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2/25/12 7:11 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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lol, these are pretty good...

The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 1
Posted at: 2009-06-08 00:51:29
Original ad:
**********HEY YOU THERE*************-$1500

HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR A FORD EXPLORER!I NEED A TRUCK SO IF YOU ARE SELLING YOURS AND IT HAS NO PROBLEMS WHAT SO EVER THEN LET ME KNOW. I'M A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND WE NEED A WAY TO GET AROUND WHERE NO BODY WILL BE ALL CRAMPED UP AND A EXPLORER WILL DO US JUST FINE. I'M LOOKING TO BUY AROUND THE END OF OCTOBER IF YOU HAVE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO SELL THEN GET AT ME A.S.AP.

(the ad also had a picture of her posing for the camera, like that is necessary for an "auto wanted" ad)
Me to SHANIQUA ***********
ay yo girl i gots a ford explorer for you

its not really a 1997 its a 1985
and its not really a ford explorer its a ford bronco but its like the same thing

here are the specs if your interested:
-217,292 miles
-transmission is in good shape, 5th gear and reverse work but the rest dont
-the V6 engine was replaced with a V8, gas mileage is pretty good - i got about 12 mpg highway the other day but that was with premium
-power windows but you have to turn a crank to roll them down
-tape player - it does play but there is a def leppard tape jammed in there and it won't come out. great for def leppard fans!
-i am a smoker so you can smell it in the car, but ill throw in an air-freshener for an extra 10 bucks
-it came with front airbag, but it deployed in my last accident and i didnt get it replaced. broncos are safe though so you wont have to worry about an airbag.
-the air conditioning does not work anymore, but it used to and was really cold.
-heat works if you drive the car for a while
-the frame is bent due to an accident with a tractor trailer, but as long as you dont drive over 40 you shouldnt have any problems
-it can seat five which is good for kids, but the back seat has beer and urine stains. they have been professionally treated with windex
-the rear window is missing, but has been repaired with saran wrap
-you will need to have some minor repairs done: new brakes, the rear axle is missing, needs a new radiator and coolant system. i spoke to my friend who knows a lot about cars and he said it shouldnt cost more than a few bucks.
im asking for $7,500 but am willing to negotiate.
let me know what you think
-ted

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

No thanks.That's not what I'm looking for it's too old and not even the right type of Ford.Have a nice day :)

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

I'm willing to drop the price to $7,000 and throw in a phil collins cassette tape for the tape player. even though it may seem old, it still runs like it was OJ's bronco. and don't worry about it not being an explorer. all fords are built ford tough.

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

I don't think that you read my ad.I don't have $7000.00 to spend on a truck much less a DAMN 1985 BRONCO!!!!!!!!!!!You should be willing to give that old ass piece of shit away.GO AWAY and leave me the hell alone STOP WASTING MY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

I see you are a tough negotiator. My final offer is $6,900, and I'll include a floormat from my 1983 cutlass supreme. this floormat is brown with several stains and cigarette burns, but it will keep the beautiful bronco interior very clean. please consider this generous offer.

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

READ THE AD 1500 THAT'S IT.I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN FORD BRONCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

Okay, I can see that this luxurious bronco is out of your price range. That is okay. I have a cheaper car that you may be interested in.
It is a 1996 Geo Metro. Almost EXACTLY the same as a Ford Explorer. When looking at the two, I personally can't even tell the difference.
It was my son's car, but he lost his license after his third DUI, so now I am stuck with it. I have no use for it though, and would be willing to sell it to you for $1550.
Features:
- 246,000 HIGHWAY miles
- AM radio, great for traffic reports and radio disney
- 3 great tires from Walmart, they still have about 200 miles worth of tread on them
- Partially functional transmission. Reverse does not work, but you don't really need that anyway.
- Due to a wheel alignment problem, the car can only turn right. But with power steering, it makes turning right easy. Three right turns can make a left.
- No title
- Currently needs brakes, exhaust, cat converter, a front wheel and rotor, and a motor to pass inspection. But as long as you don't get pulled over, who cares about inspection?
- The paint is a metallic/rust red. Some of the spots have rusted through, but I covered it up with duct tape and spray paint. Looks good as new!
- Comes with THE CLUB, a state of the art anti-theft device. But i lost the key to it, so its stuck on the steering wheel. great for leaving your car in west philly!
- The gas tank currently leaks gas, so MPG is around 6 or 7 depending on how fast you drive. You just need to keep plugging the hole with gum.
At that price, this car is a DEAL! Let me know what you think.

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

so you don't want the geo? you're missing out on a dream car. tell you what, for that price, I will also include three old Newsweek magazines, a used toaster, and an old Philadelphia Eagles #81 Terrell Owens jersey.
2/25/12 7:12 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 2
Posted at: 2009-06-08 00:52:01
I couldn't resist fucking with her again. I used another e-mail account.
Original ad:
**********HEY YOU THERE*************-$1500

HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR A FORD EXPLORER!I NEED A TRUCK SO IF YOU ARE SELLING YOURS AND IT HAS NO PROBLEMS WHAT SO EVER THEN LET ME KNOW. I'M A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND WE NEED A WAY TO GET AROUND WHERE NO BODY WILL BE ALL CRAMPED UP AND A EXPLORER WILL DO US JUST FINE. I'M LOOKING TO BUY AROUND THE END OF OCTOBER IF YOU HAVE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO SELL THEN GET AT ME A.S.AP.

(the ad also had a picture of her posing for the camera, like that is necessary for an "auto wanted" ad)
Me to SHANIQUA ***********
Hey there! I saw your ad and I think I have the perfect car for you. I am selling my 2001 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer edition. It is a great car and I hate to see it go, but I need the money to pay off my 2nd DUI fines.

Only 72,000 miles! Here are the features:

- CD Player
- Intact windshield
- Rear tires
- Spare tire
- New windshield wipers
- Beautiful white exterior paint
- Cloth interior

It was in a very MINOR fender bender, however, and will need a few repairs. As you can see from the picture, you may need to replace the passenger-side mirror and headlights in order for the car to pass PA inspection. I took it to a mechanic, and he said that the mirror is fixable.
I was selling the car for $1800, but due to these minor issues, I will drop the price to $1750.

Thanks,

Ryan Jackson

Attachment:

http://dontevenreply.com/images/01explorer.GIF (blue please)

SHANIQUA *********** to Me
Hi I'm sorry I can't afford to buy your truckit looks really nice and I would love to be behind the wheel of it but I can't afford it.My budget will only allow for me to spend 1500 sorry

(she obviously didn't realize there was a picture)

Me to SHANIQUA ***********
tell you what, I'll bump the price down to 1500, but I get to keep the CD player and the passenger seat. and I will clear all of the change out of my ashtray.

this car is a great deal. I've included a picture, check it out and please reconsider!

SHANIQUA *********** to Me
WHY WOULD I BUT A PIECE OF JUNK WHY FOR WHAT YOU BETTA BET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2/25/12 7:13 PM
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jomxwll
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In Phone Post
2/25/12 7:19 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 3
Posted at: 2009-06-08 00:52:03
Original ad:
**********HEY YOU THERE*************-$1500

HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR A FORD EXPLORER!I NEED A TRUCK SO IF YOU ARE SELLING YOURS AND IT HAS NO PROBLEMS WHAT SO EVER THEN LET ME KNOW. I'M A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND WE NEED A WAY TO GET AROUND WHERE NO BODY WILL BE ALL CRAMPED UP AND A EXPLORER WILL DO US JUST FINE. I'M LOOKING TO BUY AROUND THE END OF OCTOBER IF YOU HAVE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO SELL THEN GET AT ME A.S.AP.

(the ad also had a picture of her posing for the camera, like that is necessary for an "auto wanted" ad)
Me to SHANIQUA *************
Hello,

I saw your ad on ********** and I think I have a great car for you. I am selling my 1996 Ford Explorer. I used to work in the film industry, and I got this car after it was used in a movie. It has a custom paint job from the movie set. I barely drive it, so it has only around 60,000 miles on it. I really have no use for it anymore, so I am willing to get rid of it. Take a look at it and let me know what you think. I've attached a few pictures of it. Please note that it did have a MINOR accident involving an animal and may have slight damage.

Thanks!

Attachment:

http://dontevenreply.com/images/96explorer1.GIF

http://dontevenreply.com/images/96explorer2.GIF



SHANIQUA ************* to Me
Sir I thank you for trying to help but I don't want to drive the truck from the dinosaur movie.I wouldn't mind if I had money to get it painted over but I don't. Thanks anyway

Me to SHANIQUA *************
I always believe that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and you shouldn't judge this car by its paint job. It has a great engine that will not quit. From the inside, you can't even tell it is painted like that. This car is reliable, and will NOT be going extinct any time soon.

SHANIQUA ************* to Me
No thanks!!!!

Me to SHANIQUA *************
Tell you what, for an extra 50 bucks I will spray paint the entire car flat black. I took an art class in high school so I have some experience painting and it will look great.

SHANIQUA ************* to Me
NO THANKS!!!WHEN YOU GET A SHINY BLUE OR BLACK ONE THEN YOU LET ME KNOW.

Me to SHANIQUA *************
Here's what I am willing to do. For $60, I will spray paint the entire car black, and then cover it with scotch tape so it is shiny. I'll also throw in a VHS of Jurassic Park I taped off of TBS 5 years ago. Includes many classic "retro" commercials that you don't see on TV anymore. A collector's goldmine!

SHANIQUA ************* to Me
NO THANKS TRY SOMEONE ELSE.I'VE ALREADY MADE A DEAL WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEY WILL BE BRINGING ME THE TRUCK TOMORROW MORNING.

Me to SHANIQUA *************
WAIT! Before you make that deal, check out the new, REPAINTED Explorer. I repainted it a nice shiny blue. Please check out the picture and reconsider!

Attachment:

http://dontevenreply.com/images/repainted_explorer.GIF
2/25/12 7:20 PM
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Bravo1
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. Phone Post
2/25/12 7:23 PM
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Rocky Dennis
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 those r hilarios
2/25/12 7:24 PM
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Canadian Eh
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Ttt Phone Post
2/25/12 7:27 PM
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Troll Hunter10
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Awesome Phone Post
2/25/12 7:37 PM
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Abli83
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Gold Phone Post
2/25/12 7:56 PM
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Sub'd Phone Post
2/25/12 8:18 PM
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2/25/12 8:36 PM
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villageidiot
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the jeep comanche one was the hardest i've laughed all year.
2/25/12 9:21 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Ttt Phone Post
2/25/12 9:38 PM
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beekman
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Who is the Mike? Judging by the towns he posted, I must live within 2 minutes of him. Phone Post
2/25/12 9:45 PM
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Gino_Corona
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Lmfao sub'd Phone Post
2/25/12 9:53 PM
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FloridaStriker
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how would i post those on facebook?
2/25/12 10:15 PM
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thesmugrichard
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Yes lol in Phone Post
2/25/12 10:19 PM
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Gold! Phone Post
2/25/12 10:21 PM
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6mildollarman
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Lol subbed! Phone Post
2/25/12 10:59 PM
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BeardedLesnar
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Dear lord that shit is funny Phone Post
2/25/12 11:06 PM
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Nameless1
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. Phone Post
2/26/12 12:39 AM
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Sub for mire legitl lols Phone Post
2/26/12 12:46 AM
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Brilliance! Phone Post
2/26/12 12:47 AM
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cjtwich16
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For later Phone Post
2/26/12 1:03 AM
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stobe
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lol!

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