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Pro Wrestling Ground >> PWE HECK IN THE CAGE RESULTS


10/3/11 1:09 AM
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TrickyG
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PWE Heck in the Cage, 10/2

-"Yes fine gentlemen, we promised you an okay main event...." the PWE hype video plays as we welcome you to HECK IN THE CAGE.

-We open up like PPVs used to in the good ole days, with a title match between good hands. It is the man who won the Intercontinental Championship (in the mythical tournament in Rio de Janeiro that nobody but Pat Patterson, Steve Lombardi, and a group of cabana boys saw), Radio Raheem, defending against the man that won the #1 contender's battle royal on Raw, WaltJ. The match was a solid opener, as a good booker would want, and it ends with WaltJ attempting to use the exposed turnbuckle on Raheem (hey, breaking out the old school heel tactics right out of the gate), but Raheem puts on the brakes, slams Walt headfirst, and nails him with the Ghetto Blaster for the pin. Raheem still the IC Champ.

-Backstage segment showing all the powers that be in the PWE are in the house, the Chairman of the Board, Kirik McMahon, President Jason Tunney, Smackdown GM Freddy Strong, random person that sometimes has power depending on what angle is going on Vickie101, and former Raw GM the broken down Reagan-era Commodore 64. During this backstage segment, it becomes very apparent that Kirik is perturbed by something, and calls Tunney to join him for a meeting about an unidentified PWE superstar. We are apparently left in the capable hands of Strong, Vickie and Commie the rest of the night.

-In a special unannounced six-man match where we throw some other roster guys to give them a PPV payday (hey some of these guys need to make payments on their cars) the team of bruddahoodaman, Chuck@NY and Festus defeat the team of Wiggy, RyannVonDoom and The Lorax. The finish comes with brudda hitting Lorax with a Clothesline From Heck for the pin.

-A PWE promo is shown highlighting the Hollywood success of former PWE Champion, and star of current smash success "Easter Bunny Inc.", Squared Circle. SC will be returning to PWE soon, in a revolutionary gimmick nobody has ever done before - as a GUEST HOST on PWE Raw!

-Highlights are shown of last Monday night's aforementioned battle royal won by WaltJ as the final two men eliminated were Beezulbubba and Hunter V. V was eliminated by Beez, and V, in typical battle royal pouty heel fashion, dragged Beez out giving the underhanded win to Walt. This leads to:

-Beezulbubba takes on Hunter V in our next match, and the longtime veteran Beezul gets a big victory over V with the Bubba Bomb. I had a hard time not giving Hunter V the Big Daddy V gimmick during the write-up of this match.

-Backstage we see TrickyG handing a note to Vickie101. "As you can see, Vickie, my doctor thinks it would just be a bad idea for me to compete tonight, what with the listeria scare and everything, I think some of Cara's relations must still be running catering. I had some of that cantaloupe during the last loop. As much as I would like to destroy that freak Slapnutz once and for all, I think for the betterment of the company, since I am such a company guy, I don't wanna get anyone else sick." Vickie's response: "I am glad you are responsible, Tricky, and I am also glad that you have the foresight to keep the fourth wall in tact while still informing everyone of what this note says, when in a real life situation, the person would just read it and be done with it, yet you did it in a pretty tactful way to get your point across without insulting the audience. Kudos to you, I am releasing you from having to compete tonight."

-This backstage segment kills some time as the OMINOUS MUSIC OF DOOM starts playing and yes, the chicken fence starts lowering - it is time for HECK IN THE CAGE. The first of tonight's two HITC matches is about to take place, of course while this match is promoted as the semi-main event, even we at PWE know that smart booking would have the two HITC matches be broken up a bit in the card. We get highlights of the feud that has been going on for a while comes to a head. It will be the US-TV Champion, Triple J, defending against his #1 contender, Sofa King Cool. We get a highlights package showcasing their two previous singles matches, plus the tag team tournament loss they had as a team, and the brawls they've had since.

-In the first HITC match, US-TV Champion Triple J fights Sofa King Cool to........... A TIME LIMIT DRAW! Wow, a lot of buildup for that.......

-"Hold up hold up hold up now playas. It may not be Friday night, but it is still the weekend, and I am still holding the book for this feud. Now, playas, you two are about as equal as two guys can be in the ring, and we are old school and adhere to the old school TV time limits, especially where the US-TV Title is concerned, but come on now playas, we are lucky to get any of the buyrates we do get, we can't go with the draw unless it's to further our story, and I don't think this story can be furthered by a draw, playas. So what we gon' do, is add 5 more minutes to this match, and we gon' have a finish. Someone's winning baby. Holla!"

-Five more minutes elapse, and still no winner between Triple J and SKC.

-"Well shit. I wasn't expecting that, usually when we give the 5 minutes mandate, the match finishes in that 5 minutes. Okay, let's just say, one fall, to a finish!"

-The match continues, and a great back and forth affair finishes, as Triple J, who's controlled the majority of the match, sets up for the finish, and out of nowhere, Sofa King Cool catches him in the move named for the UG on mma.tv, the small package, and caught a quick pin, ending the longest title reign in PWE history! Sofa King Cool is the new US-TV Champ and he walks up the ramp holding the belt as Triple J just stares him down from the ring.

-As the chicken cage is being raised back from the ring, we go backstage where the new US-TV Champ Sofa King Cool is being mobbed by some 10ers and 11ers hoping to get their mugs on TV, but it's a nice touch to make a new champ feel special. That is until SKC said "Who the hell are you guys? They didn't actually pay you guys to do this scene did they? Where are the real stars?!" Ice cold, SKC!

-Back in the ring, we have TrickyG who has already made it to the ring, and is apologizing to the crowd for not being able to make his match with Slapnutz tonight due to the bad food at catering. He is out a payday, and he is out insurance money because the PWE absolutely refuses to unionize, and that was one of the causes that the legendary gangsta101 was trying to get done, rest his soul. (TrickyG is not above scoring cheap points from Vickie101 by invoking the late great gangsta101 in his promos.) Without further ado, I give to you my replacement for tonight's match. The man that is so bad, the PWE didn't even send him to developmental to learn PWE style because they are afraid of him. The man who crushed Japanese like he was Godzilla and the man that's gonna end Slapnutz once and for all - it's Dos Huevos Gigantes!

CONTINUED IN NEXT POST
10/3/11 1:10 AM
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TrickyG
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-TrickyG has his perpetual stupid grin on his face as nobody comes out. The grin turns to confusion, and at this point, we have President Jason Tunney making an appearance. "TrickyG, I have bad news for you. Kirik McMahon and I have been meeting about that very man you are talking about, Dos Huevos Gigantes, and, well, unfortunately, we had to wish him well in his future endeavors earlier. (You can read about that elsewhere on the PWF.) I am sorry to say, TrickyG, that you are on your own tonight. Your match will go on as scheduled. You might want to turn around."

-TrickyG turns around, and doing what he does best, is Slapnutz, lingering and lurking around and not being seen, until it's too late. A chokeslam and a three count later, Slapnutz is victorious and leaves as quickly as he came in.

-Up next we show the brackets and all the highlights of the tag team tournament, as we realized, um, maybe just a tad late, that our former Tag Team Champions were NEITHER even in PWE anymore. Great work, PWE legal team! So yeah, new champs tonight!

-The final of the tournament for the Tag Team Championships sees a couple teams filled with up and comers, The Chode Warriors of Zenoplata and Sushi Thunderballs taking on FOG of Moneyweight and RML. Both teams have had impressive victories to make it this far, but only one team will take the belts home. It is an even-steven affair when, Sushi and Zeno look to be nearing victory, manager Go On And Walk It Out, who's taken a serious interest in FOG lately, comes out with another envelope, handing it to Moneyweight in the ring. MW opens it up and it is..... well, this is the PWE.... a crushed up white, grainy substance. MW turns around and takes this substance and blows it towards the eyes of Sushi Thunderballs, who ducks! However, the typical heel f-up doesn't happen as RML is wise to it and also ducks, so the powder hits the other Chode Warrior, Zenoplata, in the eyes after the first two guys duck. In typical well-meaning babyface fashion, Sushi Thunderballs elects to go after the manager, Go On, and beats the hell out of him, but while this is going on, RML and MW hit the DDT/RKO combo on Zeno and score the pin. FOG are the new PWE Tag Team Champs, but they haven't seen the last of the Chode Warriors!

-Highlights of the "Filthy" Tom Lawlor-Dangerboy12 feud are now shown, with lots of grappling innuendo, and pro wrestling bravado shown, respectively. We now go to the ring for the next-to-last match of the evening!

-"Filthy" Tom Lawlor and Dangerboy12 lock up in a TNA-esque best of three falls match in which each fall has a different rule. Per Lawlor's request, they bob for apples to determine the type of bout each fall will be.

-Db12 wins a coin toss and gets first, uh, bob. And he draws - a grappling match! Fall one is a grappling match which ends on points and Lawlor gets the win. Hey, I'd be more specific but this is a pro wrestling show, our audience isn't interested in those details. Lawlor, victorious, gets the second bob and it's.... okay, a straight up pro wrestling match. They go at it for about ten minutes and the match finishes when Lawlor goes to full guard from his back, and Db12, the seasoned professional wrestling veteran he is, just leans forward, putting weight on Lawlor's shoulders and scores the fall. We're tied 1-1, going to the final fall! Db12, as winner of this fall, gets to bob one more time and he draws....... well, looky here, what a coincidence..... he draws a HECK IN THE CAGE match, here at HECK IN THE CAGE!

-The third and deciding fall is decided within the confines of HECK ON EARTH, and the hotly contested match finishes with Lawlor catching Db12 with his rear nake -- uh, SLEEPERHOLD, and Dangerboy is out. Tom Lawlor wins the fall and match. He celebrates by going to leap on top of the cage to celebrate near his corner and cutman, except THIS IS HECK IN THE CAGE, NOT ONE OF THOSE MIDGET PLAY-CAGES, and Lawlor just bursts through because we're using cheap chicken fencing. Don't worry, we'll get it patched up while we show.....

-Highlights of the World Title situation, including Grizz winning the belt from former champion DSaint, how Nuckin Futs and TToMyJ have risen to co-#1 contenders status, and all the brawls that have happened in recent weeks. The cage is repaired and we move on to tonight's main event:

-It's HECK IN THE CAGE, where it's ALL HECK ON EARTH, as PWE World Champion Grizz defends against Nuckin Futs and TToMyJ14 in a triple threat HITC match WHICH HAS NEVER EVER HAPPENED BEFORE. It's a very violent match, and our guys are old school so you know we've got triple color in it, blood all around. The match finishes when Futs nails Grizz with Nuck-cracker Suite, and is gearing up for the pin but a previously incapacitated Tto pulls Futs to the outside and rams him into the cage. TTo climbs in the ring and goes for cheap pin on Grizz but Grizz traps him into something he undoubtedly learned from one of his awesome ROH tapes, a cattle mutilation submission. TToMyJ fights as long as he can but has no option but to submit as Grizz retains the World Title in our main event.

-Grizz is celebrating in the ring as the cage raises, and Nuckin Futs recovers and comes back in the ring. Just then, also in a very new angle that's NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, the cage lowers again! the cage is back down, and Nuckin Futs is beating the hell out of the exhausted World Champion and TToMyJ as we fade black and end our PPV. Who lowered the cage?!?!?!

-wrestlingobserver.com
10/3/11 1:25 AM
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RML
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I read this on my iPhone to avoid seeing spoilers further down the page. Excellent and voted up!! Phone Post
10/3/11 1:31 AM
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RML
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Edited: 10/03/11 1:32 AM
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 Line of the night..

"Hold up hold up hold up now playas. It may not be Friday night, but it is still the weekend"

==============================================================================

RML was heard back stage saying if the Chode Warriors want a rematch they'll first have to lick his Thunderballs!
  
10/3/11 1:46 AM
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Dos Huevos Gigante
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Edited: 10/03/11 1:55 AM
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Via Twitter:

@PWEheckinacage We all know I wasn't released for my wellness policy violations. I put asses in seats, and when I WRESTLE (intentional use of word) there ain't a dry seat in the house. I got cut because the brass saw me as a threat to their golden boy, Slapnutz.

Via Twitter:

@PWEheckinacage

They DESPERATELY want Slapnutz to wear the strap, but I dominated him in our Best Of Seven Series last Shocktoberfestenhauzen.

He don't match up, but he moves merch.

Via Twitter:

@PWEheckinacage

Releasing me frees up Slapnutz to destroy an injured TrickyG and allows PWE RAW to attain a TVPG rating. This sets Ol' Slappy up as number one contender to take on Grizz. I like my wrestling like I like my hookers. Mature.

Via Twitter:

@PWEheckinacage

You can see me on October 14th wrestling (THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN) at the Buffalo County Fairgrounds in Kearney, Nebraska.
10/3/11 4:15 AM
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Moneyweight
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 Go On and Walk It Out was kept overnight at the hospital for a few test following the cowardly attack from Sushi Thunderballs.

Moneyweight was quoted on saying "Everything is alright, he has the proper medicine, and that is GOLD."

10/3/11 6:37 AM
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Tom Lawlor
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Hard work pays off Dangerboy12. Get your ass in the gym. Phone Post
10/3/11 11:03 AM
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Nuckin Futs
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I still haven't been beating for the world title.
10/3/11 1:37 PM
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shootfightermike
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 conspiracy im no longer in the fed
10/3/11 1:49 PM
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Nuckin Futs
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shootfightermike -  conspiracy im no longer in the fed


You haven't been reading the recaps. They are playing vignettes of your return.

I'm waiting with bated breath the moment you stumbled through the curtains with a Ewok mask on.
10/3/11 2:11 PM
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McCorklemyHero
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 I have filed a protest regarding my match, the time limit draw is one of my specialties and Freddy Strong had zero right to get involved as it was not Friday night.
10/3/11 3:01 PM
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shootfightermike
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Nuckin Futs - 
shootfightermike -  conspiracy im no longer in the fed


You haven't been reading the recaps. They are playing vignettes of your return.

I'm waiting with bated breath the moment you stumbled through the curtains with a Ewok mask on.
yes!
*goes to find ewok mask*
 
10/3/11 3:11 PM
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ArtWanderlei
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 VOTED UP!!!!
10/3/11 5:10 PM
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dangerboy12
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I was clearly better than Lawlor but the matches were in his favor.
10/3/11 7:14 PM
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dangerboy12
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for the record i am not interested in lawlor anymore. i proved i was the better technical wrestler and he could only beat me when rope escapes weren't allowed, so i have no interest in matching up with him unless he has gold around his waist.

I truly feel i should be in line for a chance to have a match that could lead to a number one contenders match.
10/3/11 8:25 PM
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Sofa King Cool
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McCorklemyHero -  I have filed a protest regarding my match, the time limit draw is one of my specialties and Freddy Strong had zero right to get involved as it was not Friday night.
That's a TV time limit, this was a PPV. Teddy Long has ever right to make that call.

We are now 1-1-1. One win, one loss, and one draw. This belt ain't going nowhere. Phone Post
10/3/11 10:20 PM
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Radio Raheem
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As always, voted up! Phone Post
10/3/11 10:41 PM
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Barry_BondsMVP
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can some fill in a noob what PWE is, like a fantasy match ups you guys do with each other?
10/3/11 10:42 PM
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RML
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Barry_BondsMVP - can some fill in a noob what PWE is, like a fantasy match ups you guys do with each other?

 Yeah you were in it


-As the chicken cage is being raised back from the ring, we go backstage where the new US-TV Champ Sofa King Cool is being mobbed by some 10ers and 11ers hoping to get their mugs on TV, but it's a nice touch to make a new champ feel special. That is until SKC said "Who the hell are you guys? They didn't actually pay you guys to do this scene did they? Where are the real stars?!" Ice cold, SKC!
10/3/11 10:44 PM
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Barry_BondsMVP
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fuck yea, so I'm part of the Nexteners?
1/30/13 4:41 PM
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Winky is Wright
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ttt for the legent TrickyG 

How did that cat only end up with a +22? 

1/30/13 6:19 PM
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shootfightermike
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me like thread like ryback!

me funny no?

1/30/13 6:22 PM
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Nuckin Futs
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TrickyG was the man
1/30/13 7:32 PM
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Sofa King Cool
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Man, that was awesome.

Who is down for a PWE Wrestlemania? Phone Post
1/30/13 7:38 PM
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RML
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"RML and MW hit the DDT/RKO combo on Zeno and score the pin. FOG are the new PWE Tag Team Champs,"


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