UnderGround Forums
 

OtherGround Forums >> Mike the craigslist troll (pic)


2/15/13 6:12 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
BudmademeWeiser
18 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/10/12
Posts: 123
Sub a dub dub Phone Post
2/15/13 8:06 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Rudi
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 5/11/12
Posts: 145
In Phone Post
2/15/13 10:42 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
hokuboi
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/1/05
Posts: 91
In Phone Post
3/1/13 5:25 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
PhillyFights
147 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 11/18/09
Posts: 5654

re-sub so can easily find....thread deserving of a bump anyway

3/1/13 7:43 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Daredevil73
68 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 9/3/02
Posts: 34125
Good material
3/1/13 8:03 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
The Super Bean
454 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 6/16/12
Posts: 1552

Sub

3/1/13 10:28 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
joethechef
8 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 1/25/11
Posts: 26
This guys great Phone Post
3/1/13 11:02 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
RoyalRailer
61 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 8/1/12
Posts: 962
tampadan - THis is my favorite one so far:



Previous | Next
Operation: Soccer Escort
Posted at: 2009-08-07 09:03:54
Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
From Me to ************@comcast.net

Good afternoon.

My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

Sincerely,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

- Kate

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.

My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver.

Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice.

Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you.

Let me know,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...

Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.

My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.

Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.

From Kate ******** to Me

Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.


(later, from another e-mail account)

From Nick Walken to Kate **********

Dear Kate,

I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.

When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today.

You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations.

If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.

Nick

From Kate ******** to Me

what in the hell...
Previous | Next



Lmao!


Awesome Phone Post
3/1/13 11:56 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
jmb73
5 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/20/12
Posts: 530
In! So inn Phone Post
3/1/13 12:03 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
LiftedPro
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 4/29/12
Posts: 51
Sub Phone Post
3/1/13 12:25 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
andyman011
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 12/7/11
Posts: 1502
Sub Phone Post
3/1/13 4:01 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
jmb73
5 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/20/12
Posts: 531
ZeRoTZ - From jim ****** to Me:

are you out of your fuckin mind i dont want any fuckin magazines!!! what the fuck.. you better fuckin cancel that shit. what the fuck were you thinking dude, im not paying for that you fuckin dumbass

From jim ****** to Me:

and its obvious YOUR TV WAS STOLEN YOU FUCKIN RETARD. why the FUCK would you leave a tv in the back of your truck in chester?

cancel the fuckin magazines..NOW.

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

Why do you want me to cancel the magazines? It is a great magazine and I got you a great deal for it. You won't find it cheaper anywhere else. Also, to put it frankly, if you were going to buy a Westinghouse plasma TV from me without even looking at it, then it is clear you still have a lot to learn about plasma TVs. Reading this magazine will make you an expert in no time.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

you fuckin asshole i dont want to pay for some stupid magazine! i just want a goddamn tv. who the fuck would want to read a fuckin weekly magazine about tvs?! cancel it right now. im serious

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

I'm sorry you feel that way about the magazine. I was just trying to help. Unfortunately I cannot cancel the magazine. When I signed you up on the phone, they gave me a confirmation number I could use to cancel the subscription. I couldn't find a piece of paper to write it on, so I wrote the number on a napkin. I think I accidentally used the napkin to wipe my face after eating wings last night, and then threw it out. I'd look through the trash to find it for you, but the garbage truck already picked it up this morning. I think they take it to the dump/recycling center in Media if you want to go look for it. It was a napkin from Taco Bell, if that helps. I usually get all my napkins there.

If you think it would be easier, you could just cancel it once you get your first magazine in the mail. You'll probably be billed for the first month, plus a $75 cancellation fee because I didn't sign you up for cancellation insurance. I just assumed you would want to keep the magazine.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

i cant believe i just read all that shit because i should have known from the first few lines that you were a fuckin idiot

i dont care if you have to blow the fuckin editor, you better find a way to get it cancelled because i am not spending a goddamn nickel on that magazine! Phone Post
. who the fuck would want to read a fuckin weekly magazine about tvs?!



Yup, right here is when I sharted from laughter Phone Post
3/1/13 4:17 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
acamp76144
2 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 6/15/09
Posts: 117
Sub Phone Post
3/15/13 5:04 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
ss_thai
15 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 12/3/11
Posts: 449
Bumped for the greater good Phone Post
3/15/13 2:29 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
RoyalRailer
61 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 8/1/12
Posts: 1267
Any new ones? Phone Post
4/1/13 10:55 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Abrtitans
39 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 2/15/13
Posts: 266
In
4/1/13 11:14 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
felix1985
Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 5/5/11
Posts: 623
In for lulz Phone Post
4/9/13 8:06 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
ZeRoTZ
1534 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/10/10
Posts: 2064
Ttt
4/9/13 8:35 AM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
JiuKaraKwonThaiKungDo Master
38 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 4/1/10
Posts: 2252
Funny shit! Phone Post 3.0
4/10/13 1:25 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Jored1990
171 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 2/23/12
Posts: 1160

I've been reading these at work and doing a really shitty job stifling my laughter

VU

4/10/13 2:30 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Daredevil73
68 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 9/3/02
Posts: 34666
I'd really like to meet this guy. Someone who is so dedicated to his craft that he's truly reached a new level of mastery.
4/10/13 2:40 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
Best Chris Ever
35 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 7/25/11
Posts: 2915
The shovel of hate needs to find its way into Jacobear and his convo Phone Post
4/10/13 2:45 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
obsessis
8 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 2/4/09
Posts: 1431
Good thread.
4/10/13 3:14 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
jragg32
30 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 8/21/10
Posts: 776
Your second best thread zero! Phone Post 3.0
4/10/13 4:46 PM
Ignore | Quote | Vote Down | Vote Up
HKShooter
34 The total sum of your votes up and votes down Send Private Message Add Comment To Profile

Member Since: 3/31/13
Posts: 4
Thanks for the hours of wonderful entertainment. Gold? Shit... This is more like platinum. Or unobtanium... Phone Post

Reply Post

You must log in to post a reply. Click here to login.