A solution to the CM Punk problem

Athletes follow the same path:
1. Learn a sport.
2. Compete in that sport.
3. Then if you develop into an elite competitor, turn professional.

Former WWE superstar Phil ‘CM Punk’ Brooks decided instead to Fire-Ready-Aim when he chose to become an MMA fighter.

First, he signed with the UFC. Then he began to learn mixed martial arts, without a competitive background in any combat sport. His Roufusport BJJ Instructor estimated he had rolled for about two weeks with Rener and Ryron Gracie. And Punk got a green belt in Kenpo karate as a child. And, of course, he was an excellent and compelling professional wrestler.

A 1-0 pro named Mickey Gall called out CM Punk at a regional event with UFC president Dana White in attendance Lookin’ for a Fight, and was selected as Punk’s opponent, if he could get past a minor hurdle, which he could.

Gall left CM Punk with a bloody cauliflower ear, and a facial expression like his pickup truck had just washed away in a flood, with his dog in it.

This opportunity just got presented to myself and I would have been a fool to say no,” he said afterward. “I don’t know what happens from here on out. What if I get cut? I don’t know. I think that’s a possibility.”

During a recent appearance on UFC Tonight, UFC president Dana White was dubious about Punk’s continued participation in the league.

Is CM Punk going to be a guy who is going to stay in the UFC and continue to fight? Probably not, said White, as transcribed by Tristen Critchfield for Sherdog. But he wanted to try it. I like the guy. I respect the guy. He wanted to fight in the UFC. He wanted to do it. He trained for two years, and he did it.

CM Punk wants to fight on. He is not a UFC level fighter and turns 38 this month. He never will be.

There is a solution. This man.

Jason David Frank has an apparel business called Jesus Didn’t Tap. That might seem obvious, as his hands were nailed to a cross, but it sets up a feud with Punk, who takes a more nuanced approach to faith.

“I’m a free speech guy. I think anybody can say whatever they want, you know,” he said to Karyn Bryant last year. “That being said if there is a God. … I think he’s got better things to do than worry about what somebody’s doing for 15 minutes in a cage. …. I’d like to see people thank their coaches more than Jesus, you know what I mean? I think their coaches probably helped them win. I just think it’s a weird thing to do.”

After the faith rivalry, there is age in the fight’s favor. Frank is 43, some six years older than Punk. Punk tried fighting someone younger, and we know how that turned out. So for balance, for harmony, someone older is appropriate.

Then there is skill level. Back in 2010 Frank went 4-0 in amateur MMA and won a pro fight too, the same year. He also invented a martial art called Tose Kune Do. And he holds a Guinness World Record for most pine boards broken in freefall. So that’s a more suitable opponent than Mickey Gall, who was an actual young and hungry professional MMA fighter, with a brown belt in BJJ.

But best of all, pop culture fans know Frank as the longest-tenured Mighty Morphin Power Ranger. Countless young MMA fans grew up watching him as the Green Power Ranger, and have uttered the phrase, It’s Morphin time!

This would all be for naught, but Frank really wants to fight Punk.

“I’ve been taking to a lot of promoters in 2017,” he said to a TMZ Sports stringer. “I still want to fight Punk. But that’s another story. … The two fandom powerbases – you’ve got huge Power Ranger fandom base, and you’ve got a huge WWE fandom base. That’s all. And I won’t deny the fact that I don’t know CM Punk, like he did with me on TMZ. Hey, that kind of rhymes. But anyway, it’d be cool.”

The reason CM Punk fought in the UFC has not changed. The UFC’s rival Bellator is desperate for a fight that would break into the PPV space. So the UFC signed him. Given Punk’s draw in the WWE and the bump he gave the PPV buys at UFC 203, that math has not changed. The new UFC owners just spent $4,000,000,000 and thus are reportedly more into selling PPVs than giving every #1 contender an immediate title shot. So if you look at it from the right angle, CM Punk vs. The Green Power Ranger makes a lot of sense.

And if the UFC doesn’t do it, someone else will.