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SupportGround >> First real relationship in years, ended today.


10/18/12 1:16 PM
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Road Warrior Fin
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Member Since: 1/1/01
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How do you know if you are doing the right thing?

I keep on thinking to myself I may be letting something good pass my by but she has pushed too much "insta-father" (single mother) and has pushed it too much in the start of everything.

Her insecurities keep on coming because I travel for work and I am not by any stretch in a permanent position in my life and she knows this.  Today, she bought the insecurities back up and I decided I'm not going to fight it and agreed with her.

I'm 31, she is 32.  She has a great job, a friend said she was an 8, has two kids and fresh off a divorce from a year ago and hasn't really seriously dated anyone.

Me?  I'm a world traveller, I love going on adventures of sorts and my career is one that requires travel and/or moving depending on what is happening at the current time.  She got lucky since I've been home for the last 3 months and was able to see me more than I usually can give.

All of this talk centers around:  The conservative single mother lifestyle, home, etc., - while I'm more of a free-spirit, live like a college kid of sorts.

My friends and family have pressued me because they think I'm sad and lonley, which is not true at all.  I've even got a nasty comment from a sister-in-law about me never being happy until I have it to share with someone *roll eyes*

My feelings are just not into it to fight this, or to give her some kind of golden shiny guarentee that I'll always be around.  My own survival in life is based upon me being able to move for work which I have in the past and which will most likely happen again in the future.

She just sees it ending in heartbreak, and I cannot in good faith tell her that it won't.  Why lie?

 

So after talking with my sister saying "I hope you don't make a mistake, animal attraction isn't all that it is cracked up to be and this is the first good classy girl that has gotten along with the family and cares about you."

Hearing that fucks with my head but - I've just never been into it as much as she has and I don't think I can ever give her the 100% that she is going to expect.  I'm an introvert, she is an extrovert, while my type (istj) knows that I cannot communicate my feelings all to well I know enough to make sure someone is happy.  My levels of wanting to make sure she is happy has been tiring and I don't feel like I can go on with it.

Someone just yell at me or something, I'm clueless and starting to listen to the song "desperado" sigh.

10/18/12 8:07 PM
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BrunoMcGyver
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Member Since: 5/8/11
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It seems like you wre both very different people largely given your cicumstances. She's a mother of 2 kids and they were probably what she lives for most. You, as you say, are a free-spirit who was always grappling with trying to keep a harmonius balance between putting your interests and hers at the forefront.

You're not old man, you still have years ahead. You say your family and friends think you're sad and lonely - Are you really or are they just saying that because they think you should be like them and settle down with a lady? At the end of the day you should do what makes you happy. You have to live with yourself every minute of the day, not anyone else.

Anyway mate, chin up and try to remember the good times.

10/21/12 9:07 PM
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homegrowncone
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Member Since: 3/1/09
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Ya to be honest man it doesn't sound like either are you are at a point in your lives that is compatible with where the other is.  While some of the personality differences between you two could certainly help you both grow if you are open to and willing to learning new things it seems like there are fundemental living practices that you just don't mesh with.

That's not to say you won't in the future, but at the same time you don't want to invest a whole lot of time and effort into something which (if I'm reading your subtext correctly) you're already fairly certain won't work out anyways.

Best of luck sir, I'm sure you'll find the right person just keep on looking.

10/24/12 3:21 PM
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YoungGunABKJ
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bro follow your heart. dont just jump in head first. if you do that and your not ready it wont last anyway. you won't be able to giver her/kids your all for them

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