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What if ... >> Occupy What If forum


1/21/12 1:06 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Jupes: I'm currently avoiding some clumsy helicopter espionage. Not THEE optimal Friday night but it's something. What's for Christmas anyway?

Pupa: I'm getting some new sentences. I peeked at one:

"Drosy octopus Hitler broadcasting antelope brainwaves."

Fuckin' NICE.
1/21/12 1:10 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Chocolate wooden mustard coconut powdered meat carrot jew popcorn on the cobb cake with a tall black candle stuck in it.

*cut to Pat Smith*

"Eat the whole thing and you'll be starting to like Satan juuuust a little bit."

"For dinner, y'all'll be served a giant plate of chopped up frog balls with a side of New Yalk mechanical dandelions."

*cut to Matt Serra*

"NOICE!"
1/21/12 1:24 AM
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1ChromosomeTooMany
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Please stop. Face tearing. Like "tarring" not "teering" Phone Post
1/21/12 1:25 AM
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1ChromosomeTooMany
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Ugh TAREING.

TARE. Phone Post
1/21/12 1:25 AM
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1ChromosomeTooMany
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FACE TARE-ING Phone Post
1/21/12 1:28 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Back to the nature thing...snow horseshoes? Like big tennis rackets you can stick on their hoovez? Help those muthafuckaz trudge thru the frozen ass northern heapz yo
1/21/12 1:30 AM
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unfilter
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Edited: 01/21/12 1:31 AM
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 reading wooden pupa is like eating a word salad WITH A SIDE OF SECRET SAUCE!


 
1/21/12 1:37 AM
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WoodenPupa
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SUp Jupes?

Hey, let me get off my Ferris Wheel chair and show you this other cool invention. It's called a Discrete Merry-go-square. It's basically a merry-go-round, except square, and it doesn't move continuously but in discrete 1/4th rotational jerks. You have a gentle setting for playgrounds and an aggression switch for places like Mickey Gilley's.

Idea is to protest the tyranny of mechanical bulls in the honky tonk clubs as well as the domination of standard playground equipment. Both places are known UG mod hangouts.

*gestures towards whirring mechanickal machine*
1/21/12 1:39 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Be careful Unfilter, or you might get de-rezzed...
1/21/12 1:40 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Gift ideas for new Occupation members:

Batmantelope cape and antler set, bequeathed by Occupational Televangelope wearing cape and sceptre
1/21/12 1:45 AM
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WoodenPupa
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More gift ideaz...

Cordless jumprope

solar powered windmill GPS--olde style dutche windmill which, when exposed to the sun, will display its own GPS coordinates in HUGE 70's Hasbro Lite-Brite font

universal handcrank adapter--power up anything by sticking this suction-cup-anchored old school crank

1/21/12 1:47 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Boneless food computer---self explanatory

Replacement cubic acre of perfectly vacuumed cold black space---perfect for the avoidance of the negation of negation
1/21/12 1:57 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Gorgeous leather photon-holster

Hee Haw Racist Negro Sceptre

Giant ass shit-fucked mannequin, all crying and shit

Dolphin insult dictionary

Portable urban-legend generator, MMA edition

40 gallon velvet trash can (choice of 4 colors)

Solid ham sweating grandfather clock

Boneless wristwatch phonebooth legwarmer (this is a little phonebooth with a built-in clock that you can wear as a wristwatch which ALSO can be used as a legwarmer because its fluffy like a pom pom and made out of exotic stretchy alloy)

Sleeveless denim turtleneck bellbottom snowsuit survival jacket with cute little footsocks

Solid velvet Kevin Bacon statue, with Hollow option for stuffing treats or guns inside

Computerific Spock vagina with logical sideburns pulsating lilac scents and provoking imaginary memories while the sweet plucking lyre sounds of Bitter Dregs loops from the depths



1/21/12 2:02 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Would it be easy to romo that War Games screenshot I wonder, with some speech from our lovely forum?
1/21/12 2:02 AM
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WoodenPupa
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My fingers are like pitchforks and when I type lightning sparks the sky and the tortured silhouette of Sir Ronald James Dio flashes upon yonder hill
1/21/12 2:04 AM
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WoodenPupa
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I think I just mashed war games with tron back there.
1/21/12 2:28 AM
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unfilter
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TiVo XTREME

...TV was just the first step.

Returning home from your exciting 21st Century job (Clinical Remedial Philosophy) you enter the airlock of your sub-orbital apartment pod. You remove your disposable Mr. Atmosphere space-suit and place it into the ejecterator. You sink deeply and relaxingly into your transparent Ikea Gel Cube. It transfers a delicate blend of sustaining nutrients and intoxicating intoxicants via your skin pores, cleaning them at the same time.

Mmm. Feels good.

-Q: What's on TV?
-A: You are.

The TiVo XTREME Seeker Cable descends from the ceiling plunging downward swiftly, penetrating the Ikea Gel Cube and your medulla oblongata in one surgically precise maneuver.

Let the Remembering begin.

TiVo XTREME
uses non-removable hard-disk storage, and contains sophisticated quantum software to record memories—not only those the user specifically requests, but also other material the user is likely to be interested in. Additionally, memories being watched "live" can be paused or "rewound" to repeat a sequence just watched. Just make sure to wear the TiVo Recording Collar (available colors: classic black, heather gray, buff and eggshell).

Purchase our Linking Cable for an addition 40 DoubleDollars and swap memories with your friends!!!

TiVo XTREME, why live it once?
1/21/12 2:44 AM
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WoodenPupa
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I'll TAKE one.

Wait...I seem to...have this memory of already buying this from you...what the...I need to sit down I think...

*sniffs buff leather*
1/21/12 3:00 AM
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WoodenPupa
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Actually that's a kick ass sales pitch...LOL.

If we all buy one the script of Fight Club II spontaneously writes itself.

Do you take eco-friendly wooden credit cards?
1/21/12 3:01 AM
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WoodenPupa
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If you need credit references I'm pals with shootfighter mike. I trust you know how rare his friendship is.
1/21/12 3:29 AM
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unfilter
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 i could give you a good deal; made these back in '05 and demand never really caught up with supply.  got a half dozen of 'em on blocks in my front yard next to an '86 pontiac 6000 and a plymouth k-car.




1/22/12 4:16 AM
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unfilter
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They frown on this, they frown on that. It is frowned upon.

Muslims frown on it. Buddhists frown on it. Christians, Sikhs, Jains and Jews all frown on it. Convicted felons, their sensitivities dulled by years of street narcotics and hard violence frown on it. Philosophy majors with third eyes brilliant as streetlights and minds wide open as the African Savannah frown on it.

Unknown poets and famous authors pen pamphlets and haikus condemning it in strong language and fearful polysyllabics. They make movies based on novels based on plays that are written about its inherent peril for middle, upper and lower America. Mournful songs in minor chords are prepared, written, and locked in boxes and buried deep beneath the earths mantle.

They frown on it.

At the mere mention of it, people who used to be in charge walk around wall-eyed babbling while their hearts buck like shotguns and try too flee their chests like a dog jumps out of a bathtub.

It’s a sin, an indiscretion, a peccadillo, a fault, a flaw, a drawback, a shortcoming a weakness, a crime against. It’s making a mountain out of a molehill; it’s an unforgivable floccinaucinihilipilification.

It simply isn’t done.

It’s an oversight, a lapse in judgement, a crime punishable by the laws of God, man and animal.
It’s onerous, unforgivable, forgivable, unseemly, unwholesome, unsavory.

It’s a scandal, controversy, conflict, a lie or truth to terrible to be told.

It’s like skidmarks in a pair of tighty-whiteys, coffee on your tie, food in your beard.

It’s Hitler’s armpit.

It’s the product of a pinwheeling moral compass, drug addiction, dysfunctional childhood, genetics. It’s indicative of the waning attention span of modern youth, it’s evidence of the cultural irrelevance of the old.
It’s just plain rude.

Chances are, you’ve done it.
1/22/12 6:39 PM
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WoodenPupa
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What part of Badass are you from again?
1/22/12 6:39 PM
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WoodenPupa
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What part of Badass are you from again?
1/22/12 10:09 PM
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lookoutawhale
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What If... Occupation - Day 13



ding! click...click...click

ding! click...click...click

ding! click...click...click

*whistle*


http://i40.tinypic.com/35imwy8.jpg


The What If clock tower strikes nothing in particular. Showcasing a delicate display of figure skating artistry a full 360 is performed by the clock hands arriving back to the same time terminal from where they first departed. The onlookers are treated to a carousal ballet that complemens the bezel. Why? because this sub forum transcends all space and time. A devine ship, omnipotent yet just. Leading its users to the promise land of posting. An area of the cyber world where time is free to stand still.

A place where clocks go to retire after turning 65. Where grandfather clocks can reunite with grandmother clocks from furlough. A marraige that could not co-exist in the presence of people overworking him. His 10 inch pendulum swinging from side to side like the alpha he is with no rest because time selfishly stops for no one. His return home to the what if is prompted by a simple request that his wife suck his clock. She refuses because she isnt that type of time piece.  Shes classy, shes conservative, shes a republican.

Things have changed. Years ago when father time left his bride she resumed safe harbour in the what if. Still pure. still elegant. Nieve to the world outside of it. Their relationship now a complicated anochronism. His pendulum hard as ever, but a once illuminating gold sheen reduced to a silvery chrome. looking aged, looking old. A once proud clock now flaccid to the old ways.. Past crimes of pendulum lust and physical attraction left in the tracks of time, now 2 clocks telling 2 different times. One static, the other dynamic. One aging, one in pristine condition. One telling Pacific Standar time, the other telling no time. A process of the elements

Questions arise to then why we even have a clock tower if it tells no time.. but that debate is for another time.

Posts have no date or hour stamps in the What If. Which in turn gives allows for the likeliness that the entry you are viewing now was written before you read it, or perhaps the real possibility it was written after you read it. Ponder that. Similar to the amount of time it takes light to travel to earth, we are viewing a night sky that once was many years ago. We are reading posts that were created before we were born, or written after we have logged out.

This is a utopian society created by the people for the people. There is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow. There is only today. Let me ask you when you read the opening line of this post again, is it truly Day 13 of Occupy What If or is simply an elongated Day 1?


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