Best lies to convince 'bar veterans' to take you home


From: LesterGreen
Member Since: 2/20/13
I've used a lot of lies at the bar to f--- women. Some of my favorites - I'm a bounty hunter, air traffic controller (gotta work tomorrow- all f--ed up), sparring partner for Evander Holyfield and drummer for smashing pumpkins.
Anybody else do this? What are your favorites

Lies are not necessary.If she's down for banging some dude she just met at a bar, she doesn't give two s---s about your job or what you may be doing the next day.It's just a physical thing at this point.

From: LesterGreen
Completely wrong. The club is filled with every tom, dick and harry trying to get laid. There will ALWAYS be a better looking guy. Always. You need to set yourself apart and have game. Lying with a story sets you a part and you don't have to try as hard to get laid.
Plus, there is always some dumb chick that will believe any story. Lying is the shortcut to getting laid when you just dont give a f---

UGCTT_sakurabas ear
Can you show some respect and call these whores "bar veterans" please. No need to insult them, they're the ones that know the deal. You lie to them, they knowingly play along, you both get laid.

From: LesterGreen
Truth, understanding, and listening can get you a girlfriend, lies can get you laid.

Lmao at having to lie to woman to get laid.

Dos Huevos Gigante
I'll call you.

From: allforroy
English accent. Game over.

Blade T
My girlfriend got hit by a train.

I just got outta jail.

"I can't stand Jews" usually gets a laugh, that's if they are not Jewish and in NYC you need to have Jew Radar on

The dim lighting and heavy makeup really hide your acne well.

I'm being deployed tomorrow

 From: larry birds quick wit
Real milataty guys should be pissed about this

Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla
My girlfriend just left me because my cock is to big and I gave her to many orgasms.

I'm a blimp pilot. Yeah, exactly the ones you think, the Goodyear blimps. In town for the [insert random event].

that we were about to be drafted in the MLB draft soon. That pulled a lot of tail
Back when I was in the Corps me and my buddies convinced a group of chicks that we were in the Marine Corps Hot Air Ballon Team.
We told them that the ballon was camouflaged to look like clouds. I was the guy with the telescope to tell them where to drop the missiles.
I actually got some ass for that.

when i look into the eyes of the children and the parents and they're saying thank you dr montalban you saved my child's life, it's worth it

A friend of mine pretended to be a doctor once and this semi-hot chick asked him about some knee pains she was having. He "examined" her leg and said she most likely had knee cancer. She started crying and ran off.

Ze Dano
Many many years ago, my go to was that I was a stuntman in Top Gun...the deal was I doubled for Goose when he got ejected and died in the water

Daddy Rorny Michael
I was outside of a bar on the patio next to a random girl. We were both looking at the moon which had two thin clouds in front of it, making it look like a fat hamburger. I let there be an almost tense silence and then I said solemnly without looking at her, "the native-americans call that a hamburger moon." She turned to me, wide-eyed "really?"
I don't know if she was confused or intrigued, but I got her number.

Did you see the fight outside? Can I ask you ladies a question, would you date a guy named Melvin? Can you ladies settle a bet for me.. Does my dick taste like French vanilla ice cream?

Bad Monkey
Never used these to get laid, I used them to prove to my girlfriend that girls will believe anything a man tells them if they stick to the story.
Right after the space shuttle Discovery incident I would tell girls I was an astronaut and was back home on leave until everything got sorted out.  Lost some good friends that day.  My mission was on hold because of the investigation so me and my crew were in limbo.  The future was uncertain, and I was this close to realizing my dream, and now it may all be over, blah, blah blah.   I was given much sympathy from the lovely young ladies, my GF was amazed.
My favorite however, was when I would tell the story of my very successful and lucrative sugar glider daycare business.  I would tell them that sugar gliders were the new "it" pet for the wealthy as they were cute, social, clean, and most of all would perform amazing aerial displays as they were basically tiny flying squirrels.  The problem with sugar gliders is that they get tremedous separation anxiety attacks when they are left alone, as mentioned above they are social creatures, and it was not uncommon for them to die due to the anxiety attacks. Thats where I came in.  I told these ladies that I made absurd amounts of money babysitting these sugar gliders, and it was awesome because I basically just watch the cute little guys play all day long.  I had eleven names memorized of old family pets so I could rattle off funny stories about how Quincy and Whisper were climbing on top of the refridgerator and performing kamakazi style attacks on Tuzzy and Dozer when they would walk through the doorway to the kitchen, and shit like that when I started laughing because of the absurdity of what I was saying.
After that one the GF was worried what lies I had convinced her of.  I told her I was with her because she would never fall for such horseshit. And yes, she was guillible enough to believe that.

You must be young or an ugly bastard. You don't give women enough credit.How many times do you think a hot chick has heard," I'm pre med,I'm an actor,etc.,etc.
They're thinking, dear god ,do I have to play along with this bullshit just to get laid?

Bad Monkey
You're right.  He's talking about lies to set yourself apart.  See my stories above.  You gotta be creative.  Act a little drunker than you are and let it slip that you're a time traveller from the future but the you'll never be able to get back home because the technology to fix your machine doesn't even exist yet.  Then abrubtly change the subject when you realize what you let slip.  Say you're just drunk and babbling, then ask her about her shoes.  You think she's going home with the wannabe doctor or the guy from the future?

This thread needs a female perspective

OMG I never knew Bad Monkey was an astronaut

Bad Monkey
Well, I was an astronaut, but I never actually got to go into space.  After my missed opportunity I crawled into a bottle for the next four years and am trying to get my life back together now.  Things have been going pretty good, but I just have to take it one day at a time.  It still kills me to think what my life could have been, but it hurts a little less every day.

Doback M3
OP is prob a virgin

Thanks to LesterGreen for the OP!

PS This is a Sugar Glider. If you are going to try it, get image on your phone.

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