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DantheWolfMan UnderGround >> what would u do...tony


1/13/03 7:19 AM
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top_dawg
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Edited: 13-Jan-03 07:42 AM
Member Since: 28-Sep-00
Posts: 2
 
there is a guy at my work that works for me. whenever he does something wrong or does something immature that affects the workplace...i bring him into my office and talk to him. but the last time i caught him doing something, i calmly talked to him about the situation. he reacted with some major attitude and aggression in his voice and tone. he said something like ... "dont even start with me"... anyways, i didn't show fear and i changed my tone too, because i felt that he was disrespecting me. he's always had a temper and an attitude problem. what should i do...sometimes i feel like im just going to lose it and call him out or he will lose it and call me out. i've been training off and on with bjj and kickboxing. i think i have enough skills to beat him. but the lack of training is also there. my only problem is that i think he has more experience in streetfighting than me. since most of my sparring are supervised and controlled, i fear that he has an upperhand on me because he seems to have a lot of experience in streetfighting than me. how should i approach this problem. thanks
1/13/03 11:11 AM
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FJJ828
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Edited: 13-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 343
NAPLES BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU L.L.C.
If he calls you out, what will you do? If you call him out, what would you expect to happen? In either situation, what is at stake? You are the boss. What should a boss do? I'd start there. Just my .02 Fletch
1/13/03 11:32 AM
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AdamLaClair
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Edited: 13-Jan-03 12:10 PM
Member Since: 23-Mar-02
Posts: 343
ImposeYourWill.com
One of the things I enjoy about Tony's business is the name: Tactical CONFRONTATION MANAGEMENT Systems. The principles he teaches apply to so much more than the actual moment of physically fighting an opponent. The system employs methods to resolve conflict BEFORE it turns physical. This is morally, professionally, ethically, and legally superior to resolving our problems with violence. One of the key steps to resolving any conflict is the principle of the "3 D's" of self defense........ 1. Detect
2. Defuse
3. Defend You have already "detected" a problem. Take it a step further, though: WHY is he giving you attitude? Is there a problem you aren't aware of? The "don't even start with me" MIGHT be directly personal towards you because of repeated reprimands that he has begun to resent, or it could be misplaced anger directed at you because of accumulated anxiety caused elsewhere. How have the other "talks" gone? Is this the first time he's shown such disrespect? He might have just been having a really bad day........ You need to further analyze the problem, and as his "boss," you need to be the judge of what "THE PROBLEM" really is..... The next "step" to follow is NOT to "call him out," but to DEFUSE the situation. Fighting him won't solve your problems, although it might make things MUCH WORSE. If you can figure out WHY he's having a problem, that may help. The two ends of the "Defuse-spectrum" here would be:
1. Determine what his problem is, work with him in a positive, constructive, proactive manner, and find a solution that meets both of your needs.
2. Fire him due to insubordination, unacceptable behavior in the workplace, etc. etc. Either way, refuse to "fight" with him, mentally or physically. You are the only one there, so you'll have to determine (as his boss) how much inappropriateness is acceptable before it is just plain unacceptable. At the same time, you might generate a new level of respect and loyalty from him if you can HELP him solve whatever the problem is. The 3rd step, DEFEND, refers to physical confrontation. It should be avoided whenever possible. This is not about your ego as a martial artist vs. his ego as a streetfighter, it is about your responsibilities as a supervisor versus his job performance. Getting into a streetfight will not solve the problem. Also, consider this: You say you have an office, so I assume you have others who work underneath you as well? You are setting an EXAMPLE to ALL of them on how to deal with problems at the work place. What would you do, how would you feel, if they began to resolve work-related disputes by "stepping outside" to settle things? Regardless of personal feelings, you could be tangling with professional/legal ramifications if you were to physically engage this person. Are you the "big" boss? Would you additionally be putting your OWN job on the line for unacceptable behavior? DEFUSE the problem, don't escalate it into the physical realm. I'm curious as to what Tony might have to add to this all-too-common situation, but as a person who used to supervise over 30 people myself, I would suggest you simply do your job (as his boss) by focusing on his (job), and how you can best HELP HIM to conform to your standards of acceptable behavior, or how you can best help BOTH OF YOU by giving him a career change opportunity/option. Good luck!! Adam LaClair
Personal Defense Readiness Team
1/13/03 12:08 PM
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temp152885
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Edited: 13-Jan-03 01:13 PM
Member Since: 31-Jan-02
Posts: 38
Adam covers the Detect / Defuse and Defend mode above. Perhaps this will also help #1 - Not knowing what your line of work is or the environment you work in, my advice would be to document whatever your conversations are as well as his inappropriate behavior’s and file them with the appropriate person. If it is your business you own, document the inappropriate behavior and then terminate (his employment :)) the person. #2 – I subscribe to PDR’s pressure cooker theory….”no one can sustain an adrenaline dump unless you facilitate it”. So by you raising your tone only allows him to continue his hostile/aggressive behavior, perhaps not your best choice :) #3 – Your statement of “I think he has more streetfighting experience than you do”…..perhaps he does, perhaps he doesn’t…allow yourself to re-frame his “street experience”. Dont allow it to be any more than experience.... if he indeed has street experience, perhaps it is him getting his ass kicked in every encounter. Even if he hasn’t lost all of them….., don’t put a “badge of skills” on someone that inhibits your ability to perform. This will get you in FEAR loop, reference PDR’s “Cycle of Behavior” to learn more about that. It is on the Rape Safe tape. Hope it helps, good luck Joe Mullings
1/13/03 1:05 PM
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Chuckk
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Edited: 13-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 92
"The 3rd step, DEFEND, refers to physical confrontation. It should be avoided whenever possible. This is not about your ego as a martial artist vs. his ego as a streetfighter, it is about your responsibilities as a supervisor versus his job performance." IMO it's more than supervisor and job performance. I would add that it's your responabiblity as a law abiding citizen and a compassionate human being. By escalating this conflict you are both complicit as well as culpable under the law (at least everywhere I am familiar with). Diffuse is the way to go. Defend only if you have to. Peace, Chuck P.S. Gavin De Becker's book Gift of Fear has some great advice and information on this kind of trouble in the work place. Read it if you haven't already.
1/13/03 5:36 PM
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rbradk
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Edited: 13-Jan-03
Member Since: 14-Dec-02
Posts: 10
One of the phrases I heard from Mr. Blauer that has burned itself into my brain: NEVER LET PRIDE OR EGO DICTATE YOUR STRATEGY. As a manager in a small company where pride and ego dictate most of the employees strategy regarding their life at home and their life at work....I give them some advice. Learn to reframe your attitude at work or learn to do something else. It is not acceptable and it is not the policy of the company to allow this behavior to continue. Period. I finish this off by saying that I do not sign my own paychecks....If this behavior happens again, I put mine at risk. Do you understand???Document the encounter and notify your superiors. This will ultimately have an influence on their bottom line.....
1/13/03 9:42 PM
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Tony Blauer
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Edited: 13-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 416
Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.
Excellent replies Adam, JOe...good addition Chuck and Gavin's book is an excellent recomendation. In fact everyone's rpelies were spot on...nothing to add :-) Im very pleased to say! TOny
1/14/03 10:44 AM
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Johnny99
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Edited: 14-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 2712
Speaking as someone who has operated his own business for many years, it is my opinion that you should have already fired this guy. If you've had to talk to him that many times and he is causing problems in the workplace, fire him. There no reason for egos and "calling out." Just tell him that you're not satisfied with his job performance, he has violated company policy, and you're not comfortable having him on the schedule at this time. Tell him that if he would like to call you in thirty days or so, you would be happy to discuss the possibility of putting him back on the schedule, but right now you feel this is the best course of action and you hope he understands and respects your decision. And tell him you'd be happy to give him a reference, too. Here's a template I use to evaluate behavior. I got it from Jo Ellen Demitrius, a jury selection consultant. 1) Does the behavior reflect a lapse of judgement, a temporary loss of inhibitions, or a more deep-seated lack of fundamental values? 2) Did the behavior continue for a long time? 3) Did the person attempt to cover up the behavior? 4) Was the behavior inconsistent with the person’s usual pattern? 5) Was the behavior entirely voluntary or was there some other force at play? Hope that helps. J
1/14/03 1:14 PM
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sudbrink
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Edited: 14-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 10
How to Deal with Difficult People: Bosses – Co-workers – Employees Joseph P. Bablonka, Ph.D. http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/workplace.html
1/14/03 10:01 PM
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AlbertaPDR
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Edited: 14-Jan-03
Member Since: 02-Jun-02
Posts: 35
Top Dawg, I work in an environment that can often be quite hostile, and have been invovled in some precarious situations with employees that have worked underneath me. Joe Mullings offers some solid advise that will aid in protecting yourself in case an employee would go as far as filing a grievance against you. " In order to manipulates one's behavior, you must be able to understand it first" Tony Blauer. This quote by Mr. Blauer is something that should send off some lightbulbs. In understanding the behavior of that particular employee you have already started working on strategies to solve the problem. The PDR research has been filtered out in the posts above, it is now up to you decide your next move. There never is a magic pill or potion to solving problems. You must weigh and consider the consequences to your actions and the actions of your employees. We strive for the proverbial win/win, but often there is something for someone to lose. In the business enviroment documenting everything is critical as it is your " record of events". Here in Canada, the labour laws may differ, but I am sure that any judge will tell you that your memory will never hold up in court, but your documentation (tangible supporting evidence) will. To help you build confidence with future confrontations, I would suggest subscribing to Blauer's simulation and replication theories. For example. On my management TEAM, we re-create scenarios congrous with our business environment, so we can build strategies and confidence in handling tough situations. Role playing is a necesary component, and would help you with your particular problem. The PDR process and Mr. Blauer's research has made me more successful as a professional, because the material is all about how emotions, behavior and psychology affects our performance. The pertains to the street as well as the board room. Robb Finlayson, PDR Team
1/23/03 8:49 PM
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BlackBart
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Edited: 23-Jan-03
Member Since: 12-Mar-02
Posts: 32
Fire his A--!!! Axe him, if he's got an attitude problem you don't need it spoiling the rest of the team... Cut your losses and replace him... Jack
1/25/03 10:44 PM
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Newdragonlives
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Edited: 25-Jan-03
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 33
Hi, I have been here before but only posted recently, My name is Kevin I'm 38 years old live near Seattle and have trained in (don't really know what to call it) Gung Fu that Bruce Lee taught to a couple of roomates way back when in 1959. Changes have been made but the core is still there. I really like what everyone has had to say. Top_dawg has gotten some great advice. Some real eye openers from Adam about trying to help the guy, your job as a boss is to help the company get the most out of everything. So helping this guy out and (Detect) looking at things from his view will be better for everyone. I just want to know one thing Top_dawg. How come your worried about this guy maybe having street experience? If your a fighter there should be no doubt in your mind that if this guy moves on you that you are going to do what you train and if you train to take him out right now there won't be time to wonder or care what he has done in the past. Who lives in the past, (me on some things in life) especially in fighting. There is no yesterday just the here and now. If you believe in your training then what is there to worry about? New Dragon

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