UnderGround Forums
 

HolyGround >> A confession of weakness


5/9/11 3:55 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
reverend john
195 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 27685
 
I am feeling pretty wrecked. It might just be some of my own mental health issues but it feels deeper. 27 years ago I met a community that lived out the love of Christ towards me. I was told the path of salvation and did what I was told. I said the sinners prayer, was baptized in water and in the spirit. I read the bible everyday cover to cover and I prayed sometimes getting up hours before work to read and pray.

I made a commitment to follow Jesus and to always be both open and honest. These commitments have lead me in a number of directions. When I was young and I met homeless teenagers I simply took them into my house and was eventually evicted. I prayed for sick people just because that's what Jesus did and occasionally saw people miraculously healed. When I read that the early church met in small groups in homes we did the same. When we learned about the primary teaching of Jesus "the kingdom of God" we sought to understand and live. As we began to learn about the idea of incarnation, power alongside of and Christian Anarchy we followed. None of this was done because it made our life easier in fact it made our life harder

And now I feel that I am basically ridiculed and attacked from all sides. The liberals don't want me because I believe in the authority of scripture the conservatives don't want me because I live so radically and believe the political nature of Jesus. The atheists think I am nuts the Christian right thinks I have sold out the normal joe shmo on the street thinks I am an idiot for living the way I do

I am having a pity party I know but it sucks sometimes my only goal my singular focus is Christ and his kingdom. Shouldn't my brothers support atleast the sentiment?

Forgive me I will feel better tomorrow or not

Rev
5/9/11 4:16 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
gord96
100 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Edited: 05/09/11 4:19 PM
Member Since: 3/26/03
Posts: 12821
sounds like you're on the right path to me. :)

if anything i wouldn't get into the theological debates on here. it exhausts me just reading them.
5/9/11 4:23 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
reverend john
195 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 27686
Oh and sometimes when I see pictures of Monica bellucci I have bad thoughts

Rev
5/9/11 4:26 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
gord96
100 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 3/26/03
Posts: 12822
who doesn't?
5/9/11 6:09 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
LoveToChoke
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 11/1/06
Posts: 986
As an atheist, seeing John lead the life he lives, and the sacrifices he makes for his beliefs, I am in awe of him. John, you represent what other Christians talk about. They talk the talk, but you walk the walk. It doesn't surprise me that it is tough for you, especially when you are attacked by your own Christian "brothers", and by kids like Pastor Josh. The certainty and arrogance of youth is tough to break through and can be very exhausting. You are very much admired though. Stay strong. Phone Post
5/9/11 6:20 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
reverend john
195 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 27694
Thank you que the next round of attacks saying I am looking for the approval of men instead of God :)

Sometimes I think I should go back underground but I can't. Glad I could inspire u in some way

Rev
5/9/11 6:32 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
gord96
100 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Edited: 05/09/11 6:39 PM
Member Since: 3/26/03
Posts: 12824
John is one of those brave enough to open up his heart to the Holy Spirit and ask....

"what will you have me do?"

And he went and did what the Spirit told him. Many don't. I think that is the struggle that many Christians (myself included) have and a big problem with the church today overall.

Props to John for doing His will!
5/9/11 6:34 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
inlikeflynn
2 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 9/11/06
Posts: 566
Rev,

For what it's worth, I've been going to evangelical churches for almost twenty years and your interpretation of the Gospel makes more sense of Scripture than anything I've heard from any of them. However, when I am confronted with the cost of that Gospel, and the courage required to follow it, sadly, I am found wanting. I suspect it is that same feeling that is the source of a great deal of the attacks on you, at least from the conservative evangelicals.
5/9/11 7:47 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Grakman
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 6/21/08
Posts: 4037
 Count me among your supporters rev. I agree wholeheartedly with the comments of LoveToChoke and gord96, and particularly inlikeflynn because I see that as wel in my own life. They've said it better than I could have said myself as I have found myself becoming increasingly agitated at the comments and attitudes of the people on the board as of late (including my own.)
5/9/11 10:12 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
DyingBreed
16 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/18/03
Posts: 13681
dont be suprised if the world hates you bro. Jesus himself said that. if one cant recognize the spirit in which you do things, that is their problem...but you are right, they shouldnt make it yours as well.


btw, mila kunis does the same for me, lol
5/9/11 10:52 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Ridgeback
24 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/3/07
Posts: 23370
 This is somewhat simplistic, but I think you are either the kind of person who loves the truth first and comfort and teams second, or you put the comfort of your own team over the support for the truth.  It isn't hard to see on the OG with political discussions.  You can tell when people have signed on for a party over the truth.  If you put the truth over being popular and well liked and acceptable to polite company you are guaranteed to walk a lonely road.  But Christ and his many Saints have walked it before you so that has to be reassuring on some level.  Most of the categories in American religion are matters of false dilemmas which is why I try to look at what has held true across generations and cultures for the Christians who came before to use as both reassurance and as a guiding compass.  Also, your dog will always love you no matter what.
5/10/11 11:21 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
reverend john
195 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 27704
Thank you everyone I get really frustrated at times for a number of reasons.

Rev
5/11/11 10:52 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Lahi
33 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 7513
Hang in there Rev, you've influenced me a lot, probably more that you know. Not sure I would be a Christian except in name if I hadn't met you on here.
5/11/11 10:57 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Lahi
33 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 7514
Discussing with you on here way back when (and Sherm too) was one of the things that helped me get up the courage to go to Revolution when I was in Atlanta. God used that group to pull my life out of pretty bad place, so thanks to you guys for that.
5/14/11 3:07 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
zealot66
20 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 11772
 I think that living a 'full life' is difficult because you are either on a ascending the mountain top or you are on your way down. Then in between the battles, you end up wandering the desert. Time goes by and you look back and feel like 'did I really make a difference ?' 

Should I continue down this road ? Does anyone hear me ? is this all for nothing ? This sure made sense when I started. Why isn't God listening ? 

I like Winston Chruchill and one of his best sayings was, If you are going through hell,....Keep going.
5/14/11 3:41 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
toelocku
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 11/5/03
Posts: 3297
what a great quote z...
5/14/11 3:58 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
reverend john
195 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 27753
yeah I was just being a drama queen thanks for the nice words everyone, they are appreciated

rev
5/14/11 4:20 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
zealot66
20 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 11773
 You arent a drama queen. Just venting. Sometimes the HG is a cathartic place and those who dont come here and start to interact make a big error. Its been a big influence on my thinking in alot of respects because as I've said, you wont ever find a place where you have diverse opinions coming together and hashing it out. Punching eachother, getting pissed then moving on to a new topic. Where in real life is that going to ever happen ? Not at church.
5/14/11 8:01 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Grakman
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 6/21/08
Posts: 4086
 I agree with zealot. I've learned a lot since I started visiting the Holyground, with special thanks to the rev and Ridgeback. 
5/14/11 8:01 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Grakman
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Edited: 05/14/11 8:02 PM
Member Since: 6/21/08
Posts: 4087
Double post. 
5/20/11 12:48 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Dan O'Connell
16 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 10/29/07
Posts: 4508
All the best.
5/20/11 1:57 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
robert bentley
112 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/1/01
Posts: 8196
I guess you could call it a form of irony, but I believe on some fundamental level you and I are seeking the same, if not very similar things.

My argument would be of course that you haven’t chosen the right talisman so to speak, and that you’re going to be led astray in your eternal quest... but then again you would say the same for me.

I think the most important part is that you haven’t (and won’t) rest on your laurels. You will be continually struggling against your own weaknesses as I struggle against mine. Life is intensely beautiful and filled with amazing people. It can be easy sometimes to focus on the incredible suffering that can occur... particularly at the hands of others... but compare where we are as a whole to where we were as a whole to any other period in history.

For one – I have been able to form a bond with another individual whom I have never met and who has views very distinct from my own... and my life is richer for having “met” you.

It’s not a pity party because you’re a human being and no human being is an island unto themselves. You give so much to your support network every now and again it’s necessary to rest and let others take the weight. I don’t mean this from a selfish point of view, I mean it from the point of view that being your friends... it is a pleasure and not a burden to offer words of support.

I am a card-carrying hedonistic atheist but I gain some comfort knowing that there are people like you around... even though you’re wrong ;)
5/20/11 7:36 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
LurkDiggler
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 4/29/11
Posts: 21
reverend john - Thank you everyone I get really frustrated at times for a number of reasons.

Rev


I too am a supporter of the Rev. Stand strong. I will always prefer to lurk than post as most time i let my emotions come through my words rather than my mind. But your posts and comments have been enlightening to me over these few months since i first discovered the holyground (never explored the otherground due too the disdain and hate the UG tends to have towards it). And i thank you for that.

I truly feel the closer you get to God the more you will feel the push and pull of the devil himself. Whether it is self doubt or people coming out against your beliefs and teachings. But i think it always gives us a new path back to God. A new way to say things, a new way to teach, a new way of thinking about the same subject. I think if you stay true to what you believe it will only grow stronger like a callous on your hand and become more difficult for these words or feelings to bother you.
5/22/11 1:11 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Grakman
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 6/21/08
Posts: 4158
 It is always the man in the arena who attracts the greatest criticism. 
5/22/11 5:19 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Cuhulain
5 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 12/8/02
Posts: 229
stay true to your own conviction's,ignore the hater's,blaze your own path if need be.

Reply Post

You must log in to post a reply. Click here to login.