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OtherGround Forums >> Mike the craigslist troll (pic)


2/28/12 2:58 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Shitty Roommate #1

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:46:46

From Alex Mcgob to ***********@***********.org Hey! I am interested in renting your place, it sounds awesome! I can pay straight cash every month. Just don't ask where it comes from.

A little bit about myself, I am 22, and love having fun! I saw you are avid movie watchers, which is great because I have a large collection of pornography. I don't really like cleaning, so I will expect people to clean after me. I have 5 german shepherds, but don't worry, they are cool. I have a habit of eating any food I find, but I'll try to restock the fridge with tap water at least once a week. I love playing the bagpipes, and I usually play them every night for a few hours.

Now I just wanted to let you know, I am a bit of an alcoholic. I drink every night until I black out and am often loud and obnoxious. I don't have a car because I am currently sorting out my 3rd DUI, so is it cool if I borrow a car if I need to run to the liquor store or something? I'll make sure I put some gas in it.

Some people have complained that I don't shower, but my minor odor is nothing compared to the amount of money you will be saving on water.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thanks,

Alex

From Heather ******** to Me

are u fuckin crazy?! 5 german sheparts and u play the fuckin bagpipe?you must be out of your fucking mind. NO! Phone Post
2/28/12 3:02 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lmao

Shitty Roommate #2

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:48:39

YOU Wrote: Hi Megan! I am interested in your ad about a roommate for your apartment.

A little bit about myself, I am 21 years old and have two kids. Don't worry, though, their mother doesn't know I moved here (heh heh) so they most likely will never find me. I know your ad said female only, so I hope you don't mind that I am male.

I saw you said pets are ok, so I hope the two parrots I own will not be a problem. They only understand German, which I do not speak, so I kind of just let them fly around and do their own thing.

I am currently working at an audio repair shop as a subwoofer technician. This means that I bring home subwoofers a lot and have to try them out at full volume. I hope this is okay with you.

Now since you are a female, I should let you know that I tend to get drunk a lot and fuck anything that moves. If you have a problem with this, just let me know.

I like to throw parties a lot. Your ad said you are a smoker, so is it okay if my friends come over and smoke meth occasionally? I promise we won't get out of hand.

It is great that you are female, I hope that means that you can do my laundry and cook for me.

I'll look forward to living with you!

- Derek

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

ummmmmmmm no thanks! i said female only and no offense, but u sound like a horrible person to live with

YOU Wrote:

Megan,

I know you said female only, but my friends have told me that I am very feminine. I even like to watch American Idol! And if you don't mind me asking, why do you think I am a horrible person to live with? If you have a problem with my German parrots, I'll understand. My last roommate was Jewish too.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

no im not jewish lol. i dont care if u like american idol. you blast subwoofers, drink, and smoke meth, and expect me to cook for you? hell no. sorry

YOU Wrote:

Well sorry Megan if you feel that you shouldn't have to cook for me. It is just that I am a firm believer that women are responsible for those types of things. I'll smoke the meth outside if you are gonna be a twat about it.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

um excuse me? you are an asshole! what are you from the 1950s or something? fucking sexist prick

YOU Wrote:

1950's? Oh I see, you are one of those feminist bitches. I bet you think women should be allowed to vote too. HA! Well Megan, I am sorry to say this, but I have decided that I do not want to live with you anymore. Maybe next time you'll be a little more open minded about meth, and know your role when it comes to cooking and cleaning.

MEGAN *********** Wrote:

GOOD! i didnt want u to live here in the first place!!! now FUCK OFF!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 3:17 PM
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13th Assassin
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Lmfao hahahaha Phone Post
2/28/12 3:25 PM
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tinytuffnutz
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Subbed for the lulz
2/28/12 3:28 PM
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xBrokenSwordx
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We need more trollz - they make stuff better! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:03 PM
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Supimpa
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sub'd
2/28/12 4:14 PM
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thenino
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ttt
2/28/12 4:35 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Missed Connections

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:44:53

Original ad: i saw you outside market east station. you were getting into a red ford truck. i was wearing a yellow shirt and had dirty blonde hair. our eyes met and we smiled. i hope you find me so we can meet up :)

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

That was me. I don't know why you thought we had a moment. I was smiling because of how disgustingly fat you were. I was trying to hold back laughter as I got into my truck. When I got in I just fucking lost it. Dirty blonde hair? Try dirty, grease-soaked hair.

From Chelsea ******** to Me

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:37 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Air Hockey Sex Table

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:56:51

This guy is the shit.

Original ad:

From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org RE: Air Hockey Table

Hello,

I saw your ad for an air hockey table and had a question about it. My girlfriend tells me has always wanted to have sex on an air hockey table. Before I shell out $150 for this, I just wanted to know if sex on an air hockey table is practical and/or really even worth it. I told her if she wanted air blowing on her we could just lay on a window fan, but she is insisting that I get an air hockey table. What do you think?

Tim

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

Dont think it is as sturdy as my pool table but you two can c0ome try it out and let me know

From Timmy Tucker to **********@yahoo.com

Great. I'll let my girlfriend know. Will we have privacy, or are you going to be there to make sure we don't break it?

From ***********@yahoo.com to Me

I will be there for support and help but very private Phone Post
2/28/12 4:41 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lmao

Part Out Your Honda

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:36:00

From Timmy Tucker to ************@***********.org

Hi,

I saw your ad for the Honda Accord. I will give you $200 for the alternator and driver side door.

Let me know if you are interested,

Tim

From Josh ******** to Me

im not parting out the car. it is $6000 for the whole thing.

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

Can't you just sell me the door and alternator and then sell the car for $5800?

From Josh ******** to Me

who the fuck would want to buy a car without a door and alternator?

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

You could sell it as a Honda Accord "Jeep Wrangler" addition, built for offroading without the doors, just like a Jeep. Instead of saying the alternator was removed, say the car was modified to help the environment.

From Josh ******** to Me

thats fucking retarded. how about you go to a junk yard

From Timmy Tucker to Josh ********

How about I go to your yard, Josh ********, and fucking take everything off your car while you sleep. Phone Post
2/28/12 4:43 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Ride in the D.A.R.E. Mobile

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:54:41

I had to fuck with this girl some more...

Original ad: 26 year old female who loves music looking for friendly male concert buddy.

i have tickets to see STS9 tomorrow night and am looking for someone to go with me to see them. you must be 420 friendly!

From Mike Hunt to ***********@***********.org

yoooooo brah! whats good. im totally down for sts9! i saw you are 420 friendly, so i hope its cool if i shoot up some heroin on the way there. also ive got a few tanks of nitrous for the lots, can we fit them in your car? i can throw up some coke for gas

mike

From Stacey ***** to Me

um thats not really what i meant by 420 friendly. i really dont want someone doing heroin in my car and i dont want to get pulled over with nitrous tanks. arent those really illegal?

From Mike Hunt to Stacey *****

well psh sorry i didnt realize i was dealing with fucking officer stacey over here. i didnt want to take a ride in the D.A.R.E. mobile anyway so fuck you

From Stacey ***** to Me

what?! fuck you! Phone Post
2/28/12 4:52 PM
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Mok The Ookla
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. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:36 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - My god this guy is hilarious!!

"The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna"

So fucking funny, the first one was the best for me. With the photos in stages just made it so much better! Phone Post
I know. This guy is unbelievable. I wish I could take all the credit, lol. there might be more with pics. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:42 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Female Movers

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:31:44

Obviously this bitch knew her place.

Original ad: Hi, I'm looking for two "reliable/cool" girls to help me move some things from one storage unit to the next on Saturday 30th or Sunday 31st of May . They are directly across from each other but there are some fairly heavy things. I am low-key mid 30's female and can help with some stuff but will have stitches so am not supposed to lift a lot of heavy stuff. I can pay $15.00 per hour each for all or any part of the hour (ie: 1 hr and 20 min = $30.00). Also, can pick you up and drop off. I guess it will take us 1-2 hours start to finish.

From Timmy Tucker to ************@**********.org

Hello,

I saw your ad on ********** looking for girls to help you move. I am not a girl, but I must say, who are you kidding? Girls can't move heavy objects. That is a man's job, which is perfect for me. I am 6 foot and 220 lbs. I can bench press twice my weight and I can definitely move the shit out of whatever you are carrying. Leave the women for the kitchen. I'll help you move. My rate is $40 an hour.

Thanks,

Tim

From Trace ***** ****** to Me

Thanks, Tim. Will keep you posted. Phone Post
2/28/12 5:44 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Jewish Sperm Donor

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:39:56

This was in response to an ad looking for Jewish egg donors (wtf?)

Timmy Tucker to *********

Shalom!

My name is Mordecai Davidsteinberg and I saw your ad looking for donors. I would gladly help. I blow hearty loads of jew cum every day and would love to see my nut blossom into a beautiful little jew. A little bit about myself: I am an avid jew. I only eat kosher food and I regularly visit the synagogue. I assure you that my sperm is 100% Israeli.

I look forward to nutting in some hot jewish MILFS!

- Mordy Phone Post
2/28/12 6:08 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - Thanks for posting these! Can't get enough of them Phone Post
Yeah we're getting near the end :/ maybe new stuff will come out soon. Phone Post
2/28/12 6:12 PM
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gregbrady
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lol @ female movers
2/28/12 6:13 PM
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gregbrady
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hidden weapons is still the funniest thing on the internet
2/28/12 6:32 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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AntonioStuckHisNogInMyOrtiz - Oh damn I only just checked the dates! Someone find this man! Phone Post
Yeah from what I can tell he's been putting one out every month. Last was Jan 24 I think.. Phone Post
2/28/12 6:56 PM
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MadDog243
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Im sitting at my desk fuckin dying here! If I get fired, it was worth it.
2/28/12 7:31 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Stupid Dog Sweater Lady

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:38:14

Original ad: I am looking for inexpensive dog apparel (T shirts, sweaters, etc.). My dog is a Minature Pinscher. He is a boy and he is around 12 lbs. Maybe you bought some clothes for you pet and they have grown out of them. Also, if you know of any places or websites that offer cheap dog clothing. Either one, please let me know! I really do not want to pay $20 for dog accessories! Thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hi,

I saw that you are looking for clothing for your dog, so I think it is a fair assumption that you are the type of person who likes to buy stupid shit. In that case, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and she has a ton of crap like that that I want to get rid of. I have a "no place like home" welcome mat, a valentine bear that talks when you squeeze it, the first season of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and one of those singing fish things. Let me know if you want any of this shit.

Thanks,

Mike

From Katie ******** to Me

Your assumption is incorrect. I do not like to buy stupid shit. I just like to pamper my dog as I don't have any kids. Thanks, but I am not interested in any of those items.

From Mike Anderson to Katie *******

In that case, I have a 32" Sony LCD TV for your dog. You can put on the Animal Channel for him. I'll sell it to you for $400.

- Mike Phone Post
2/28/12 7:37 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lol. Holy damn.. Keep reading...
"Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't."


Semi-gloss Enamel Kitten

Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:34:44

Original ad: i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you

From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

Hey,

I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend's kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old.

Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny.

Let me know if you want him.

Thanks

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah,

I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?

Mike

From sarah ******** to Me

WTF R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME! EW

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't.

From sarah ******** to Me

NO I DO NOT WANT HIM THAT IS FUKED UP!!!

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation. Phone Post
2/28/12 7:55 PM
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midget_head
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lol
2/28/12 8:00 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Lost

Posted at: 2012-01-24 00:00:00 | 225 comments | Add Comment

Original ad: 36" RCA tube TV for sale. good condition. pickup only. very heavy. first with $50 gets it. no phone- email only.

From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hey there,

I want your TV. I have $50 cash and can pick it up anytime. What is your number? I'll call you for directions.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

hi mike. i live at 54 ********* dr. can you get it today? i dont have a phone so just show up and knock on my door. ill be home all day sound good?

From Me to Steve *****:

Sounds good. I'll be over in a few hours.

Thanks,

Mike

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, I'm on Pughtown Rd right now but I am having trouble finding your house. Can you help me out? I pulled over on Wilson Rd and I'll wait for your instructions.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i dont live on pughtown. i live on ******** dr. if you turn rite onto pughtown, then rite on bethel rd from pughtown it will take you there.

From Me to Steve *****:

Okay, I turned onto Pughtown again but I don't see Bethel Rd. I crossed over a river and now it says I am coming up on Route 113. Am I going the right direction?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no. i said make a rite on pughtown. you made a left. turn around and go the other way. your not even close so you have a way to go.

From Me to Steve *****:

Uh...I turned around and I'm still not seeing Bethel. It looks like I'm at Pughtown and Rt. 100. Should I go down that?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

NO! you drove passed bethel dude IT INTERSECTS WITH PUGHTOWN. turn around and it will be on your LEFT

From Me to Steve *****:

I already turned onto Rt. 100 because you took too long to respond. It is kind of hard to turn around on this road. Doesn't 100 intersect with 113? I'm just going to do that and then loop around back to Pughtown Rd.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no dont do that!! you will be on 100 for like 15 miles before that happens! just turn around and get back on pughtown this should be easy

From Me to Steve *****:

This would be much easier if I could just call you. What is your phone number?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i already told you i dont have a phone. how is this so confusing to you? where are you now?

From Me to Steve *****:

I think I'm on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It says the next exit is King of Prussia in 15 miles. Should I get off at that exit?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

dude why the FUCK would you get on the turnpike? didnt you notice something was wrong WHEN YOU HAD TO GO THRU A FUCKING TOLL???? jesus man you are hopeless!

From Me to Steve *****:

Calm down. No need for profanities. I saw the toll and realized something was wrong, but there wasn't anywhere for me to turn around so I just went through it. I accidentally went through the EZ-PASS thing instead of the regular toll and I think it took a picture of my license plate. Should I get off at the King of Prussia exit? I just passed a billboard for Geico insurance, if that helps.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i cant help you. you are beyond lost. next time get a fucking GPS if you are this bad with directons

From Me to Steve *****:

Well, I hope you are happy. I just got pulled over for texting while driving, and going 103 in a 65. The cop is running my information right now.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

how the fuck is that my fault!?

From Me to Steve *****:

Apparently my registration and insurance are expired, so they are towing my car. Also, they said there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for not paying some speeding ticket I got last year. They are taking me to a police station in Norristown. The cop said I should be processed in a few hours. Would you be able to bail me out? Bring the TV, too. They are taking my phone now so I won't be able to talk to you after this.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

are you fucking with me? im sorry dude but you are a fucking idiot and im done dealing withyou

============================== EPILOGUE - SEVERAL DAYS LATER ==============================

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, it is Mike again. Where were you?You never came to bail me out. I had to get a bail bondsman and now I owe like $1500. On top of that, they found a bowl and some weed in my car, and a little bit of cocaine. I'm getting charged with possession, which is going to cost me a fortune. Plus my speeding ticket which is going to be over $200. Seeing as this is your fault, I think you should pay me at least $500 as compensation. I don't know when I will get my car back so you will have to bring the $500 to me. I live in West Chester, when can you come with the money? Also, bring the TV.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

listen up you stupid fuckhead. i gave you the easiest directons and you still got fucking lost. did i ask you to go on the turnpike and get pulled over for speeding like a fucking idiot? did i ask you to have drugs in your car? NO. you must be smoking crack if you think im giving you $500 and the tv. im surprised the cops didnt find crack in your car you fucking crackhead. none of this is my fault you are just a fucking dipshit that cant follow directons so fuck the fuck off and never email me again!!!!

oh and i sold the tv to someone else and the guy had no problems finding my house cause HES NOT A FUCKING MORON Phone Post
2/28/12 8:01 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Posting that one again bc of its golden posterity Phone Post

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