’ll always consider that one of my better stories because it didn’t get nearly as bad as it could have!


GENERALLY I DON'T REALLY BRAG about my time as a bouncer because I don’t think there’s much to brag about. A lot of bouncers boast about throwing people out of bars, “Yeah, I knocked that guy out, I threw this guy out”, but that stuff always annoyed me. To me, knocking drunk people out when you’re sober is almost like child abuse. Any sober person should be able to take care of any two drunk people, so knocking out a drunk guy, even when it’s necessary, isn’t really something to be proud of.

Check out www.facebook.com/FamousBouncers for more bouncer stories from stars in a wide variety of pursuits. For UG Blog excerpts for MMA Fighters, check out:
When We Were Bouncers: Ragin' Kajan Johnson
When We Were Bouncers: Aaron Riley
When We Were Bouncers: Tom Erikson
When We Were Bouncers: Paul Cheng
When We Were Bouncers: Shayna Baszler
When We Were Bouncers: Gary Myers
When We Were Bouncers: Jonathan Goulet
When We Were Bouncers: Gene LeBell
When We Were Bouncers: John Lober
When We Were Bouncers: Paul Varelans
When We Were Bouncers: Pat Miletich (someone gets attacked with a pitchfork)
When We Were Bouncers: Renzo Gracie (he bounced in a brothel at 14)