Bisping to GSP: Of course I’m f@$%ing drunk I’m an Englishman in Vegas

UFC middleweight champion Michael Bisping and returning welterweight G.O.A.T. Georges St-Pierre began the pre-fight trash talk in high style at the first joint press conference. Bisping wandered in late, picked up the mic, and laid into GSP mid-sentence.

Shut the f*** up, explained Bisping, in a voice intimately familiar to anyone who has had a good time in Vegas.

I think Vegas got the best out of you, unfortunately, replied St-Pierre to Bisping, as transcribed by Shaun Al-Shatti for MMA Fighting.

The Count continued unhindered.

It doesn’t matter because I’m going to get the f***ing best out of you, so shut the f*** up, said Bisping.

UFC president Dana White then sat The Count down, and the fighters bickered entertainingly for the remainder of the press conference. It was something like the soundtrack for a barfight scene out of Peaky Blinders – often the most comprehensible part was the curse words.

Note: It helps to read this in the fighters’ respective Mancunian and Quebecois accents.

Michael Bisping: You’re talking about being a f***ing welterweight. You are a welterweight, okay? I’m a middleweight. I can’t wait to f***ing square up against you. Square up. Stand up and look at the size of me, and look at the size of you. Go back to f***ing, Canada.

Georges St-Pierre: That’s all you have on me. That’s all you have. Skill, fighting IQ, athleticism, everything is on my side.

MB: Oh, is it really? Height? Reach? Good looks? This f***ing accent? The jab, the punch, the kick? Everything. Listen, Georges, while you were away, because you were so scared of everybody taking steroids, I was man enough to still be fighting those guys. You went away. You went and f***ing chased aliens. I don’t know what you did. No one gives a f*** where you were and what you did. Coming back, the sport is in a different place. Game over.

GSP: I think you should shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself right now. Are you still drunk right now? Are you still drunk or what? What’s going on? What is going on with this? Your voice is kinda, what is happening with you? My God. Are you healthy? Are you okay? Up here, did you get hit too much or what?

MB: Hey Georges, I’ll go out on an all-night f***ing bender and still beat you, pal. I won’t even train. Look at the state of you, you little f***ing midget. … Hey Georges, where’s your belt? Where’s your f***ing belt? You don’t have one. The sport moved on, buddy. The sport moved on.

GSP: Well, I could’ve stolen one while you were out in Vegas drinking. I’m here to do a job, and that’s going to be to beat up that drunk man right now.

MB: Why is the onus on me being f***ing drunk? What’s that got to do with anything? I’ve been drunk throughout my entire f***ing career. Dana will testify to that. Why does that make this fight any f***ing different? Why does that matter? I’m English. I’m in f***ing Vegas. I haven’t got a fight. Hey, when is the fight, Georges? When is the fight? When do you want to fight? Because I’ll fight right now. I’ll fight right now, motherf***er. That’s the difference between you and me.

GSP: You don’t scare me. Not even one bit.”

MB: I’m not trying to scare you. But here’s the facts: I’m a real fighter. I’m a real fighter. You’re an athlete, and good for you. You’re a very, very good athlete, but you’re an athlete. I’m a fighter. Fact.

GSP: I just wish Michael Bisping would come out with a different song than all of the guys that I’ve fought before. ‘Oh, you’re just an athlete, blah, blah, blah. You’re not a fighter.’ My journey in mixed martial arts is more than legend. I’ve [overcome] incredible obstacles. I’ve fought guys, I’ve had to come back. Carlos Condit and everybody I’ve fought. B.J. Penn 1, I came back and I showed true heart, and that’s why I’m here today. I’m not an easy target and my journey is honorable.

MB: You’re talking about beating B.J. Penn, a featherweight. He’s a featherweight. I’m a middleweight. I’m a legit middleweight. I used to fight at light heavyweight. I was 15-0 at light heavyweight, pal. You are a very, very good fighter, Georges. I respect you very much. But at the end of the day, there’s a reason why they have weight classes. It’s a simple as that.

And I respect you coming back, but I know why you picked me. You think I’m an easy fight, just like Anderson did, just like Luke Rockhold did when I knocked him out in the first round. Just like everybody does. And time and time again, I prove them wrong. So, this is the guy, the greatest of all-time, didn’t want to face Anderson when he was the man, but he comes out of retirement to face me? Yeah, real good fighter.

After all that the obvious question is when is the fight? White said in the best of all possible worlds, it would take place during International Fight Week in July. But nothing in this sport ever takes place in the best of all possible worlds.