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UnderGround Forums >> Oh boy -"Transsexual to fight MMA"


5/18/07 2:23 PM
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law dog
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Edited: 18-May-07 02:35 PM
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"May 18, 2007 (Ann Arbor) -Larry Shonk

Who is going to Wolverine Beatdown IV on Saturday?

Uh..., what is Wolverine Beatdown IV you ask? And why haven’t I heard of Wolverine Beatdown I, II, or III?

Well if you’re like me, you don’t follow the sport of mixed martial arts other than free replays of cage fights on FOX Sports at midnight when the wife and kids are soundly asleep. But let me quickly fill you in.

Wolverine Beatdown is an Ann Arbor-area showcase of young cage fighting athletes who display their better-than-mere-boxing skills in front of crowds ranging from 100 to 1000 screaming fans. Okay, you may ask, why is this news now, considering there have been three previous events and not a word reported about those shows?

Well that’s an easy answer as you will ever find. Sheldene Luscata.

Who?

Sheldene Luscata.

So who is Sheldene Luscata? Sheldene is...or let me rephrase that, Sheldene was a female chiropractor from Virginia who moved to Michigan in pursuit of her dream to get involved in movies, and, oh I almost forgot, to transform herself from a woman to a "man." Oh, and those movies she became involved in, well those would be the triple-x type of movies that we all have seen at least once in our lives.

Presto, Sheldene is now a "male" porn star know as Buck Naked. Save the laughs for later please.

What the h*** does this nonsense have to do with sports and why am I of all people writing an article about it? Well brace yourselves, you may want to tighten your hats, button your shirts, and sit down. Buck, or Mr. Naked, whichever you prefer, will be fighting, yes fighting, in this weekend’s Wolverine Beatdown IV. And Buck will be fighting a man, or I guess I should say another man.

Hardcore mixed martial arts fans have expressed their utmost discontent for Buck even being remotely associated with their now-flourishing sport. Owner/President of Wolverine Beatdown, Elias Jacobs, initially even refused to allow Buck to sign up as a competitor for the event. But after a complaint was filed by "Mr. Naked" with the athletic commission, and after receiving a letter threatening a possible discrimination lawsuit, Mr. Jacobs has opted to allow Mr. Naked to compete in this weekend’s festivities.

Ask around and you will hear that this event, Wolvering Beatdown IV, is the event to see this weekend. Many people are furious, some are curious, and yet others are quite anxious about this "historic" night for mixed martial arts. Rumors of those who may be attending Wolverine Beatdown IV include rock guitarist Kid Rock, infamous biker/actor Chuck Zito, and representatives for the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance. What a crowd!

Tickets are selling for $50 at the door, and the number of tickets is said to be limited to 1200. From what I am hearing, Wolverine Beatdown IV is already nearly sold out.

And would you believe that as I am writing this article, Wolverine Beatdown President Elias Jacobs returned my phone call less than one half hour ago to inform that Mr. Naked’s opponent for Wolverine Beatdown IV will be Jonathon Turnberry, who reportedly has an undefeated record with all wins by way of knock out.

For some reason I thought I could detect a smile on Mr. Jacob’s face as he hung up the phone.

Welcome to the World of Sports in 2007.

I think I will retire now.

Larry Shonk is a syndicated sports columnist for the AP News."

5/18/07 2:30 PM
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Willybone
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 01/01/2001
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You're not allowed to link to a photo of genitals on the UG. You should edit out that one link, or the thread will be deleted.

Anyone who's curious can just do a Google image search on the name, anyway.
5/18/07 2:30 PM
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bryguy33569
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 04/24/2006
Posts: 437
That's the kind of 30 second story that will end up on Jim Rome's show, and he will beat it to death, making fun of it on every angle thus mocking mma.
5/18/07 2:32 PM
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law dog
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Edited: 18-May-07
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"You're not allowed to link to a photo of genitals on the UG. You should edit out that one link, or the thread will be deleted." Sorry. Deleted that link. Thanks
5/18/07 2:33 PM
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Atilda
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Edited: 18-May-07
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Ummmm..... fucking gross.
5/18/07 2:51 PM
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GardnerD
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 08/29/2006
Posts: 349
http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o300/dipdnsauce/Lame1.gif
5/18/07 3:10 PM
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EvilMaster
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 05/04/2006
Posts: 11049
Couple questions... When someone knocks he/she the fuck out...Will they be labeled a woman beater or will it be considered a good win? How will "it" get sanctioned? Where do they get the penis?...Is it a cadaver penis?...or do they just make a meat tube somehow and sew it on? Mental health issues also come to mind, this person is obviously in need of some serious long term counciling. Not good imo...Bad for the sport.
5/18/07 3:14 PM
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Lurken
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 03/02/2004
Posts: 2656
Geeeeez Knock it out
5/18/07 3:20 PM
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bryguy33569
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 04/24/2006
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"Where do they get the penis?...Is it a cadaver penis?...or do they just make a meat tube somehow and sew it on?" I actually donated 7 inches of my cack to this fellow. It only left me with 8 inches of my own; however, I feel it's more manageable now.
5/18/07 3:23 PM
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bulldogbreed41
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 02/20/2007
Posts: 200
Fucking sick and this is what happens when lawyers take over the country. Get that weirdo off the show.
5/18/07 3:26 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 18-May-07
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This is in Michigan, where Pro MMA is illegal anyway?
5/18/07 3:27 PM
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maddogmike
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 12/05/2005
Posts: 165
Is this considered human "cock" fighting?
5/18/07 3:33 PM
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EvilMaster
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Edited: 18-May-07
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omfg
5/18/07 3:38 PM
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ASanchez83
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 11/19/2006
Posts: 7
Will the it be required to wear a cup?
5/18/07 3:50 PM
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law dog
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Edited: 18-May-07
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The Adventure of Buck Naked
5/18/07 4:56 PM
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GenericAmerican
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 04/05/2007
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I know everyone is enjoying commenting on this story, but I can't find anything to prove this is real. AP news definitly doesn't have it and I can't find any evidence of a Larry Shonk writing for any sports section anywhere. Do we know where this came from?
5/18/07 5:06 PM
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YourMomsBox
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 01/25/2006
Posts: 2968
That dude is on Stern sometimes. His name is Buck Angel -- not Buck Naked. He / It is fighting MMA? That's funny
5/18/07 5:06 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 18-May-07
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"...But after a complaint was filed by "Mr. Naked" with the athletic commission.."

This is where I call bullshit. The athletic commission doesn't condone or sanction any pro or amatuer MMA in Michigan.
5/18/07 5:07 PM
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causticfix
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Edited: 18-May-07
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*vomits*
5/18/07 5:08 PM
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maddogmike
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Edited: 18-May-07
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^^^good point^^^
5/18/07 6:39 PM
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BEZERKER
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Edited: 18-May-07
Member Since: 04/27/2003
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You just KNOW there is someone out there going "Dude! I FUCKED that chick in high school! IEW!"
5/19/07 10:53 AM
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law dog
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Edited: 19-May-07
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Anyone going to this event?
5/19/07 11:01 AM
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fightsfan
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Edited: 19-May-07
Member Since: 06/06/2004
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What a stealing bitch/bastard! The name BUCK NAKED was the name of a San FRancisco musician and bandleader who was shot and killed in Golden GAte Park in a dispute over pigeons. Guess the name wasnt protected apparently, or if it was someone should stop the lame theft of this name.
5/19/07 12:34 PM
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JoPe
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Edited: 19-May-07
Member Since: 03/19/2005
Posts: 3354
Yummy.....uh, I mean....GROSS...yeah, gross!
5/19/07 12:35 PM
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tlupus
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Edited: 19-May-07
Member Since: 05/11/2007
Posts: 25
I'm about 100% that I have seen "buck" on the Maury show. Actually I'm for sure it was on Maury. It showed it lifting weights and talking about becoming a man. "Born in the wrong body" or something like that.

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