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8/28/12 7:21 PM
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Demitrius Barbito
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Dig it or hate...


*Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Another school year has just begun. This verse, in total scriptural context, reminds me that I, as a father, am responsible for my children's training and instruction to a large degree.

The misguided American and even Christian evangelical approach is this:

Dad - Leave the house every morning to go earn money. Come home and be left alone. Golf on the weekend.

Mom - Get kids off to school in the morning. Clean and do laundry. Make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Shop for food. Help kids with homework. Be available to your husband.

Kids - Manipulate and argue with mom. Fear dad.

Family - Go to church on Sunday. Send a check to tax deductible charity organizations. Enjoy two weeks paid vacation every year.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Now... I'm not condemning this routine. I would like to point out that this has not always been the cycle. Nor is this "way" optimal.

Before the industrial revolution (1750 to 1850)  both parents usually worked together and raised the children together. If the father was a baker the mother was his assistant or vice/versa. If they owned a store they both worked there and lived upstairs.

The industrial revolution really broke the back of the traditional family and caused a change that resulted in resentment in the parents and disconnection in the children.

Husband - Angry/stressed that ALL THE MONEY MAKING is done by him. It's all on his shoulders.


He has trouble appreciating her work at home while she has trouble appreciating his work outside the home (because neither is dying to themselves daily and forgoing their needed for glory while showering the other with charitable appreciation).

Kids - Disconnected from their father since he leaves home and works 8-12 hour days. Frustrated with their mother for her obvious anger/lack of satisfaction/lack of recognition by the father - which comes through in her manner of care (everything from words to body language).

Paul is reminding us that (even in todays world) fathers have a job to do when it comes to child rearing. Mothers need to understand that and allow fathers to be involved and not have an attitude of "Hey, I've got this. You just go to work and make money". Fathers need to be gentle, as Paul says, and understand that mothers may be territorial with this area. Both need to focus on Glorifying God through their children WITHOUT using them as ambassadors for their family. They ARE NOT YOUR AMBASSADORS - they are children. This also applies to adult children.

And fathers (moms too) DO NOT hit them over the head with HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER. It doesn't mean what most of you think.

The 10 commandments are ABSOLUTE. They can never be violated. A whole civilization could be built upon them. So there can be no ambiguities. God does not glorify the parental role AT THE EXPENSE of the child.


*Love your mother and father. Some parents are evil and unloveable.

*Obey your mother and father. What if they demanded that you deny the Christian faith and became an agnostic?

In Ephesians 6:1 The word used for children is YOUNGSTERS/KIDS - not adult children.

*Remain under their authority. Some parents are very unstable and to remain under their authority would be destructive to the child and subsequent generations.

The commandment says "HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER". Which means to treat them with respect and show them long term loyalty toward their well being.

Raise your children with this in mind SO THAT YOU CREATE IN THEM the ability to HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER.
9/12/12 3:12 PM
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Cool post

Overlooked it I guess Phone Post
9/16/12 11:10 AM
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 My mother is a schizophrenic. She was very abusive in alot of ways. My Dad was a decent guy but largely irrelevant growing up due to conflict with my mother. They divorced at 14 and it was the beginning of a very destructive period. 

Though my mother suffers from mental illness, she is NOT excused for her actions towards other people. I haven't spoken to her in 15 years. She just disappeared. She did that twice before and I found her both times. Last time she left, she was causing trouble, harassing my new wife and newborn son. I told her to buzz off till she got help. Never heard from her again.

I say this to say that in some ways, I know how NOT to behave with my son. I refuse to accept that excuse that I learned this from my father so I can't help the way I raise you. Bullshit. People need to do the right thing by their kids and if they don't know what to do there are tremendous resources on parenting. I'm pretty easy on my son though he thinks that I'm a hardass. Basically, dont lie cheat steal do drugs or disrespect old people and laziness is not an option. At 16, I now understand that raising a teenager is a whole other ballgame than a little kid. If you don't have teenagers, be prepared to get humbled in your parenting abilities and theories. But I think it will all work out in the end but there are no guarantees.
9/17/12 12:29 PM
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I would like to see someone do a piece on shitty mothers. There are many of them out there but no one ever says anything about that.
9/17/12 1:44 PM
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zealot66, sorry to hear of your situation. That certainly would be difficult to deal with. =(

I have to say though, that it was largely my family situation that caused me to stop believing in the god of the Bible. It's interesting how our childhood shapes us way down the road isn't it?
9/17/12 4:50 PM
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in spite of being a writer of all sorts of things, I have never chronicled the life I spent with my mother. Its painful and dredges up things that were dealt with and buried as far as my self would allow. It took 18 years to endure it and about 18 years to be rid of it. 

I agree about women and mothers. Women can be some of the cruelest things on earth. They have a unique power over children because they are the mother and when that person who is supposed to foster you and make you grow like a garden literally intentionally spread poison that is slow acting and consistently do things to sabotage your life, you begin  to distrust everyone. I border and have borderred on misogyny. My wife is the polar opposite of my mom, thats probably why when we met, we never not because I wasn't interested in being with other women it was just that there was no guarantee that I would find another girl that was like she is. It has caused issues in the past but we are solid. 

My hatred of women is muchmuch less than it was and I've always been willing to enjoy the carnal pleasures of women but I cannot and will not ever be mistreated by a woman ever. So much I could say about mothers, mental illness and culpability of people regardless of it.

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