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SupportGround >> Fiance decided we need a part part 2


8/16/12 8:30 AM
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BaconRage
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 Trying to put this in the support ground, so if it isn't mods please move it.

Here is the link to the start ( I think I suck the internetz): http://www.mixedmartialarts.com/?go=forum_framed.frame&thread=1937160&page=1

So to continue.  I made the original thread last Friday, she never texted me back that day.  I went to bed to hope for a better tomorrow and at midnight I'm woken up by her jumping on me crying and saying she's so sorry she never wants to leave my side again she'll always be there.  That night she went out with a group of people from work who she wanted to be friends with well turns out they are all big drug users (we both never have done anything as far as drugs go) And then she said it turned into an orgy.  Her boss kept trying to slide his hand up her dress and get under her shirt, kiss her, make her touch him etc.  Said that if she told anyone he knows people that will kill for him.  But she said she stopped it and left and came to me.

She was a mess, We both cried alot that night I was just happy to have her back and know she didn't fuck anyone.  We were together until Sunday night when I had a hockey game.  She cried because she never wanted to be apart from me, even changed her phone number so they couldn't get to her.  Also Sunday we're talking about stuff to do down the road not like marrage or things like that but what bowling leagues to join (we both bowl deal with it.)

Monday I'm still upset she keeps trying to comfort me, but in my mind I know we're going to be ok.  I'm going to Vegas next summer for a business thing and she was going to come, she said lets just get married there I don't want a big wedding or any wedding at all really.  I said the thought crossed my mind, not a no not a yes.

Tuesday,starts out the same as Monday, we get together after work and go bowling.  I just tell her how I'm feeling and she says the samething she'll never leave me it's going to be ok, she'll never hurt me again.  Then we're back at her house hanging out in bed and she says I still think about the baby everyday and a piece of me died that day too.  I tell her I know it's hard it's only been a month It will get better it was a trama talk to me I had no idea you were hurting like this let me support you.  So she calms down and the rest of the time we were together that night was normal.  Until I went home we start texting again and she said she thought tonight felt super fake (I have didn't fake anything) so we talk more about the baby and it ends with both of us crying and her wanting to come over again at midnight but we're both tired so I say just go to sleep and I'll see you right after work.

Yesterday, good all day.  I'm pretty much over what had happened last Friday and just want to be there to support her.  I go over her house, everythings fine. 9 o'clock comes around and she just seems off, said she's tired which I believe so I say goodnight and go home.  When I get there she texts me saying she can't sleep annd doesn't know if we're going to work and more baby stuff, I do my best to support her but idk doesn't feel resolved.  But we move on to work and how she is going back to the job where her boss tried to semi rape her?  I'm not happy but I just stay supportive.  We say goodnight, she texts me this morning saying how she didn't sleep at all last night just stayed up thinking.  I'm expecting her to say how she needs me and everything again because she's talking to me but no it's the opposite "the last thing i want to so ia hurt you but i really can't do this anymore I'm so so sorry" More texts back and forth me asking why and trying to change her mind but I think it's really over now OG
8/16/12 8:31 AM
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BaconRage
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 To everyone who says just go out with friends surround yourself with friends.  I've never been good socially, she was my only true friend.
8/16/12 9:39 AM
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egundy
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Something is fishy with her(boss) story. I think you are better off moving on. Good luck.
8/16/12 9:43 AM
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BaconRage
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I have the best family, I really do I'm always around them, we hang out all the time.  But I have no where to turn outside of my family now, I've lost my partner and my best friend.  I feel so alone.

8/16/12 9:47 AM
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egundy
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Dude I have thought more about it and it sounds like she already had sex with the boss.

If you have family go to them, nothing wrong with that. That's what family is for. And for what it's worth if you have no friends you have this place.
8/16/12 11:08 AM
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cthlcschlgrl
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Hang in there buddy.
8/16/12 11:14 AM
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BaconRage
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 Besides the OG, the only person I've told so far is my dad he seemed pretty upset about it too, obviously not like I am but I guess he just hates seeing his son crushed like this.
8/16/12 11:22 AM
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egundy
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Talk to your dad about it more. Let it out. I'm sure your dad has been there. Every guy has pretty much been there.
Hang in there man.
8/16/12 11:24 AM
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Card
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I knew it was work related... I've dated a waitress.
8/16/12 11:26 AM
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Leigh
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Agree with egundy. It seemed almost obvious from your post.
8/16/12 11:34 AM
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DMC
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BaconRage - 

I have the best family, I really do I'm always around them, we hang out all the time.  But I have no where to turn outside of my family now, I've lost my partner and my best friend.  I feel so alone.


I feel really bad for you having read that post but I've been there and it just 'feels' like you're alone when you're dumped like that. You're not.

FWIW I also think there's something very fishy about her story but the reality is trying to get to the bottom of it will not help you.

Let her go and don't look back. YOU still have your dignity so for God's sake keep that.

And it gets easier. Hard to believe now but it does and sooner than you think.
8/16/12 11:39 AM
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Sogsteel
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Send flowers to her at work without a name attached to them. See how she responds.
8/16/12 11:41 AM
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CrazyJoeDavola
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 Dragging this on longer and longer is just prolonging the pain.  Gotta treat this shit like a band-aid...right off in one quick pull and be done with it.  I know you don't want to face this, but her actions and stories don't add up.  There is a great deal to the story you're not aware of. 

If your family is your support system, be around your family as much as they'll let you.  But don't torture your self with this girl any more.  This isn't an uncommon occurance, everyone has had to break up with a girl they thought was the world, or everything, whathaveyou.  It's tough to understand in the present, but time heals all.  One day you'll look back and realize this was for the best.  Best of luck.
 
8/16/12 11:44 AM
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BaconRage
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egundy - Talk to your dad about it more. Let it out. I'm sure your dad has been there. Every guy has pretty much been there.
Hang in there man.

 I semi wish I could, it hurts to talk about it, but right now the bigger issue is we run a pretty successful company and we're the only 2 in the office so sometimes it's impossible to talk about anything with phones ringing and people comming in.  I'm stuck right now
8/16/12 11:44 AM
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JoeBoxer212
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She needs to get into counseling asap. And you both should find a good premarital counselor. A lot of times women will blame themselves for losing a baby in term and all sorts of guilt, shame, blame make them feel that something is wrong with them.

As for the boss, I doubt anyone would kill for him. Sounds like a predator. But your fiance is living in a lot of fear and shame. Need to deal with those issues.

8/16/12 11:44 AM
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DMC
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And when I said 'very fishy' I mean outrageous BS.

Let me put it this way - marriage material does not innocently and inadvertently stumble into a drugs and sex orgy and get molested by her boss. It doesn't happen.

Also, she may have been high when she came to see you that night. It kinda sounds like it. If you've never been around people on drugs you might not be able to tell.
8/16/12 11:49 AM
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DMC
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BaconRage - 
egundy - Talk to your dad about it more. Let it out. I'm sure your dad has been there. Every guy has pretty much been there.
Hang in there man.

 I semi wish I could, it hurts to talk about it, but right now the bigger issue is we run a pretty successful company and we're the only 2 in the office so sometimes it's impossible to talk about anything with phones ringing and people comming in.  I'm stuck right now

Your young and doing well financially - that's awesome. Plus being busy is a life-saver at times like these.

Keep your chin up.
8/16/12 12:26 PM
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egundy
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CrazyJoeDavola -  Dragging this on longer and longer is just prolonging the pain.  Gotta treat this shit like a band-aid...right off in one quick pull and be done with it.  I know you don't want to face this, but her actions and stories don't add up.  There is a great deal to the story you're not aware of. 

If your family is your support system, be around your family as much as they'll let you.  But don't torture your self with this girl any more.  This isn't an uncommon occurance, everyone has had to break up with a girl they thought was the world, or everything, whathaveyou.  It's tough to understand in the present, but time heals all.  One day you'll look back and realize this was for the best.  Best of luck.
 

This^^^^^^^

Think of your health for a second BR. You are driving yourself into a bad place. Stressing your mind and body over a girl that banged or sucked off your boss and who knows how many co-workers.

You got tons of solid advise from your thread on the OG. People care about you and what your going through, but many here have spoken the truth about the kind of woman you're dealing with.

Ask your dad to go out for a beer after work or something and blow off some steam. Or ask if he can make some time after work cause you need someone to talk to. Ask him if he's ever been in the same or similar situation.

8/16/12 12:55 PM
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BaconRage
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 I'm supposed to play hockey tonight, I'm on a team with my brother and guys I play football with.  I ithnk the distraction will be good but on the other hand I just want to sit on the couch I don't know how useful I'll be anyway
8/16/12 1:00 PM
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BaconRage
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egundy - 
CrazyJoeDavola -  Dragging this on longer and longer is just prolonging the pain.  Gotta treat this shit like a band-aid...right off in one quick pull and be done with it.  I know you don't want to face this, but her actions and stories don't add up.  There is a great deal to the story you're not aware of. 

If your family is your support system, be around your family as much as they'll let you.  But don't torture your self with this girl any more.  This isn't an uncommon occurance, everyone has had to break up with a girl they thought was the world, or everything, whathaveyou.  It's tough to understand in the present, but time heals all.  One day you'll look back and realize this was for the best.  Best of luck.
 

This^^^^^^^

Think of your health for a second BR. You are driving yourself into a bad place. Stressing your mind and body over a girl that banged or sucked off your boss and who knows how many co-workers.

You got tons of solid advise from your thread on the OG. People care about you and what your going through, but many here have spoken the truth about the kind of woman you're dealing with.

Ask your dad to go out for a beer after work or something and blow off some steam. Or ask if he can make some time after work cause you need someone to talk to. Ask him if he's ever been in the same or similar situation.


 I know this is solid advice and the truth, but it's just hard to hear right now.  I understand she's having a tough time about the baby, but why won't she let me help her?  Why is she insisting on doing this alone?  I said she should see a therapist and that I'd go with her or not whatever would be better.  She said it's something she has to deal with on her own.  Isn't this pretty much an exact reason therapists are around?
8/16/12 1:04 PM
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CrazyJoeDavola
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 You can't make somebody get help.  You're also assuming her issues are just with what you know about.  It's tough.  It's always tough.  Gut-wrenching even.  However, you've got to focus all of your efforts on mending YOURSELF, and moving on.  It's a tough move to make when you're in the middle of everything; but there is a lot of solid advise here.
8/16/12 1:07 PM
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kingjames100
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MOVE ON, BRO.

8/16/12 1:58 PM
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mr biggelsworth
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DMC - And when I said 'very fishy' I mean outrageous BS.

Let me put it this way - marriage material does not innocently and inadvertently stumble into a drugs and sex orgy and get molested by her boss. It doesn't happen.

Also, she may have been high when she came to see you that night. It kinda sounds like it. If you've never been around people on drugs you might not be able to tell.

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

It sucks that we have to face our fears in life, but avoiding our fears only makes it worse. You are who and what you surround yourself with, what you think and do. You were brave enough to step into a cage to fight a trained opponent so you are 100% brave enough to face this issue.

This sounds cheesy, but his video from 2:40 to 3:30 really is a great life lesson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfnJqqrxFe8

8/16/12 2:10 PM
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cthlcschlgrl
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BaconRage -  I'm supposed to play hockey tonight, I'm on a team with my brother and guys I play football with.  I ithnk the distraction will be good but on the other hand I just want to sit on the couch I don't know how useful I'll be anyway

  You should absolutely go and not sit at home on the couch.

You NEED distractions and this is a perfect one as you will be surrounded by friends and family.
8/16/12 2:16 PM
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egundy
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BR I know it's tough to hear this shit. Have fun tonight and take it one day at a time. Keep us posted, we're all pulling for you!

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