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8/10/12 8:05 PM
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BrazilianBorat
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Member Since: 8/6/09
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I dont drink everyday,I just drink to deal better with the clonazepan withdraw.
8/10/12 8:29 PM
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egundy
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Member Since: 4/18/12
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Well I'm not a doctor and not sure if you are trolling. If not I wish you would not drink while trying to get off meds.
I take meds but still self medicate. I may be calling the kettle black but if I can help someone I try.
I know it's not easy but I am trying to better myself. Baby steps right now. I try to be happy one day at a time.
8/13/12 7:27 PM
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goeb
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BrazilianBorat - I dont drink everyday,I just drink to deal better with the clonazepan withdraw.

Hate to sound like a bigot/haughty and I am not trying to be but...using alcohol to treat benzo withdrawal is counter-intuitive unless it is very minimal.

Alcohol withdrawal is just as rigorous and strenuous as getting off benzos. Messes up your neuro-transmitters.

I am finding it really hard to do exposures lately, plus my social anxiety makes me pace a lot no matter where I am. I do find Lyrica has helped me though along with 20mg of Cipralex (it does reduce sex drive and delays urination but that is about it).

I have been attending sports bars to watch UFCs quite frequently which is going well but I don't interact with anyone there outside of my friend, too daunting.
8/16/12 3:37 PM
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chaplinshouse
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DoubleBagger - I start British college in three weeks, going to give myself a hard slap in the face and stop being a complete pussy. Seriously, this shit is crippling. No idea how I will cope.

find a reputable hypnotist they are miracle workers in reprogramming your mind, and that's all this is.  you can put a blanket over the dragon but that dragon is still there so not big on pills or booze as the first choice.  you have to break the negative programming that has taken root.  pills are a band-aid.  a good hypnotist will erase your negative social instincts.  i hope you'll consider it strongly.  just research the shit out of the hypnotists you'd consider to avoid the hacks and quacks.  you will beat this and be able to laugh about it one day.  Good luck man you'll get there
8/23/12 6:19 PM
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DoubleBagger
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Engulfed by darkness I am at the very edge of my altered existence. This monster is devouring me piece by piece and will leave me to die with no soul and emotion left in tact. I was once a promising youth, devout to education and goodness; but this being has changed my state of consciousness and plunged me into a hell that never ends. It gives no reason, it gives no excuse, no sorry. Only pain and suffering as this disease dismantles my sanity before my very eyes. I cannot stop it, only watch and wonder what life would be like if I was normal. If I could've played with the other children without fear, if I could've stood up in class and read my speech. Even now when I am writing this, if that last hint of anxiety could be flushed through my system and leave me pure and rid of the shadow that binds me.

I do not know what caused it, only that I hope that no one else is going through the pain that strangles me. But that is not true, everywhere I go I see and hear of people with this vice, and it saddens me that there are so many similar people. But why do I still feel alone? Honestly, I don't know. Most of the time I enjoy being alone, it is soothing. To be alone in my own company, to feel the cold breeze on my neck and the heavy rain on the roof; spattering with a dull numbing sound. I love that. The sound of rain, the atmosphere it generates. Rain is lonely too, rain is an outcast that is second to the sun. Though as I sit here, soaking in my own sorry, I yearn for company. For someone to love me like my mother did, for someone to be proud of me like father was, and for someone who is friends with me like the rain. I just want this to end, I just want things to be like they used to be. Although I know that is not true, nostalgia has a power like no other. My prayers for the past will go unanswered, the stabbing pain of my memories will increase.

As I am writing this, the alcohol is flowing through my veins. I do not deny it, it is an honest, civil sin. The media I see on the TV, the music through the airwaves, the blackened and bruised culture that consumes my peers. The world is crumbling around me. But as I sit here, amidst the rubble and waste of the earth, I think: “is this a bad thing? Is that not what I always wanted?”. Many a night I would wish the world would end, that it would swallow me up in a fiery doom. And once my tiny existence ended, I would confront my maker and ask him why. Why? Why was I tasked with such a burden? To carry the weight of others judgement upon my shoulders, the chains of fear wrapped around my ankles as the mark of the outcast was imprinted upon my skin? At school I was physically and mentally bullied, upon my soul lies the scars of torturers past and forgotten. But as I look upon those bullies now I see their lives have been fulfilled and promises kept; they lead good lives and have happy families. I have nothing, save for the rain and my bottle of whiskey.

And as I lie here tonight, beneath the wind and the rain, I will dream again of the world's end.


That is going into the novel I am writing about social anxiety, a bit dramatic but it seems ok.
6/12/13 5:37 PM
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HeHitsMeBecauseHeLovesMe
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Ttt
6/12/13 5:54 PM
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HeHitsMeBecauseHeLovesMe
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The past couple of years, I've been gradually isolating myself. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, but it's driven me to the point of constant suicidal thoughts. I avoid everybody I know, to the point that most of my old friends and acquaintances think I hate them for no reason.

Then a few days ago, I started reading about SAD. I was immediately shocked, it was as if I were reading about my life word for word. It's destroying every relationship I have. If I even have a simple appointment to be to, I feel extremely overwhelmed. Then when it's over, I feel mentally exhausted yet really relieved.

It just started developing when I was about 20(be 24 in Aug). By the time I was 21 1/2, I was addicted to opiates, and IVing them. It made it so much easier to communicate and not be completely confined by inhibitions. I've been clean since December, and I never want to go back. But the problem is, my anxiety is now at an all time high, and it's really messing with my mind.

I feel so depressed, I hardly leave my bed anymore. I just feel so alone, which makes me even more depressed. I don't want to take the medication that I've heard they prescribe. They're just anti-depressents, correct? I'm currently on a small amount of suboxone daily, so benzo's aren't an option. I haven't read this whole thread, but I will now. If there is any advice you can give, that hasn't been posted, I would greatly appreciate it. Phone Post
6/12/13 5:55 PM
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HeHitsMeBecauseHeLovesMe
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DoubleBagger - My anxiety is still fucking my life up. Whenever I walk into a room I feel like it's all eyes on me, and that everyone is judging the way I look, the way I walk, and even the way I position my hands. I'm weighing up whether or not to drop out of college due to persistent migraines caused by anxiety attacks and sloping grades. It's funny, I used to have lots of mates when I was younger, I was pretty outgoing too, but now the only person close to me is my shadow. I like solitude, but I'm going stir crazy at the moment. Dad-gone, girlfreind-gone, mum-ill, freinds-moved on. I think I'm going to down a bottle of whiskey and cry myself while watching re runs of animal house..
God, it's as if you are telling me, about myself. Phone Post
6/12/13 6:26 PM
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HeHitsMeBecauseHeLovesMe
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Shit, I thought this was on the og.
6/13/13 5:06 PM
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DoubleBagger
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Might start a thread on the OG with the same title and get some positive vibes going.
6/13/13 5:29 PM
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HeHitsMeBecauseHeLovesMe
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I did yesterday. Phone Post
10/19/13 1:07 AM
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LooseyGoosey
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Edited: 03/15/14 3:17 AM
Member Since: 8/15/11
Posts: 113
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