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Hawai'i Underground >> so my new neighbor is a model...


12/1/12 12:41 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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...a PLUS SIZED model named Ivory May.  and she claims to be from Hilo.  says she knows BJ, JD, and the rest of Penn ohana.  surprised?

btw, she looks ALOT better in pics.  in the communal hallway of our floor she looks like a blonde she-squatch.  she's gotta be 6'3 in heels and she's wide as a door, thick as a couch.

12/1/12 12:44 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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also sad to report that Ivory took over the apartment formerly occupied by sex-author Anna David.   Anna moved to L.A.  major downgrade from Anna to Ivory.


12/1/12 1:13 PM
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FCTV808
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that looks like it could get awful stinky. kusai
12/1/12 3:12 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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but are you man enough to mount a behemoth like her?
12/1/12 4:11 PM
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fnunderful
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IN!
12/1/12 7:50 PM
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JIMMYNAKS
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FCTV808 - that looks like it could get awful stinky. kusai
My thoughts exactly Phone Post
12/1/12 7:50 PM
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JIMMYNAKS
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So how was it Pat? Phone Post
12/1/12 8:26 PM
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FCTV808
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PatrickFreitas - but are you man enough to mount a behemoth like her?

i don't think i can man myself through the smell fren
12/1/12 8:29 PM
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fnunderful
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whiskey will help!
12/1/12 8:57 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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fnunderful - whiskey will help!

she has a part time gig as a brand ambassador for Makers Mark, so she's equipped with whiskey.
12/1/12 9:03 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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JIMMYNAKS -  So how was it Pat? Phone Post

wet like the log ride at knotts berry farms?
12/1/12 10:19 PM
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Moke
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I always wondered...when a plus sized model is sitting there eating cheesecake and pizza, does she say she's doing it for her career?

Is there a limit to, "plus"?

Or does plus just mean, "Ah fuck it, just be whatever the fuck already. All limits and normal boundaries for beauty no longer apply to you."
12/3/12 5:24 PM
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shiki31
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No fricken ways she's from Hilo. Never seen her. She would be hard to miss i assume.
I keep picturing those scenes from Deuce Bigalow where he's massaging that huge chick's feet and people are yelling "freak!" And "thats one big bitch!" Phone Post
12/3/12 5:39 PM
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PatrickFreitas
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shiki31 -  No fricken ways she's from Hilo. Never seen her. She would be hard to miss i assume.
I keep picturing those scenes from Deuce Bigalow where he's massaging that huge chick's feet and people are yelling "freak!" And "thats one big bitch!" Phone Post

i get the feeling she lived in hilo for about 2 months, and now she goes around telling everyone she's from hawaii.

i waited 20 years before making such claims.
12/3/12 5:44 PM
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falsecrack
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She lived here for awhile, I'm not sure if 20 years, but definitely longer than two months...we went to the same high school. Last person I would've thought would make a living modeling.

I keep waiting for a classmate to end up in porn...as a result I'm constantly checking the latest clips on youporn
12/3/12 6:22 PM
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FCTV808
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southpark BUTTERs syndrome

SBS
12/3/12 8:17 PM
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Sgt. Slaphead
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I would!

With that much mass, she last a long time in the basement!
12/3/12 8:28 PM
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Moke
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lol
12/3/12 10:15 PM
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Moke
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Edited: 12/03/12 10:34 PM
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Speaking of chicks and local going ons, I saw this girl in Costco about a half hour ago...she looked familiar and had a lesbian vibe to her. I was therfore convinced she must be an aquaintance of one of the wife's many lesbian friends, but I couldn't rememeber her name or context of where I met her...so I tried to avoid her.

I was not successful. She sees me through the crowd and makes a beeline towards me. I again quickly try to calculate where I know her before the embarrassing moment arrives.

She makes her way to me, smiles, parks her cart next to mine, looks inside my cart, focuses on my milk and says, "Where did you find the milk? I've been up and down everywhere looking and I can't find it!"

I laughed and explained to her that now it's in the very rear corner of the store. "Go to the side wall and follow it all the way to the very back corner and you'll find it."

She thanked me and started off with her cart. As she walked away I finally realized who she was and why I couldn't remember meeting her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was Keala Kennelly...who can forget that face?

 

12/4/12 1:48 AM
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Moke
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btw she must heal good, because I didn't even notice a scar.
12/4/12 4:22 AM
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JIMMYNAKS
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I'd Fug that gash Phone Post
12/4/12 4:48 AM
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Moke
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I see what you did there...
12/10/12 10:07 AM
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tjmitch
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I would no doubt climb ontop of the big roller.

Then go out for a big diner breakfast the next morning.
12/10/12 12:18 PM
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FCTV808
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she would be shorter than you tjmitch
12/10/12 6:17 PM
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tjmitch
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Of course she would be shorter than me, I am a full sized milk drinking, meat eating dog smelling northern european. No fast twitch fibers to speak of, but strong as fuck bones.

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