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LegalGround >> Oral Argument


3/25/09 3:05 PM
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HaMMerHouseFAN
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Any tips for my oral argument? I have minen on Firday
3/25/09 3:48 PM
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Cookie Monster
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Pound the podium indignantly, judges love emotional outbursts! When appropriate, cry as this demonstrates you have a connection with your feminine side. Insult opposing counsel, because as we all know the person with the best "zinger" wins. Be sure to use the phrase, "Nigga, please!" at least one time in your argument as this will show that you are "street" and not to be trifled with.

These things have played a role in my oral arguments over the years and have helped form me into the lawyer I am today. Good luck.
3/25/09 4:43 PM
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HaMMerHouseFAN
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-Niggah Puleas: Check
-Pound Podium: Check
-Crying: Check

Any help with a good Zinger? I really want to let the opposing counsel have it.
3/27/09 2:17 PM
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Cookie Monster
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insult their looks and/or clothes, liken opponent to a clown works well and often...

"Your honor, that drivel you just heard from opposing counsel was a joke! You know it was a joke by just looking at this clown. Only a clown would come ot court with that ugly-ass tie on and those dopey shoes. Wardrobe must be from the Brokeback collection. Nigga Paaaalease!!! Judge, here's ther real deal, ya feel me?... " then seque into your your argument/performance.
3/27/09 4:49 PM
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goku
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recite the alphabet?
3/28/09 5:02 PM
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bflex
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Cookie Monster has given you the best advice that there is. Dis on opposing counsel every chance you get. Make it personal. Cookie Monster might like "nigga please", but I prefer dropping a "fuck" or "bullshit" in my opening and/or closing just to keep the juries interest.

That is why the My Cousin Vinny opening was so great "Ladies and Gentleman, everything that guy just said is bullshit." Short, to the point, dis'es opposing counsel and has shock value.

Now if you combine Cookie Monster's suggestions with mine, the opening would be even better. "Nigga please, everything he just said is fucking bullshit." By taking out the "ladies and gentleman" and substituting "nigga please" you accomplish the same thing with regard to an introduction. However, you are able to add an extra dis at the same time.

So let's break this down:

"Ladies and Gentleman, everything that guy just said is bullshit."

A greating, followed by a dis with ok shock value for the swear.

Now check this out:

"Nigga please, everything he just said is fucking bullshit."

A greating and a dis incorporated into one. Followed by a second dis with twice the shock value.

I think you know what you need to do.
3/30/09 9:56 AM
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HaMMerHouseFAN
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Just so you guys know. I did my oral argument on the 3rd of arguments and after using the advice that was posted by Friday, the prof. said I had the best argument they had seen so far.
3/30/09 12:30 PM
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Cookie Monster
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Rock On!!
3/30/09 9:34 PM
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Dojosensei
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My oral argument went something like this...

Blow me...

NO

Blow me...

NO

BLOW ME...

NO

I WANT YOU TO BLOW ME!!!

NO

It was a tough oral argument
3/30/09 9:46 PM
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bflex
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In that case, I have been losing all of my oral arguments for the last 11 years.
3/31/09 9:23 AM
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Dojosensei
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I've lost more than my fair share as well haha
4/6/09 7:16 PM
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Dcastillo
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Sometimes its harder to get oral than to get laid. No doubt.
4/6/09 7:17 PM
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Dojosensei
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noooooo shit

I love the ones that brag about how great they are at oral and you keep looking at your watch waiting for them to get tired of doing it because they are just fucking terrible
4/6/09 8:33 PM
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Dcastillo
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Actually DJS

Im changing my opinion, its near impossible to get oral sometimes. Bitches put that shit on a pedastal now that i think about the times girls gave it up but were reluctant to suck dick.

True that about dissapointing cabeza.

Most girls have trouble giving me proper attention down there, the only girl that was good at it was a major whore.
4/6/09 9:18 PM
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Dojosensei
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every now and then...ya just gotta bang a whore though
4/23/09 11:23 AM
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Dcastillo
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Yeah she would try to go down all the way and then stick her tongue out to lick the pelotas. I dunno htf she did that, probably relaxed gag reflex.

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