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GirlGround >> Help With GF & Weight Loss


4/6/11 4:59 AM
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Jeremy Fisher
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 Ladies, I need your advice.  Posting away from OG so that I get mainly women or dudes who want to be women for advice.

Before me and my GF met she went through a couple year depression and put on some weight.  When we met she already had the weight, so not an issue romantically or sexually for me.  Problem is, she says she's happy but has not seriously done anything to get rid of the weight she knows she would like to lose. 

She knows, she always brings up the conversation whenever we have it, that she needs to get fit and healthy again.  I offer to work out with her, go on walks with her, change diet with her, etc.  She will NOT work out with me b/c she's afraid of looking stupid, even though I've told her that doesn't matter to me nor should it matter to her.  We only go sporadically for walks.  Diet is hit and miss as well.

How can I get it through to her that if she wants to be healthy and fit again, she just needs to power through it?  I'm looking for the feminine advice on this.  I love this woman deeply and know she is VERY self conscious of her weight and I want her to be as healthy as much as she does.
4/6/11 11:15 AM
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meow mix
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It's something that has to click inside her head. You could always buy a full year gym membership and give it to her as a gift. She'll either say, I have no excuse now or she'll be semi-guilted into using it because you've spent all that money on it. From personal experience, I used to be embarassed about working out infront of my husband. Thought he'd think I looked stupid or ugly or whatever. Took a bit of time to realize that he actually finds it quite hot.

Be super supportive. Make healthy meals for her. Insist on going for a nice walk. Go play frisbee. Play catch with your dog if you have one. Do things that make her be active and healthy and she might start noticing that she's feeling better with some movement and activities in her life. You could also buy her magazines like Women's Health or even Oxygen. Do things to infiltrate her mind with a healthy lifestyle.

4/9/11 11:56 AM
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meow mix
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I also suggest having her sign up at fitday.com or another free site that she can monitor what she eats. I've really put my head to it and I'm amazed at how it's keeping me on the straight and narrow. Also, keep all processed foods out of the house. Fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean meats are what should be available to eat. I highly suggest if she needs a sweet treat to buy the canister of Emerald dark chocoloate roasted almonds. So yummy. They also have cinnamon flavored.
4/9/11 12:00 PM
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Jeremy Fisher
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DrunkenBatman -  Hide the forks. Or buy her a big fucking dog that needs long walks. Phone Post

 She doesn't over eat.  In fact she under eats, which could be part of her problem.  She put all of her weight on during a depression phase before we met.  Reading comprehension, fren.

meow, great advice, thank you sincerely.  I pretty much just wanted reconfirmation from a woman that what I am attempting was at least on the right path.  You gave me great ideas on how to carry it down that path further.  If you or any of the other ladies can think of woman specific things I can bring up in a supportive manner, I'm all ears.
4/9/11 12:23 PM
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meow mix
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I say when she laments about wanting to lose weight, begin by gently saying to do something about. If she continues to whine, try a tougher love approach. "I need to lose weight. I'm so fat and ugly!" Answer with "Then lets clean out our cupboards and go for a walk right now." "Lets make a grocery list together." "Here, I bought you this magazine. It has some inspirational stories and some ideas on to get you started on the right track." "You keep talking about it. You're so motivated everywhere else, put some of it toward this goal. I'm here to help you."

You could also do the gym membership and also get a personal trainer for her for a couple of months. Sometimes all someone needs is a little bit of direction and a gentle push (sometimes a shove) to get going. It's almost like you feel helplessly lost and have no clue what to do to get where you want. Try signing her up for a 5k. There's a whole training thing called couch to 5k I think. It's a set goal and she'll feel really accomplished after she finishes it that it might be the kickstart she needs.
4/17/11 9:24 AM
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armbarring
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I got my gf to work out by motivating her, running with her and breaking down the science about cutting dieting for wrestling. Shes all excited and shit. lol
4/22/11 11:24 PM
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NightMaryam
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Cook healthy meals together. She can easily lose 25lbs just by changing her diet. Maybe once she sees results she'll want to work out. Phone Post
4/28/11 12:25 PM
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None So Blind
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My wife was/is carrying an extra 20 pounds from having had two kids. I don't particularly care, but she does, and she downed herself all the time for not having lost the babyweight.

Over the last 6 months she did a 3x week workout consisting of 1 day yoga, 1 day spin class, and 1 day kickboxing. Got her heart rate up, was semi-enjoyable, but her weight didn't change one iota, even though she doesn't eat much.

About a month ago I got her to FINALLY try lifting (Rippetoe's "Starting Strength" program). She'd lifted in high school when she ran track, so she was familiar with all the basic exercises like squats, bench, deadlift, etc. However, she was of course TERRIFIED that she would immediately gain 100 pounds of muscle and look like those she-male science experiment chicks on ESPN who do women's bodybuilding ;-) I actually lifted with her for the first 2 weeks, primarily to make sure her form was good but also to give TONS of moral support and reinforcement. Plus it kept her from getting hit on by the sausage-fest that any gym usually is...

The first week or so, it seemed about the same as the cardio kind of stuff she had been doing.

Second week, she seemed to like it a little more.

Third week, she was impressed at how her numbers were going up.

Fourth week (last week), she got really excited talking about how much more energy she had during the day, how she looked forward to hitting the gym so she could keep lifting heavier weights, etc., and she was most excited of all by how *in spite of* having an increased appetite and eating a lot more, she was actually down ~5 pounds, and her figure has changed enough so that she feels her clothes fitting her differently. And given how I see changes in her legs, shoulders, etc., odds are good that she's put on some muscle and has lost more fat than simple numbers show.

In the grand scheme of things, she now understands that if she loses 20 pounds of fat and gains 20 pounds of muscle, her *weight* will be unchanged - but her figure will be vastly different, her energy level will be up, her confidence will be up, and her strength will of course be up (my wife swore that at 120 lbs, she could never deadlift more than bodyweight - and yet she did 135 for 5 reps on Monday, and she's entertaining the thought of 2x BW by the end of summer - she's got the bug now). Worth it, to both of us :-)

It amazes me that so many women (including my wife, more than a month ago) would simply focus on the number on the scale and not how they looked and felt. It's sad how many women would choose a scrawny and weak 110 pounds over a nicely muscular and fit 115-120 pounds.

Tangent to that - I have a sister who just turned 48. She had never exercised in her life prior to last year, when she started Crossfit. She must have lost ~30 pounds and looks fantastic, and she is happy to tell anyone that she doesn't care what the number on the scale is anymore, only what the number is on her snatches and her deadlifts.  :-) Her success is what I think was the final straw for my wife to hit the iron...
5/3/11 4:05 PM
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meow mix
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Honestly, my scale hit 160 about a month ago. I freaked out! However, no one believes me when I tell them how much the scale was saying. I don't look it at all. I know not to putt too much stock in the scale numbers but it still doesn't make me happy even though I feel and look pretty good. I am in the process of losing 15 pounds and I'm down about four, lol. I'm trying. Running. Kickboxing. Yoga. Pilates. I've been bad in the last week because I've been eating a bit emotionally due to some added stress but I'm feeling focused again and I'll be back to the workout grind this afternoon starting with some kickboxing.

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