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2/28/12 4:43 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Basic Weapons For Kids

Posted at: 2009-06-27 18:00:50

Original ad: summer nanny/babysitter needed!! must watch and entertain kids during the summer. there are ten kids, ages 7 to 9. preferrably looking for a school teacher off for the summer to teach the kids and provide fun activities.

From Mike Partlow to ***********@**********.org

Hello,

I am Staff Sgt. Mike Partlow and I am on a six month leave. I have nothing to do back in the states, and watching your kids sounds like fun. I love kids. I have plenty of activities for them and assure you they will always be kept busy. Let me know if you are interested and we can discuss pay.

Thanks,

SSG Partlow

From Donna ******** to Me

Mr. Partlow,

Thanks for responding! I am interested. Do you have any previous experience with kids? What kind of activities would you do? I am looking for something fun and eductational, and some sports for the boys.

-Donna

From Mike Partlow to Donna **********

Donna,

I have lots of experience with kids from my time in the Middle East. I can teach my expertise to your kids through fun games and activities. I can teach them basic weapons training, close quarters combat, explosive ordinance disposal, and hand-to-hand combat. They will have a blast! I will provide the firearms but I would prefer if you pay for the ammunition. I can make the activities fun and educational. Kids really seem to enjoy basic weapons training when you put it in terms they can understand, for example, I used to teach the Middle Eastern kids how to accurately fire an M203 by a modified version of "pin the tail on the donkey." Instead of a tail, it was a 40mm grenade, and instead of "pinning" it, they fired it from a safe distance. I assure you that safety is my number one concern with the kids, but also, them having fun is my top priority.

SSG Partlow

From Donna ******** to Me

Is this a joke? You realize these kids are mostly 7 years old, right?

From Mike Partlow to Donna **********

Donna,

It is never too early to teach your children these basic life skills. I am aware that they are young and will adjust my program accordingly. We will be mostly using the 5.56mm M16A2, which is a great weapon for children. It is gas operated, so the recoil is minimal, making it a perfect gun for children to use. So what were you thinking as far as pay goes? I don't mean to cut to the chase, but I really need a job. SSG Partlow

From Donna ******** to Me

This is absurd. I really hope you aren't serious.

I am not interested. Thanks.

From Mike Partlow to Donna **********

Donna,

I am sorry that you are not interested. You may regret this if your child is ever put in a close quarters combat situation, and doesn't even know how to pop a magazine in his rifle.

If you change your mind and decide you want your kids to grow up to be men, not pussies, let me know.

SSG Partlow Phone Post
2/28/12 4:45 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Escalade Bodyguard

Posted at: 2009-06-24 08:14:22

Original ad: 2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.

From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org

Hey,

I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.

Please help me out!

Mike

From James ******* to Me

Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!

From Mike Partlow to James ********

James,

I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard?You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.

Please reconsider my offer.

Mike

From James ******** to Me

No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.

From Mike Partlow to James *********

Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.

Mike

From James ******** to Me

Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.

From Mike Partlow to James *********

Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:16 AM
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FlyingTriangle
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Amazing... Amazing.... =)
2/28/12 6:42 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Hybrids Suck

Posted at: 2009-06-23 09:18:12

Original ad: if anyone wants a ride from baltimore to nyc tomorow let me know! i am driving up there sometime tomorow afternoon and would be glad to help someone out if they want to throw up some money for gas. i drive a hybrid, so i wont need much!

From Mike Partlow to *************@*********.org

Hello,

I do need a ride to New York tomorrow. That would be great. My only concern is the fact that you drive a hybrid car. I don't want to give people the idea that I care about the environment. Do you have another, more manly car that we could ride up in? I really don't want to be seen in a hybrid. I'll gladly compensate you for gas.

Mike

From christine ********* to Me

no all i have is my hybrid. what is the big deal, who cares what people think? u should be glad to help the enviroment!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********

I'm sorry Christine but it isn't the 60's anymore. People aren't a bunch of earth-saving hippies that run around and hug trees anymore. Does your car have tinted windows? I really don't want to be seen riding in that bitch-mobile. My only request is that you stop by a lake somewhere so I can dump a can of motor oil in it, to make up for all of the earth that your car will be saving. Don't worry, I'll pay for the motor oil.

Mike

From christine ********* to Me

wtf is wrong with u! im not giving u a ride ur a jerk!!!

From Mike Partlow to christine **********

Well I am sorry you won't have the privilege of riding with me. Fortunately for me, I found a better, more badass ride to NYC. I'll be sure to wave at your crappy little hybrid as we pass you in our F-350, spraying cans of aerosol out the window and throwing empty six-pack holders into the sea.

Mike Phone Post
2/28/12 7:02 AM
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robert bentley
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for later hilarity
2/28/12 7:04 AM
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JKDude
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TTt Phone Post
2/28/12 7:17 AM
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uniquetechnique
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Subd
Someone buy this man a blue, he needs to be able to post more often...with pics
2/28/12 9:11 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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uniquetechnique - Subd
Someone buy this man a blue, he needs to be able to post more often...with pics
How did she know?!

Posted at: 2009-06-21 13:36:08

Somehow this woman knew exactly what I was trying to do.

Original ad: litter of 5 kittens. two orange, two black, one mixed-grey. all are three weeks old and looking for a good home!

From Yin Chang to *********@***********.org

hello

i buy all kitten you have. how much?

- yin chang

From ************@hotmail.com to Me

Sorry. These kittens are not being sold for food. Phone Post
2/28/12 9:16 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Father & Son

Posted at: 2009-06-16 12:15:57

Original ad: i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

Hey there!

I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:

- The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours. - Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album. - The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em. - The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna. - Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything. - There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor. - There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though. - I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.

Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.

I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.

Thanks,

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?

From Mike Anderson to joey ******** Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron. Phone Post
2/28/12 9:19 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Fat Bitch Won't Ride the Bus

Posted at: 2009-06-15 17:08:40

Original ad: im looking for ride from the philadelphia area to pittsburgh next friday. i will split the cost of gas with you. I am female, and would prefer to ride with another female or young(21-ish) person.

From Mike Anderson to ************@*********.org

Hey! I am going to Pittsburgh and can give you a ride. Can you meet me at 30th St. Station 11 AM on Friday? By the way, I'm 21, so you don't have to worry about riding with some old creeper. Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me hey mike! that sounds good. how much do you want for gas? let me get your number so we can work out the details

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Melanie,

I was thinking around $70 should cover it. Unfortunately I do not have a cell phone because I accidentally forgot to take my pants off when I was taking a bath last night and forgot my cell phone was in the pocket. It won't turn on! Could you just stand outside of the west entrance with a sign that says "I'm Melanie" ? I'll look for you.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me wow i wasnt expecting to pay $70! why so much? i was thinking more around 30-35 bucks! also im not standing out there with a sign lol.

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Melanie, I'm sorry but the price is not negotiable. Unfortunately the cheapest bus ticket is $70. Do you want to just meet me on the bus if you don't want to stand out there with a sign?

From Melanie ******** to Me what?! i didnt want to ride a bus! i thought you were driving a car to pittsburgh. wtf dude

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Well shit Melanie, I didn't think you would be so picky about what kind of vehicle you wanted to ride in. If price is an issue, I can sneak you on the bus. I've done it before with my son. I have a duffel bag that is pretty big, and you can just hide inside it and not move and they will load you under the bus. I'll make sure that they put you on top of all the other luggage so you aren't crushed. You can have my video ipod to stay entertained during the bus ride. It has the first season of Deadwood on it. You aren't fat, are you? I don't want the bag to rip from underneath when they lift it up.

Mike

From Melanie ******** to Me are you fucking with me? this has to be a joke. there is no fucking way im doing that

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Oh, you aren't a Deadwood fan? I think I have the Ben Affleck hit "Gigli" on my iPod if you wanted to watch that instead.

From Melanie ******** to Me NO! IM NOT SNEAKING ON TO THE FUCKING BUS IN A GODDAMN SUITCASE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Okay, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your weight. If you can't fit in the duffel bag that's fine. I just went and ordered you the bus ticket. It is pretty much first-come first-serve for seating on the bus. You can sit next to me if you want, but I want the window seat. I also have to get up a lot to pee so you will have to get up so I can squeeze out.

From Melanie ******** to Me IM NOT RIDING THE BUS! I'LL FIND ANOTHER RIDE

From Mike Anderson to Melanie ******** Well you owe me $70 for the ticket! I can't return it!

From Melanie ******** to Me I NEVER SAID TO BUY IT! THAT IS YOUR FAULT DUDE GOODBYE Phone Post
2/28/12 9:37 AM
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DeuceDroppin
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4l8r Phone Post
2/28/12 9:44 AM
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NotoriouslyBIG
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TTT Phone Post
2/28/12 9:49 AM
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jct71
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in
2/28/12 11:12 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Pube Stylists

Posted at: 2009-06-15 00:11:52

Original ad: WE PAY TO CUT YOUR HAIR! We are a hair styling school that is looking for volunteers to get their hair styled/dyed by our students. We will pay you up to $50. Preferably women/girls

From Mike Anderson to *********@*********.org

Hey! I saw your ad saying you will pay cash to cut my hair! Well I just got my head shaved, but I haven't trimmed my pubes in about five months. They are pretty gnarly, and I jammed my beard trimmer trying to cut them earlier. How much would you pay me to trim my pubes?

Mike

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

Mike,

Sorry but we do not trim pubic hair. This is more of a hair dying and styling place.

Thanks!

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

That works for me too. My pubes are very curly, but I've always wanted to get them straightened. Would you be able to do that? Maybe you could put some highlights in, and just shape up my split ends. Also, do you have some kind of conditioner that would take care of my crabs problem? My prescription ointment doesn't really do the job.

Where are you located? I am free all day tomorrow.

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

Mike we work on HEADS ONLY. SORRY.

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

Here's what I am willing to do. You style my pubes, and I'll accept $40 cash instead of $50. You can even donate my pubes to those people with cancer who need hair, if you want.

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

NO. That is disgusting. Leave us alone! Phone Post
2/28/12 11:14 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Cemented Couch

Posted at: 2009-06-12 01:49:33

Original ad: FREE COUCH! i have a free plaid couch on the curb outside my house. the address is 39 ******* rd come and get it!

From Mike Anderson to **********@*******.org

Hey. I am tired of driving down ******* and seeing your ugly couch. It is ruining the neighborhood. What the hell were you thinking when you bought that?Nobody is going to want that thing! It better not be there when I drive past tomorrow.

From ************@gmail.com to Me

if you dont like it why dont u come and fuckin get it. tough shit if u dont like seeing it. its only been out there 1 day!

From Mike Anderson to ************@gmail.com

One day too many. I don't want your shitty couch. Maybe I would if I was a Scottish guy living in the 70's, but I'm not. That couch looks like what would happen if a parrot and a rhino fucked and had a freak baby, and then that baby grew up and then took a shit on your curb. Why don't you pay someone to haul that piece of shit away?

From ************@gmail.com to Me

fuck you buddy! tough shit. drive a different way

From Mike Anderson to ************@gmail.com

I like going that way because it is scenic. Well, at least it was until you put that pile of shit out there. If it is stil there tomorrow, I am going to come back during the night and cement it to your driveway.

From ************@gmail.com to Me

COME AND TRY IT MOTHERFUCKER ILL BE WAITING Phone Post
2/28/12 11:18 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Ride to Bonnaroo

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:59:24

Original ad: i need a ride from philly to bonnaroo in manchester, TN! i will throw up some cash for gas. i dont have that much stuff either. i am a down ass chick and will be fun to ride with!

From Mike Anderson to ************@***********.org

Hey! I'm taking my truck down to Bonnaroo and should have an extra seat. I'm planning on leaving Wednesday afternoon. Does this work for you?

From Katie ******* to Me

yes that is fine! thank you! where do you live? i can meet you somewhere if it is easier for you.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

I live in West Philadelphia, born and raised. I can meet you anywhere you want. So far it is me, you, my friend Josh and his friends Steve and Rob. It should be a fun ride!

From Katie ******* to Me

great! how big is your truck? i may have a lot of stuff.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

My truck is pretty big. It is a Mazda Miata and it can hold around 3 people. You will probably have to sit on Steve's lap. He's fat though, so it will be somewhat comfortable to sit on. Are you attractive? My only concern is that Steve may get turned on when you are sitting on his lap. If this is an issue, you can sit on Josh's lap because he is gay. The only problem with that is that if you are fat, you may crush him because he is a small dude. But if you are fat you can probably just sit on Steve's lap without him getting aroused.

From Katie ******* to Me

what?! how the hell are you going to fit 5 people in a miata? that isnt a truck! i dont want to sit on anyones lap.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

Oh, I get it. You are one of those Ford fanboys that likes to hate on Miatas. That's okay, I'm not too adamant about Mazdas. If you don't want to sit on Steve or Josh's lap, you can sit on mine, since I have a girlfriend and won't try anything. You will have to drive since my legs will be stuck, though. That's probably better, anyway, since my license is revoked until 2012, and I have a few warrants. Do you know how to drive stick? If you don't, I can teach you. You can pick it up in like five minutes.

From Katie ******* to Me

no im not driving are you fucking kidding me? this sounds like a horrible ride. ill find another ride thanks but no thanks. i still dont get how you are going to cram 4 dudes into a miata.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

Do you have a car? You can just follow us down there in your car if you want more room. I take the long way, however, since if I get pulled over in Kentucky or Virginia I will probably go to jail. We are going around, through Missouri. Missouri is really nice though!

From Katie ******* to Me

IF I HAD A CAR I WOULDNT NEED A FUCKING RIDE

THIS IS RIDICULOUS IM DONE TALKING TO YOU Phone Post
2/28/12 11:30 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Expired Phish Ticket

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:57:27

Original ad: i need a miracle. looking for ticket to phish @ jones beach for friday june 5th. please!

From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org at 1:30 PM JUN 08 2009

Hello,

I have an extra ticket for Phish at Jones Beach on June 5th that I will sell to you for $60. Let me know if you want it.

Mike

From ********@yahoo.com to Me

why the fuck would i want that the show already happened.

From Mike Anderson to ********@yahoo.com

Well why did you put the ad up then? I just thought you wanted the ticket stub for nostalgic value since the show was so fucking good.

From ********@yahoo.com to Me

I PUT THE AD UP ON JUNE 3 DUMBASS BEFORE THE SHOW HAPPPENED. A LOT OF FUCKING GOOD IT DID I MISSED THE SHOW CMON MAN $60 FOR A STUB ARE YOU NUTS

From Mike Anderson to ********@yahoo.com

So I guess you don't want the stub?

If you want, for $60 I can come to your house and play a clip of the show I taped on my cell phone. It is 30 seconds of trey jamming out during Split Open and Melt. You can't really see anything but a bunch of lights and you can't really hear anything either, but a true phan would appreciate it.

From ********@yahoo.com to Me

MAN YOU ARE AN IDIOT STOP TRYING TO SELL ME YOUR WORTHLESS SHIT Phone Post
2/28/12 11:32 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Hummer Rideshare

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:55:11

Original ad: looking for a ride from wilmington to manhattan next wednesday, any time during the day is good. I will pay for all of your gas as compensation.

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hello,

I am driving to NYC for a business meeting around 10 AM on Wednesday and would be able to give you a ride. Let me know if you still need one.

Mike

From Chris ******* to Me

mike, that sounds great. where do you want to meet to pick me up? i can meet you anywhere in wilmington. also, how much do you want for gas?

chris

Mike Anderson to Chris *******

Chris,

I shouldn't need too much money for gas. I drive a Hummer H2 with a swapped motor, so gas really isn't a problem. It gets about 4 MPG highway and only takes premium, so I'd say about $100 should cover it.

Mike

From Chris ******* to Me

what do you mean gas isnt a problem? 4 mpg is ridiculous. I was expecting to pay like 20 or 30 bucks tops! sorry but I'll have to pass

Mike Anderson to Chris ********

If you only want to pay 30 bucks, that can get you as far as Exit 7 on the Jersey Turnpike. I can drop you off there, and you can hitchhike the rest of the way. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is still legal in NJ so it shouldn't be a problem for you. I can pick you up on Naaman's Road in Wilmington by the Target shopping center around 9:30.

From Chris ******* to Me

are you serious? no I dont want to be dropped off in the middle of the turnpike. forget it

Mike Anderson to Chris ********

Okay, I can give you a ride to Manhattan for $30, but in return, we need to stop at this guy's house in New Brunswick to get some money that he owes me. He's been dodging my calls, so he probably won't be too willing to give the money when we show up at his house. I need you to stand there and look intimidating so he realizes we mean business. How big are you? You should be at least 5'11 and 200 lbs. You can bring a big friend if you are scrawny, but you should ask him to throw up some gas money too.

From Chris ******* to Me

what the fuck is wrong with you? you sound like a drug dealer. i dont want to ride to manhattan with you

Mike Anderson to Chris ********

Chris, I'm sorry that you have turned down my ride. I think you should change your ad on ********** to avoid any further confusion. I re-wrote it for you so all you have to do is click "edit" and then paste this where the original ad is:

"scrawny man, not capable of intimidating people, looking for a ride from wilmington to new york. not willing to be reasonable in compensation for gas. will most likely complain about stupid stuff the whole ride up"

From Chris ******* to Me

fuck off asshole Phone Post
2/28/12 12:03 PM
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jomxwll
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This is the funniest shit on the planet. Or at least my sleeping pills think so Phone Post
2/28/12 12:43 PM
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sevent2
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For later
2/28/12 1:35 PM
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Dwight Schrute
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These never get old.
2/28/12 1:36 PM
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ano8tsixxx
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for later LOL's
2/28/12 1:41 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Hahaha

Camry Killer

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:52:47

Original ad: selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hello,

Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn't even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can't blame them.

We can't bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

E-mail me back and we'll set up a time.

- Mike

From derek ******* to Me

what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

There's no denying it. I've got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

Maybe you were drunk and didn't remember? That doesn't make you any less guilty.

From derek ******* to Me

are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

From derek ******* to Me

yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

From derek ******* to Me

no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

Why would you be sorry if you didn't do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids. Phone Post
2/28/12 1:45 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Holy shit... This went bad for her real quick, lol

Buy My Wife's Car

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:40:34

Original ad: looking for honda civic or accord, 1996 or newer. looking to pay up to $5000 depending on condition.

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

Hey,

I'm selling my wife's 2003 Honda Civic while she is out of town. We are getting a divorce and I am selling it to spite her, so I'll sell it to you for 5k. It is nice. It has like 55,000 miles.

- Mike

From Andrea ****** to Me

I am very interested. Are you legally allowed to sell it, or does your wife have the title?

- Andrea

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a woman. What are you thinking? You can't drive! You better be e-mailing me from the laptop in your kitchen. Otherwise get back in there!

From Andrea ****** to Me

excuse me? this is the 21st century, and women can drive just as well as men! I'm a good driver! can I take a look at your car or what?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

no. I won't sell this car to a woman. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I made the roads a dangerous place. You should be riding public transportation, or have your husband drive you around.

From Andrea ****** to Me

I cant believe this. youre a dick! why did you let your wife drive the car if you are so against women driving?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

She just bought it despite my issues with women driving, which is why we will be getting a divorce. Now unless your husband wants to buy the car, go back to making sandwiches and ironing, you self-righteous cunt.

From Andrea ****** to Me

YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR WIFE!!!! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 2:58 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Posts: 725
Shitty Roommate #1

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:46:46

From Alex Mcgob to ***********@***********.org Hey! I am interested in renting your place, it sounds awesome! I can pay straight cash every month. Just don't ask where it comes from.

A little bit about myself, I am 22, and love having fun! I saw you are avid movie watchers, which is great because I have a large collection of pornography. I don't really like cleaning, so I will expect people to clean after me. I have 5 german shepherds, but don't worry, they are cool. I have a habit of eating any food I find, but I'll try to restock the fridge with tap water at least once a week. I love playing the bagpipes, and I usually play them every night for a few hours.

Now I just wanted to let you know, I am a bit of an alcoholic. I drink every night until I black out and am often loud and obnoxious. I don't have a car because I am currently sorting out my 3rd DUI, so is it cool if I borrow a car if I need to run to the liquor store or something? I'll make sure I put some gas in it.

Some people have complained that I don't shower, but my minor odor is nothing compared to the amount of money you will be saving on water.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thanks,

Alex

From Heather ******** to Me

are u fuckin crazy?! 5 german sheparts and u play the fuckin bagpipe?you must be out of your fucking mind. NO! Phone Post

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