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GirlGround >> I really can believe this.


5/25/10 7:08 PM
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Stronghold
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So, let's just recap this whole thing in terms our male views can understand. I go out of my way to be nice and not use women in distress and even go as far as to believe they are now reformed into the good, wholesome women that they wanted to be and, instead of this earning me the life affirming sex marathon that would most likely keep me from having to rack my brain every single day find a reason to crawl out of bed and face the world once again (and I'll be damned if I haven't actually run out of reasons), I get shit on by several women in the a couple of months and even three in the same day last week.

This isn't new, this is the culmination of 30 years of being ignored, marginalized, and treated as insignificant by women. The only time I've gotten good play was when I acted like a total asshole towards everyone and then I hated myself so bad it just wasn't worth it. Well, that was then, this is me 15 years and a failed marriage later. The only thing keeping me from going off the deepend for some well deserved time in a padded cell is that if I don't keep it 100% together, my ex will probably try to take my son away from me. You try being super-Daddy when you are only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a day for a month or two. So far I'm pulling it off just fine, but we'll get to that in a minute.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: The women involved here have not done anything wrong. I am not blaming them for anything and I am not actually mad at them. I am livid that being the best, and most honorable man I could be has landed me here. Had I been willing to take advantage of needy women, drunks, and many others that defy easy classification, how less lonely yet shallow my life would have been. In some cases I should have made the first move or the last but I just thought I shouldn't. And, until this day I had never second guessed my inborn desire to be honorable.

But, that time is over; the rules have now changed.

What's really annoying here is that no matter what I say or do at this point, nothing will change. My friends that I supposedly meant so so so much to won't be driving or flying to Dallas for a long weekend romp with me. Directly or indirectly... most directly, they have let me know that I am going to get through this just fine and that tomorrow is another day. Also, obviously, I am not desirable to them and seem repulsed by the idea of being with me. That's great. It is as if they believe words are a real substitute for affection. There is literally nothing I can say or do to change their minds at this point either so, in a real way, I am more alone now than when I was not able to really talk to these women because I was a good, unerringly faithful husband.

But, some things find a way to work themselves out.

To sum up:

Thomas isn't here any more. A totally self serving asshole is busy typing this while he sulks in some mental corner because he had been fucking crushed. Poor guy. If he's lucky, he'll get to be put back in charge some day. But, the truth be told, I'm actually a better father than he is because I don't worry about shit at all and my son and I just have fun. I also get to yell at people at work now... and that's been pretty productive actually.

Sorry for the rant but, you know, I do feel a little better now and this really is finally all about me :) It's been a long, dull road getting here too, let me tell you.
5/25/10 9:57 PM
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Stronghold
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Edited: 05/25/10 10:58 PM
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Yes it does... but I notice that you are still not planning a trip to Dallas any time soon. In fact, you wouldn't even consider it as it would never cross your mind. Being the case, you might not really understand me nearly as well as you think you do...
5/26/10 9:46 AM
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Stronghold
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Edited: 05/26/10 11:44 PM
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I have never been motivated to do so!

Having to take care of my son makes travelling very difficult but far from impossible. I have found that excuses not to do something become nothing more than challenges with the proper motivation and mental attitude.

Hey, seriously, it's obvious you don't think that you have a lot of positive things going on right now. I really wish I could do something to help you out there. I really wanted to but that is another discussion entirely. So, all I can tell you is this:

I happen to be a good judge of character. I've not been wrong about someone very often. So, when I tell you that you really have a strong spirit and a trait that set you apart from others, believe it. Even though you won't let yourself see those things, others do. That is why I am even bothering to talk to you, you really are a special person, you just don't see that now.

So, that's something positive.

Also, I really do appreciate your understanding.
5/27/10 3:58 AM
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Collin Reuter
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Sounds like me in 15 years.
5/27/10 9:12 AM
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Stronghold
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It doesn't have to be. I've had to be totally selfless for the past year and a half for my son's sake. It's not like my ex was doing much to help out. That will drive you insane if you let it... like it did me.

You must be a little selfish to get what you want if for no other reason than no one else will give you what you want.

You see, I figured out women, politics, and society; I just haven't bothered posting it here because everyone who as their own agenda or is shortsighed will argue with me. But, a small part of being successful is being selfishly assertive. That is how you push yourself and others out of the comfort zone and that GETS THINGS DONE. Winners do what others are unwilling to.

But, we confuse being an asshole that is that way to get things done with one that is just a plain, insecure asshole so that's the big problem. If you don't know why you are attracted to the pushy, assertive Maverick, you won't be able to tell a good one from an asshat.

Take that for what it's worth. Stop being afraid and start living for yourself. If 'yourself' includes others happiness, then everyone can win!
5/27/10 11:40 AM
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Gullivers Travels
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no offense, but you are coming off as very desperate. If you are always that way with women, you will scare them off. Doesn't mean you have to be an asshole, but there is room in between.
5/27/10 11:41 AM
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Gullivers Travels
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Edited: 05/27/10 11:40 AM
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d bl
5/27/10 11:53 AM
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Stronghold
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Edited: 05/27/10 12:06 PM
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No, I'm just making a point, but I can see how you could become confused like that. Dude, I'm in the cat-bird's seat. I don't want anything from anyone... I will be enjoying myself and doing what I want though. A few very lucky people will get invited along for the ride.

Let the good time roll, Holmes!
5/27/10 2:34 PM
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Cheekyboom
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I am happy with my life and me so I am posting to you (both) from a state of mind that I wish for you. I am totally drawn in to wanting to help (my own flaw of needing to try to help others all the time) so forgive me if I overstep any lines, it is not my intention to offend anyone or appear pushy...

With that said... I am a true believer that until you are what most people call "selfish" (erroneously misconceived in my opinion) you will not find what you are looking for in the end.
Everyone needs to love themselves first, if that means being "selfish" to make you happy - then that is exactly what you need to do. SO many people have a hard time allowing themselves to do this... its very common. You are not alone - but you need to think of the inner person and what that person needs from you right now...

In addition, I really mean this next line... Once you take care of you, first (obviously not counting your son, as a parent we always put our kids high on the list) but you still need to make YOU happy - then all the rest falls into place.

It is a serious mistake that believing in being a total giver or a self-martyr will bring happiness...it will not. It will please others for a short while you are giving up your entire self, until that is not enough. Then you are left alone, miserable, and empty.

Work on making you happy...be selfish in a good way that makes you happy, but just not an asshole. Truly those shallow women who are attracted to assholes, are insecure life-sucking bitches anyhow, and they never stay around long (once they bleed the life out of you) anyhow.

When you find that inner core of peace, happiness and love for yourself, then it will glow from within and attract the people that you will want to be around - and those who respect and appreciate you, for you!

I know that sounds like a cliché or corny attitude, but I believe in it. I am very happy now, but that was not always the case - after failing horribly at marriage more than once (sadly)... I was so self-defeated I wanted to end the pain... Then I decided to be selfish, and presto... everything changed for me.
Not overnight, and not all at once, but little by little I noticed things and eventually met my current husband who makes me feel so loved. I wake up with a smile every day.

Sorry for sounding like a fortune cookie, but I hope this helps, even if in a small way.
5/27/10 3:27 PM
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Stronghold
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That exactly what I'm talking about, Cheek. Man though... this has been a rough year. I think it had to take all the bad, annoying bullshit hitting me all at once to break me out of SuperDaddy mode 24x7x365.24. My son is doing just fine now. But, if I'd have lived only for myself like the ex pretty much was doing there for a while, he might not be.

My priorities really have shifted now and for the better. A lot of what I was doing before was because I either had to or because I thought I had to. Fortunately, things change.

It's great to hear that someone actually does 'get' this. I'm just surprised an OGer bothered to actually really read a post :)

66,000 posts, who knows how many hundreds of thousands of posts read and how many millions of words read and it comes down to having 2 sentences about something unrelated to me to cause it all to go over the edge.

That points to it being a bigger issue. Time to be among the living I think.
5/27/10 3:37 PM
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Cheekyboom
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If I had to guess, I would say that seeing the issue at hand was a huge step for you. That was a really good step, and befittingly brave of you to want to face it and do something about it. I really wish the very best for you.

Ok, so heres my seriously corny suggestion, that makes people laugh at first, but comment later how it actually worked...

Daily Affirmations, in the morning, (post-its on the mirror to get you started) that will build a foundation of happiness from within. You will feel silly at first, but those darn things will start seeping in and make you smile.

Oh and shopping...for yourself..something sexy, totally impractical, of things you wanted, but sacrificed previously. (Im a woman, so for me it was a major trip to VS - but Im sure you get the idea)

By the way, I think it was very manly and brave of you with what you sacrificed for your son...and now its time to work on daddy. A happy dad is worth more to him than any thing else.
5/27/10 4:29 PM
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Stronghold
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Thank you. I know what I finally really need though... I mean, women have caused all of my current problems so they were the last thing on my mind but... the rules have changed!

I will give it some thought to what you say though.
5/27/10 7:23 PM
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Cheekyboom
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Something to chew on - I used to think all men were "douchebag-loser-users"... then I realized..I was actually seeking the dogs out, instead of trying on a nice guy for a change... I think that goes both ways in dating.

one more thing... double-bag it nowadays...its scary out there. =) lol /hug

5/28/10 1:02 AM
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cincibill
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Cheekyboom,

You have an excellent writing style and I agree, the daily affirmations have done wonders for me too.

The founder of the company I work with sent e-mail "motivational quotes of the day". He recently passed and there was an overwhelming request to continue with the tradition.
As I get older and wiser I am learning that attitude and outlook is everything, and I control my attitude and outlook.
5/28/10 8:04 AM
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Stronghold
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Well, as I have written ad nauseum on the OG, we only actually have one choice in life and it is NOT what happens to us. We don't get to choose that.

The only choice we get to make it how we react to what does happen. We are the summation of every choice we have made. So, it is really important to made positive choices continually... which are usually the harder ones to make and people are by nature kinda lazy.

But, we can also all go a little crazy once in a while and lose that ability entirely. I was almost there for a few days. It was a wild ride, not being in the driver's seat anymore... good thing I'm not a violent person by nature :) It did let my mind and emotions go places they normally wouldn't which, for now, is good enough.

You can be a pirate and a good man, btw :) Just don't allow the dogs to piss on you.
5/28/10 8:13 AM
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Cheekyboom
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Stronghold -  Just don't allow the dogs to piss on you.


Unless you are stung by a man-of-war...or so I've heard.

It's nice to hear that the age ole wisdom of
"You can't control what happens to you, but only how you react to it"
are still spreading through the masses. No truer words to live by. The other half is
"no expectations, no disappointments"
but I tend to think if you live a life of indifference, without getting dirty or taking chances, then its quite a boring life to regret in the end.

Someone once told me that its not the fortunate and delightful experiences that define us, but that it is the trials and tribulations that form who we are, and what we do with what we learned.

But try explaining that to a stubborn teenager.. wowzers.
5/28/10 8:55 AM
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Stronghold
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I'm trying to teach my son that, once in a while, we should do something we are afraid of. 6yos don't get that though!
5/28/10 9:28 AM
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Cheekyboom
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Seriously I know the feeling. =)

Oh and the other lesson "you don't need a whole role of TP to get the job done" also eludes my young boy. My plunger has seen more action than Debbie Does Dallas.
5/28/10 10:01 AM
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Stronghold
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Hmm... the whole bitter flavour of this thread is gone now.

Is this a positive sign or does it count a thread-jacking? Well, if that was my mid-life crisis, I have to say that they are overrated. I got neither a Ferrari nor a 18yo bimbet out of the deal. I also didn't get arrested, into a car wreck, have a fist fight, the crabs, nor a paternity suit out of it. I just realized what my place in the world has become and how to deal with it.

That's either inspiring or feeble. Either way, you guys know how to reach me if you need to.
5/28/10 10:33 AM
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morotetsuke
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damn stronghold,

you gotta get laid.

by the way, taking the high road all the time....it's not healthy. from your other posts, i'd wager we are in the same age bracket. we got fed a lot of the "good guy, do the right thing, loyalty, and honor" messages in every tv show, cartoon, book and magazine in those formative years.

without going into a long historical background, I'll tell you....it's past time you let go and joined me on the dark side.



5/28/10 12:03 PM
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Cheekyboom
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It was not my intention to hijack - if I did inadvertently, perhaps it was my subconscious attempt to provoke a smile.

I am all for letting your hair down, on the dark side as it were, just remember to only visit hell-town, not take up residence.
All those young & dumb who think it is great there, will be lonely despondent bastards in 40 years... sorry studs...it is true. (And we all know who they are..the unshaven, beer belly, perverted relative that you smile and say hello to but pray he doesn't want a hug...)

I think you are one of the good people, and that is not an insult, as I intend it to be a genuine compliment. From reading your other posts, I can tell you have an open mind, are not afraid to speak your mind, and are curious about personal growth and insight. It is very attractive to women when a man is curious, doesn't pretend to know everything, and it confident enough to pursue anything...

Those are all wonderful, sexy qualities. =) Chin up...Smile, and play hard. It is OK to vent and blow off steam once in a while...just not to the point you need antibiotics to recover (unless she was totally worth it)LOL j/k
5/28/10 12:26 PM
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Stronghold
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I would tell you that I posted some recent pics on the 'You wanted more pics...' thread but I'm afraid you'd leave your husband for me :)

By the way, the advice "Keep your chin up!" makes no sense to a kickboxer. You tuck it and lead with the jab!

I will also tell you that just before I met my wife-to-be, I was acting like Malcovich's character in Dangerious Liasons; pitting people against each other, deceiving the innocent, cheating at cards, all that shit. I had a ball doing it and got some great play. But I stopped doing it when I realized that Schadenfruede and being a cunning prick is a sad excuse for actually being alive inside.

I am sure there is a middle ground there. I don't need to be a prick to be happy. Anyway, I'm not worried with it. With the right mindset, it'll all work out.

And, yes I do need to get laid but missed several opportunities on the same week (or day even) and that's what sent me off. If I had known taking advantage of the desparate was what they really wanted all along, I wouldn't have gone over the edge. Damned 'old married man' habits!!
5/28/10 2:05 PM
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Cheekyboom
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As much as I would love to say that there are spiritual lexis that would enlighten or resolve the lot, I have to admit that “getting laid” will inevitably clear the cobwebs and allow the sun to shine a bit brighter.

I have yet to analyze this one out completely- but for some reason, it look as if it is the insecure women (usually the younger ones, but not always) flock to the jerks – but astonishing changes occur in women as soon as the ticking clock is louder than the itch. That is when women covet the confidant, yet nice man, well beyond the Neanderthal that caused her panties to hit the floor previously.

For me, I prefer men who are a good-hearted person but have flashes of evil that keep me intrigued with desire for what is next. Maybe it is remnants of earlier habits, or perhaps I just do not want to be conjoined at the hip with Mr. Rogers.

I want my mate to let the sex-crazed animal out and not act like laundry (as something I need to tend to as a chore). I adore men who are confident, persistent, and determined. Those who act responsible and thoughtful rather than impulsive and who are empathetic toward other people.

It is very sexy when men are optimistic rather than pessimistic and remember to smile. The power of that smile is wildly attractive.

As for the middle ground, It is only when a man identifies between a misogynistic throwback and the value of mutual proclivity for self-awareness will he join the masses of blissful but not blinded.

4/11/11 10:40 PM
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Stronghold
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As for the middle ground, It is only when a man identifies between a misogynistic throwback and the value of mutual proclivity for self-awareness will he join the masses of blissful but not blinded.

... hasn't helped me so far.
4/11/11 11:55 PM
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Stronghold
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And, fuckitallsincetheexwifeisgettingmarried, I can't even tear off and go insane because of my son. Being a good person is not its own reward. It never has been. It's just another prison. Paladins still die, just not of syphillus.

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