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OtherGround Forums >> Mike the craigslist troll (pic)


2/28/12 1:41 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Hahaha

Camry Killer

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:52:47

Original ad: selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hello,

Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn't even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can't blame them.

We can't bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

E-mail me back and we'll set up a time.

- Mike

From derek ******* to Me

what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

There's no denying it. I've got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

Maybe you were drunk and didn't remember? That doesn't make you any less guilty.

From derek ******* to Me

are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

From derek ******* to Me

yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

From derek ******* to Me

no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

Why would you be sorry if you didn't do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids. Phone Post
2/28/12 1:45 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Holy shit... This went bad for her real quick, lol

Buy My Wife's Car

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:40:34

Original ad: looking for honda civic or accord, 1996 or newer. looking to pay up to $5000 depending on condition.

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

Hey,

I'm selling my wife's 2003 Honda Civic while she is out of town. We are getting a divorce and I am selling it to spite her, so I'll sell it to you for 5k. It is nice. It has like 55,000 miles.

- Mike

From Andrea ****** to Me

I am very interested. Are you legally allowed to sell it, or does your wife have the title?

- Andrea

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a woman. What are you thinking? You can't drive! You better be e-mailing me from the laptop in your kitchen. Otherwise get back in there!

From Andrea ****** to Me

excuse me? this is the 21st century, and women can drive just as well as men! I'm a good driver! can I take a look at your car or what?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

no. I won't sell this car to a woman. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I made the roads a dangerous place. You should be riding public transportation, or have your husband drive you around.

From Andrea ****** to Me

I cant believe this. youre a dick! why did you let your wife drive the car if you are so against women driving?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

She just bought it despite my issues with women driving, which is why we will be getting a divorce. Now unless your husband wants to buy the car, go back to making sandwiches and ironing, you self-righteous cunt.

From Andrea ****** to Me

YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR WIFE!!!! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 2:58 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Shitty Roommate #1

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:46:46

From Alex Mcgob to ***********@***********.org Hey! I am interested in renting your place, it sounds awesome! I can pay straight cash every month. Just don't ask where it comes from.

A little bit about myself, I am 22, and love having fun! I saw you are avid movie watchers, which is great because I have a large collection of pornography. I don't really like cleaning, so I will expect people to clean after me. I have 5 german shepherds, but don't worry, they are cool. I have a habit of eating any food I find, but I'll try to restock the fridge with tap water at least once a week. I love playing the bagpipes, and I usually play them every night for a few hours.

Now I just wanted to let you know, I am a bit of an alcoholic. I drink every night until I black out and am often loud and obnoxious. I don't have a car because I am currently sorting out my 3rd DUI, so is it cool if I borrow a car if I need to run to the liquor store or something? I'll make sure I put some gas in it.

Some people have complained that I don't shower, but my minor odor is nothing compared to the amount of money you will be saving on water.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thanks,

Alex

From Heather ******** to Me

are u fuckin crazy?! 5 german sheparts and u play the fuckin bagpipe?you must be out of your fucking mind. NO! Phone Post
2/28/12 3:02 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lmao

Shitty Roommate #2

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:48:39

YOU Wrote: Hi Megan! I am interested in your ad about a roommate for your apartment.

A little bit about myself, I am 21 years old and have two kids. Don't worry, though, their mother doesn't know I moved here (heh heh) so they most likely will never find me. I know your ad said female only, so I hope you don't mind that I am male.

I saw you said pets are ok, so I hope the two parrots I own will not be a problem. They only understand German, which I do not speak, so I kind of just let them fly around and do their own thing.

I am currently working at an audio repair shop as a subwoofer technician. This means that I bring home subwoofers a lot and have to try them out at full volume. I hope this is okay with you.

Now since you are a female, I should let you know that I tend to get drunk a lot and fuck anything that moves. If you have a problem with this, just let me know.

I like to throw parties a lot. Your ad said you are a smoker, so is it okay if my friends come over and smoke meth occasionally? I promise we won't get out of hand.

It is great that you are female, I hope that means that you can do my laundry and cook for me.

I'll look forward to living with you!

- Derek

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

ummmmmmmm no thanks! i said female only and no offense, but u sound like a horrible person to live with

YOU Wrote:

Megan,

I know you said female only, but my friends have told me that I am very feminine. I even like to watch American Idol! And if you don't mind me asking, why do you think I am a horrible person to live with? If you have a problem with my German parrots, I'll understand. My last roommate was Jewish too.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

no im not jewish lol. i dont care if u like american idol. you blast subwoofers, drink, and smoke meth, and expect me to cook for you? hell no. sorry

YOU Wrote:

Well sorry Megan if you feel that you shouldn't have to cook for me. It is just that I am a firm believer that women are responsible for those types of things. I'll smoke the meth outside if you are gonna be a twat about it.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

um excuse me? you are an asshole! what are you from the 1950s or something? fucking sexist prick

YOU Wrote:

1950's? Oh I see, you are one of those feminist bitches. I bet you think women should be allowed to vote too. HA! Well Megan, I am sorry to say this, but I have decided that I do not want to live with you anymore. Maybe next time you'll be a little more open minded about meth, and know your role when it comes to cooking and cleaning.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

GOOD! i didnt want u to live here in the first place!!! now FUCK OFF!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 3:17 PM
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13th Assassin
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Lmfao hahahaha Phone Post
2/28/12 3:25 PM
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tinytuffnutz
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Subbed for the lulz
2/28/12 3:28 PM
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xBrokenSwordx
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We need more trollz - they make stuff better! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:03 PM
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Supimpa
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sub'd
2/28/12 4:14 PM
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thenino
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ttt
2/28/12 4:35 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Missed Connections

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:44:53

Original ad: i saw you outside market east station. you were getting into a red ford truck. i was wearing a yellow shirt and had dirty blonde hair. our eyes met and we smiled. i hope you find me so we can meet up :)

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

That was me. I don't know why you thought we had a moment. I was smiling because of how disgustingly fat you were. I was trying to hold back laughter as I got into my truck. When I got in I just fucking lost it. Dirty blonde hair? Try dirty, grease-soaked hair.

From Chelsea ******** to Me

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:37 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Air Hockey Sex Table

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:56:51

This guy is the shit.

Original ad:

From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org RE: Air Hockey Table

Hello,

I saw your ad for an air hockey table and had a question about it. My girlfriend tells me has always wanted to have sex on an air hockey table. Before I shell out $150 for this, I just wanted to know if sex on an air hockey table is practical and/or really even worth it. I told her if she wanted air blowing on her we could just lay on a window fan, but she is insisting that I get an air hockey table. What do you think?

Tim

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

Dont think it is as sturdy as my pool table but you two can c0ome try it out and let me know

From Timmy Tucker to **********@yahoo.com

Great. I'll let my girlfriend know. Will we have privacy, or are you going to be there to make sure we don't break it?

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

I will be there for support and help but very private Phone Post
2/28/12 4:41 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lmao

Part Out Your Honda

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:36:00

From Timmy Tucker to ************@***********.org

Hi,

I saw your ad for the Honda Accord. I will give you $200 for the alternator and driver side door.

Let me know if you are interested,

Tim

From Josh ******** to Me

im not parting out the car. it is $6000 for the whole thing.

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

Can't you just sell me the door and alternator and then sell the car for $5800?

From Josh ******** to Me

who the fuck would want to buy a car without a door and alternator?

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

You could sell it as a Honda Accord "Jeep Wrangler" addition, built for offroading without the doors, just like a Jeep. Instead of saying the alternator was removed, say the car was modified to help the environment.

From Josh ******** to Me

thats fucking retarded. how about you go to a junk yard

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

How about I go to your yard, Josh ********, and fucking take everything off your car while you sleep. Phone Post
2/28/12 4:43 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Ride in the D.A.R.E. Mobile

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:54:41

I had to fuck with this girl some more...

Original ad: 26 year old female who loves music looking for friendly male concert buddy.

i have tickets to see STS9 tomorrow night and am looking for someone to go with me to see them. you must be 420 friendly!

From Mike Hunt to ***********@***********.org

yoooooo brah! whats good. im totally down for sts9! i saw you are 420 friendly, so i hope its cool if i shoot up some heroin on the way there. also ive got a few tanks of nitrous for the lots, can we fit them in your car? i can throw up some coke for gas

mike

From Stacey ***** to Me

um thats not really what i meant by 420 friendly. i really dont want someone doing heroin in my car and i dont want to get pulled over with nitrous tanks. arent those really illegal?

From Mike Hunt to Stacey *****

well psh sorry i didnt realize i was dealing with fucking officer stacey over here. i didnt want to take a ride in the D.A.R.E. mobile anyway so fuck you

From Stacey ***** to Me

what?! fuck you! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:52 PM
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Mok The Ookla
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. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:36 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - My god this guy is hilarious!!

"The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna"

So fucking funny, the first one was the best for me. With the photos in stages just made it so much better! Phone Post
I know. This guy is unbelievable. I wish I could take all the credit, lol. there might be more with pics. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:42 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Female Movers

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:31:44

Obviously this bitch knew her place.

Original ad: Hi, I'm looking for two "reliable/cool" girls to help me move some things from one storage unit to the next on Saturday 30th or Sunday 31st of May . They are directly across from each other but there are some fairly heavy things. I am low-key mid 30's female and can help with some stuff but will have stitches so am not supposed to lift a lot of heavy stuff. I can pay $15.00 per hour each for all or any part of the hour (ie: 1 hr and 20 min = $30.00). Also, can pick you up and drop off. I guess it will take us 1-2 hours start to finish.

From Timmy Tucker to ************@**********.org

Hello,

I saw your ad on ********** looking for girls to help you move. I am not a girl, but I must say, who are you kidding? Girls can't move heavy objects. That is a man's job, which is perfect for me. I am 6 foot and 220 lbs. I can bench press twice my weight and I can definitely move the shit out of whatever you are carrying. Leave the women for the kitchen. I'll help you move. My rate is $40 an hour.

Thanks,

Tim

From Trace ***** ****** to Me

Thanks, Tim. Will keep you posted. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:44 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Jewish Sperm Donor

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:39:56

This was in response to an ad looking for Jewish egg donors (wtf?)

Timmy Tucker to *********

Shalom!

My name is Mordecai Davidsteinberg and I saw your ad looking for donors. I would gladly help. I blow hearty loads of jew cum every day and would love to see my nut blossom into a beautiful little jew. A little bit about myself: I am an avid jew. I only eat kosher food and I regularly visit the synagogue. I assure you that my sperm is 100% Israeli.

I look forward to nutting in some hot jewish MILFS!

- Mordy Phone Post
2/28/12 6:08 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - Thanks for posting these! Can't get enough of them Phone Post
Yeah we're getting near the end :/ maybe new stuff will come out soon. Phone Post
2/28/12 6:12 PM
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gregbrady
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lol @ female movers
2/28/12 6:13 PM
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gregbrady
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hidden weapons is still the funniest thing on the internet
2/28/12 6:32 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - Oh damn I only just checked the dates! Someone find this man! Phone Post
Yeah from what I can tell he's been putting one out every month. Last was Jan 24 I think.. Phone Post
2/28/12 6:56 PM
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MadDog243
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Im sitting at my desk fuckin dying here! If I get fired, it was worth it.
2/28/12 7:31 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Stupid Dog Sweater Lady

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:38:14

Original ad: I am looking for inexpensive dog apparel (T shirts, sweaters, etc.). My dog is a Minature Pinscher. He is a boy and he is around 12 lbs. Maybe you bought some clothes for you pet and they have grown out of them. Also, if you know of any places or websites that offer cheap dog clothing. Either one, please let me know! I really do not want to pay $20 for dog accessories! Thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hi,

I saw that you are looking for clothing for your dog, so I think it is a fair assumption that you are the type of person who likes to buy stupid shit. In that case, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and she has a ton of crap like that that I want to get rid of. I have a "no place like home" welcome mat, a valentine bear that talks when you squeeze it, the first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and one of those singing fish things. Let me know if you want any of this shit.

Thanks,

Mike

From Katie ******** to Me

Your assumption is incorrect. I do not like to buy stupid shit. I just like to pamper my dog as I don't have any kids. Thanks, but I am not interested in any of those items.

From Mike Anderson to Katie *******

In that case, I have a 32" Sony LCD TV for your dog. You can put on the Animal Channel for him. I'll sell it to you for $400.

- Mike Phone Post
2/28/12 7:37 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lol. Holy damn.. Keep reading...
"Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't."


Semi-gloss Enamel Kitten

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:34:44

Original ad: i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you

From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

Hey,

I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend's kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old.

Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny.

Let me know if you want him.

Thanks

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah,

I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

WTF R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME! EW

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't.

From sarah ******** to Me

NO I DO NOT WANT HIM THAT IS FUKED UP!!!

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation. Phone Post
2/28/12 7:55 PM
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midget_head
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lol

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