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2/26/12 8:57 PM
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ZeRoTZ
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Xbox Repairman

Posted at: 2010-01-08 12:16:03

Original ad: Broken Xbox 360? Red ring of death? Disc-read error? No problem! We repair broken Xbox 360s for $50 or less. Call or email ***-***-2811 or **********@comcast.net

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Hello,

I sure hope you will be able to help me. I'm not sure what is wrong with my Xbox but it will not turn on. I've tried plugging it in to a bunch of different outlets, but none of them seem to work. Do you think you can help?

Thanks,

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

Hi Mike,

The outlet most likely has nothing to do with why your system won't turn on.

I certainly can help you though. I will rectify your xbox and can have it back to you in a week or so depending on the problem. Do you live in the area or would you like to ship the console?

Dean

From Me to Dean ******:

Oh my god, you are sick! I will not let you do that unspeakable act to my Xbox. I always knew that the internet is full of freaks and sexual deviants, but you have reached a new low. I thought your ad was for Xbox repairs, but I have been horribly mistaken.

From Dean ****** to Me:

Mike,

I'm not sure what you think I was saying. To rectify is to repair or mend something that is broken. I was only trying to tell you that I would repair your Xbox. I am sorry for any misunderstanding.

Dean

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

Don't lie to me. I know what rectify means, and the fact that you want to do it with an Xbox is disgusting. I can't even imagine how it is possible to do it with something that big, or what kind of pleasure that could possibly bring to a pervert like you. Regardless, I want my Xbox to be fixed, not to be violated and returned to me covered in ass hairs and feces. I will just mail it back to where I bought it and hope that the warranty is not void.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

You clearly don't know the definition of rectify. I assure you I only want to fix your system.

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

I don't even want to know what you mean by "fix my system." Leave me alone before I call the police, you pervert.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

I mean I am going to solve the problem that is causing your Xbox 360 to not turn on. That is all.

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

Even if you did return it to me and it worked, I would never be able to look at my Xbox the same way. There will always be the thought in the back of my mind that you took it and violated it.

I am going to post an ad warning other unsuspecting victims about the true disgusting motive behind your ad. What you are doing is sick.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

If you do that then I will post an ad explaining that you are a fucking idiot that doesn't know what "rectify" means. Go fuck yourself. Phone Post
2/26/12 10:07 PM
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I am Juan Eli Manning
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Later Phone Post
2/26/12 10:23 PM
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Sheldonite
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Subwoofers Phone Post
2/26/12 10:31 PM
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Marco808
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Dude is brilliant.

Someone get him on here. This is how to troll.
2/26/12 10:53 PM
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Tru
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MMAPrime.TV, Host
 ttt i spent a day reading that entire website while back
2/26/12 10:57 PM
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SilverBackStrong
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TTT Phone Post
2/26/12 11:51 PM
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DoctorVanNostran
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Ttt Phone Post
2/26/12 11:53 PM
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NAzHunter
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sub Phone Post
2/27/12 12:04 AM
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JayBird
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. Phone Post
2/27/12 12:19 AM
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Nitecrawler
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Later. Phone Post
2/27/12 12:30 AM
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behzad
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I havent laughed that hard in a while Phone Post
2/27/12 12:36 AM
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Dr VanNostrand
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Sub Phone Post
2/27/12 1:48 AM
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smellslikefishtasteslikechicken
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These are great and I would hate to be the guy that says this but fuck , come on...these ads are fake as shit ! I really hope that they aren't but Idk sometimes the responses just seem fake . I really hope it's real cause that's some funny shit Phone Post
2/27/12 2:50 AM
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JKING
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Good shit! Phone Post
2/27/12 3:19 AM
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Edelweiss
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Funny, but I tend to agree that some are made up. Oh well, still makes me smile. Phone Post
2/27/12 3:23 AM
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Kaerki
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Old but gold, good job op Phone Post
2/27/12 3:55 AM
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shootfightermike
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 lol
2/27/12 4:00 AM
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Fazzle
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TTT Phone Post
2/27/12 4:11 AM
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Da playmaker17
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Sub Phone Post
2/27/12 4:22 AM
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Jaybrone
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 OMFG this is awesome.
2/27/12 4:26 AM
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Jaybrone
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 I haven't read the whole thing but is this the same guy who did the cinderblock post? That shit was awesome.
2/27/12 4:28 AM
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CantHitDaSpida
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this threads better than the guy who shit behind a dumpster thread and that was a damn good thread Phone Post
2/27/12 4:42 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Wood Chipper Rental

Posted at: 2009-12-23 11:41:39

Original ad: 670cc commercial wood chipper/shredder for sale. Little bit of rust but works great. Contact Joe - ***********@gmail.com $4000 OBO

From Me to ***********@gmail.com:

Hi Joe,

Is the wood chipper still for sale?

Thanks,

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

Yes, I still have the wood chipper.

From Me to Joe ******:

I don't have $4000, but what I do have is $200 and a need for use of a wood chipper for about half an hour. Would I be able to rent it from you for $200?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

I don't see why not. What are you using it for?

From Me to Joe ******:

Don't worry about that. So would I be able to swing by and pick it up in my truck, then bring it back about an hour later? I can leave my driver's license as collateral.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

First you need to tell me what the chipper is being used for or you can find someone else.

From Me to Joe ******:

Okay, I'll try to explain my situation. My cat just had a litter of kittens, and I can't get rid of them. I tried giving them to my friends and putting ads online, but nobody wants them. I even tried releasing them into the wild but they keep coming back to my house. I can't stand these little fuckers pissing everywhere and clawing up my furniture. So I figure my next option is to put them down. I can't afford to have it done professionally, so I think a wood chipper would be the next most humane way. I looked up your model and saw it has a 6 inch input, which I think will be perfect for me.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

.......................................wow. No.

From Me to Joe ******:

Why not? It is an easy $200 for you. Can't you just pretend I took it to mulch some wood?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

No. You are a sick sick sick sick sick person.

From Me to Joe ******:

I'll give you $250 and throw in a free kitten (not mulched, of course). Plus, I thought about my plan some more, and I decided to put meow mix all around the input, and just leave the kittens near it. That way, if they get shredded, it is their own damn fault, and my hands are clean.

Mike Phone Post
2/27/12 4:50 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Posts: 690
Barely Legal Little League

Posted at: 2009-11-25 02:31:59

Original ad: We are a little league team looking for a sponsor for the upcoming season. Email if you are interested in helping out. Thanks!

From Me to ********@***********.org

Good afternoon,

I came across your ad looking for a sponsor for your little league team. I am interested if you still need one. Let me know, and we can discuss the details.

Thanks, Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Hey Mike, My name is Joe. I have been the coach of this team and greatly appreciate the offer. We still do need a sponsor and I would like to hear what you have to offer. The league will not start up again until mid-April so we will have some time. Let me know what you were thinking for sponsorship, you can email or call me anytime at (***)***-**** Thanks, Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

Joe,

I am glad to hear you are still interested. I would like to have my company name on your team's uniform and fence sign. How much would it cost to do this?

Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Hi Mike, The cost to fully sponsor our team would be $800. It would cover ordering the jerseys and equipment. At the end of the season you will be recognized at our ceremony and will receive a framed photo of the team and your own uniform. What is your company's name and do you have a website?Thanks, Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

That sounds reasonable Joe. I am the founder of an adult film company called BarelyLegalSuperSluts. We specialize in 18+ amateur pornography and I would like to get our name out there. We plan on lanuching our site around April, so I think the timing would be perfect with your league. I can forward you our logo and we will discuss designs for the uniforms.

Mike

From Joe ********* to Me:

Mike, Do you realize this sponsorship is for a little league team?Joe

From Me to Joe *********:

Yes, you told me that. I think it is great that I'll be able to help kids enjoy America's greatest pastime.

From Joe ********* to Me:

and you honestly expect a bunch of kids to be sporting a jersey that says Barely Legal Super Sluts?

From Me to Joe *********:

Is it too long to fit on the jersey? We could just call them the Super Sluts for short as long as the sign on the field included the link to our website.

From Joe ********* to Me:

No that isn't the problem. This team is for kids and we can't have them wearing shirts that say Super Sluts on them. It is highly offensive and the league most likely wouldn't even allow it.

From Me to Joe *********:

How about we call them the Barely Legal Little Leaguers? I would include a free copy of our Super Sluts Slurping Loads DVD for every parent that attends the game. The DVD features over 3 hours of sluts with hilarious outtakes and alternate endings. I could even have a few of our stars come out and mud wrestle during the 7th inning stretch. I think it could pull in a lot more of an audience for your little league.

From Joe ********* to Me:

No! Thats even worse! Look Mike I appreciate you trying to help our team out but this is absolutely the wrong place to be advertising your porn. If you would still like to contribute you can but we cannot have your company name associated with our team.

From Me to Joe *********:

If this is how you treat every sponsor that wants to help your team out, you will never get any money. Sooner or later you are going to have to whore yourself out to someone, which is a valuable lesson learned in my Big Sluts: Big Loads DVD. I could give that one out to the parents instead, due to the educational value.

From Joe ********* to Me:

You just dont quit do you? Aint happening so go to hell! Phone Post
2/27/12 4:53 AM
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ZeRoTZ
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Posts: 691
Minesweeper

Posted at: 2009-11-04 10:31:31

Original ad: Need your lawn mowed? I own a Ride-on mower and offer professional mowing for an affordable price. Price is generally $30 per hour based on services. I offer discounts for larger plots of land. E-mail or call me to discuss.

***************@gmail.com (302)-***-****

From Me to ***************@gmail.com:

Hey,

My yard is 5 acres and I would like to work out some kind of regular mowing schedule. How much will you charge for five acres? Do you come weekly? Please let me know.

Thanks,

Mike

From Rob ***** to Me:

Hey Mike. Where do you live? Yes, I come weekly. I charge by the hour, but a rough estimate would be around $45 depending on if you want me to do trimming as well.

From Me to Rob *****:

Sounds good Rob. I'm located off of Naaman's road, near the 202 intersection. I would like you to trim around my sidewalk and patio, so I guess you should factor that into the price. I just need you to sign a waiver before you mow my lawn for the first time. Let me know when you would be able to do this.

Thanks,

Mike

From Rob ***** to Me:

Why do you need me to sign a waiver?

From Me to Rob *****:

The last couple of dumbass landscapers I had working for me sued me for injuries that were their own fault. I am just covering my ass so I don't have to deal with these damn settlements anymore. As long as you use common sense, the waiver won't even have to come into play.

From Rob ***** to Me:

Forgive me for asking but how were they injured? I find it peculiar that you have been sued by landscapers.

From Me to Rob *****:

Well, let me just say that I inherited this property from my grandfather when he passed away. He was a war veteran and a little bit eccentric when it came to guns. Long story short, he buried a bunch of land mines in his backyard. I had no idea until the first idiot mowing my lawn ran over one and it exploded. He lost his right leg and then sued me like a little whining baby, claiming it was my fault.

The waiver pretty much says you won't sue me if you hurt yourself by detonating a mine.

From Rob ***** to Me:

Why would anyone in their right mind agree to that? He had every right to sue you. There is no reason for land mines in Delaware.

From Me to Rob *****:

Like I said, just use common sense and don't run over the mines. They are Valmara 69 mines, so you can see a bunch of little prongs poking out of the ground. Just drive your lawn mower around any if you see them. There might not even be any left. Some could even be duds - these are very old mines. Just forget about the mines and sign the waiver. I don't work on Wednesday, we can meet then to sign the papers.

From Rob ***** to Me:

I will never agree to this. Not in a million years. I don't know who you should call but it is definitely not a landscaper.

From Me to Rob *****:

You said you had a ride-on mower, right?These are anti-personnel mines, not anti-tank mines. Meaning your mower can probably withstand the blast. The mines weren't made to disable enemy German lawnmowers. The jackass that blew his leg off was using a self-propelled mower. How about this: you can just sign the waiver for personal injury. I'll cover the cost of repairs if the mine ends up damaging your mower.

From Rob ***** to Me:

I value my life, so no thanks. If you ask me, I think you are the jackass for expecting anyone to mow your lawn given the circumstances.

From Me to Rob *****:

Apparently they just don't make landscapers like they used to anymore. I remember when landscaping was a real man's job, and there was no lawn that couldn't be mowed. Now everyone is such a little bitch about everything. "Waaaahhh! I dont want my wittle wawn mower to bwow up!" Would you sue me if a bee stung you while you were mowing my lawn, or if you got mauled by fire ants? Do I have to go to court if you forget to wear a jacket and catch a cold while mowing my lawn? C'mon man, suck it up and do your job.

From Rob ***** to Me:

Dear Mike,

Fuck you.

Rob Phone Post

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