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Pro Wrestling Ground >> PWE WAR IS RAW 2/4/13 (SPOILERS INSIDE)


2/1/13 5:41 PM
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Dos Huevos Gigante
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Good evening, everyone in the PWE Galaxy, and welcome to War is Raw, on the MMA.TV Network!
I'm Cleveland McSteamer, with me as always is PWE Hall of Famer Orangutan Tsunami, WELCOME TO RINGSIDE!

-Grizz comes out wearing his best suit, and cuts a lengthy promo, burying the shit out of everyone, and breaking the fourth wall repeatedly for cheap pops.
Well into the thirty minute mark, Freddy Strong's music hits, and the former Smackdown GM struts down to the ring, and takes the mic from Grizz.


"Now hold on, now, just a little holding on what you need now be doin, Playa!"

The crowd chants "WHAT?" between every sentence, not just to be annoying, they literally have no idea what Strong is saying.

"Now I know you been straight-up like a rocket, jetset rolex gooseduck quackquackquack, but let me tell you what, that strap what you tin can carry-all is coming up for the grabs, you dig now, Playa?"

"WHAT?"

At this months pay-per-view, PWE: UNFINISHED BUSINESS, you're gonna pitty-pat-put that there ten pound coin on the LIZZINE against a number one contender, to be crowned in a battle royale, TONIGHT, Playa!

"WHAT?"

Grizzle snatches the mic back from Freddy, busts out a hot freestyle, drops the mic, and we cut to commercial.

-PWE announces it's anti-bullying campaign has been put on hiatus, after photos surfaced showing PWE's Chairman Kirik McMahon and President Jason Tunney giving wet-willies and wedgies to disabled veterans and special-needs children.

And, we're back and ready for our first match of the evening.

Wee Bey Jr. makes his way out to the ring, accompanied by his Momma. ViolentGuy is already in the ring, and they didn't even give him entrance music. It's looking to be your standard squash match, and Wee takes it to the Violent One, laughing cockily as he clearly does not even see ViolentGuy as a threat. He slings VG into the corner, and goes for his signature move, the MOMMA'S BOY PLUNGE. Nails it, and goes for the one-foot-on the-chest double-bicep flex cover. VG kicks out at 2! WeeBey can't believe it! No one has ever kicked out of the MBP before! He picks up VG, and whips him back in the corner. HE'S GONNA DO IT AGAIN! At the last second, ViolentGuy slips out of the way, having uncovered the middle turnbuckle. Wee Bey full on slams his cock and balls into the exposed steel! ViolentGuy with the quick rollup and a fistful of tights, and VIOLENTGUY PICKS UP THE THREE! Violentguy walks back up the ramp, laughing at Wee Bey Jr, as Wee Bey's Momma tends to his tenders.

-A long vignette of FOG's historic three year tag title reign airs, with some shitty Kid Rock country song playing. This may be foreshadowing something.

-The Wild Turkey rewind shows Dos Huevos Gigante comedically attending AA classes last week, culminating in the whole group going back to drinking after hearing DHG's life story.

Now let's go back to the ring. TheOne is set to take on instantkarma in an I QUIT match! Both go back and forth with a solid offense, lots of chain wrestling and submission attempts, and this is already an early contender for match of the year. Suddenly, the lights go out, and when they come back on, BigBaby642, Mattloveslamp, and Backfist Barnesy are laying waste to both TheOne and instantkarma! Suddenly, DangerBoy12'...I mean MAJOR DALE FUEGO'S music hits, and he slides into the ring. Now it's three on three, and the odds are now even!

Freddy Strongs music hits, and this match has been restarted...AS A SIX MAN TAG MATCH!

Major Dale Fuego starts things off against Backfist, and Backfist gains the upper hand, with all three heels making quick tags, keeping Major Dale Fuego isolated from his corner. Mattloveslamp decides to go high risk, climbing to the top turnbuckle to go for his finisher, the LAMPSHADER! MDF rolls out of the way, and makes the hot tag to TheOne! TheOne comes in, a house afire, as all three heels repeated run into his outstretched fist. It turns into a complete brawl, spilling out onto the outside, and intantkarma slides back into the ring, bounces off the far ropes, and flies over the top rope, nailing the heels with the Karmic Justice Plancha! Fuego throws BigBaby 642 back into the ring, and the faces all hit their finishers, MDF nails the Major Reconstructive Surgery, Instantkarma hits the karmacanrana, and TheOne, still the legal man, hits TheOneTwoThree for the 1,2,3.

We go to commercial as TheOne stares down instantkarma. Clearly they have unfinished business. Freddy Strong comes out, and announces that the two will rematch at this months PPV, PWE: UNFINISHED BUSINESS!

-The Culver's Frozen Custard Butterburger replay shows everything you just saw, but with a commercial in front of it.

It's time for the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER OVER THE TOP ROPE BATTLE ROYAL!

Grizz makes his way over to commentary.


UGCTT_OBEY, OTHREE, ARTMINAJ, NUCKIN FUTS, MYUNCLESCREEPY, WINKY IS WRIGHT, RML, TORUBU, DHG, THEBIGBADBOOTYDADDY, FILTHY TOM LAWLOR, BARAK LESNAR, and ARMBARHEELHOOK make their way to the ring, with only Lawlor getting his own entrance music. It's clear who the brass wants to win this thing.

It's absolute chaos, and everyone teams up immediately to try to take out PWE posterboy Lawlor. They almost have him over the ropes, but he closes his guard around Torubu, making elimination not only impossible, but highly unlikely.

Winky and RML, the legendary tag team FOG, start working in tandem to eliminate the other superstars. FOG toss DHG over the top, but he lands on his neck, keeping his feet off the floor. He crawls around the ring, up the steps, and back into the fray. FOG toss MyUnclesCreepy out, and he is eliminated. He is furious! FOG is cleaning house!

DHG nails Nuckin Futs with the Two Giant Eggplex! Before he can capitalize and throw Nuckin out, DHG is blindsided by ArtMinaj and the devastating crane kick.

ArtMinaj hits the crane kick on Barak Lesnar, but he no-sells it, and clotheslines Art out of the ring. What a dickhead.

Torubu finally passes Lawlor's guard, by getting an awkward boner.

Lawlor takes on OTHREE, and tosses him out with relative ease.

DHG rolls under the bottom rope, and heads for the concession stand, breathing like an asthmatic bulldog.

Bigbadbootydaddy eliminates Barak Lesnar, only to be pulled over by Barak, and the two brawl toward the back.

Nuckin is a one man wrecking crew, and the former champ tosses UGCTTOBEY, Filthy Tom, Torubu, and Armbarheelhook out, and it's down to FOG, Nuckin, and the returning DHG.

DHG is still out of breath, and steps over the top, eliminating himself.

It's FOG vs. Nuckin, and it's 2 on 1! FOG destroy Nuckin for fifteen minutes, but they can't get him over the ropes.

Winky picks up Nuckin, and holds him, so RML can hit him with the Read My Lips superkick. At the last second, Nuckin ducks, and the kick knocks Winky over the top! It's down to two men!

RML is flabbergasted, and Nuckin takes the opportunity to throw RML over, but he hangs on. Winky then grabs RML's
2/1/13 5:45 PM
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Dos Huevos Gigante
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feet, and pulls him off the apron! NUCKIN FUTS IS THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!

Grizz slams down his headset, and storms to the back.

As we go off the air, a tense staredown erupts in punches between brothers.

IS THIS THE END OF FOG?
2/1/13 5:47 PM
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torubu
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I passed Filthy's guard! YES! YES! YES! Phone Post
2/1/13 5:57 PM
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bigironmike79
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torubu - I passed Filthy's guard! YES! YES! YES! Phone Post
I Gotta get in on this. I fancy myself as a younger, more out of shape, Ryback. Except opposite. Always get squashed super jobber. Phone Post
2/1/13 6:18 PM
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Winky is Wright
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2/1/13 7:06 PM
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RML
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Ladies and gentlemen head to PWE.com for an exclusive video where RML addresses the bizarre behavior of his tag team partner Winky during the number 1 contender battle royal on War is Raw.

(Video opens with RML in a dark maintenance room backstage)

After all I've done for your career Winky I'm not even mad... Just disappointed in you. That's right...

I was waiting for the right time to tell you something important but I fear that time will now never come.

You are my s....

(Before RML can finish his sentence he gets attacked by three men in black who keep screaming something about "the field". The three men power bomb RML through a cardboard cutout of DHG... Knocking him out cold. My GOD what was he going to say??? And will these mystery men be forced to pay for that cardboard souvenir???) Phone Post
2/1/13 7:19 PM
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Dos Huevos Gigante
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Slapnutz wasn't at tonight's War is Raw taping due to a contractual dispute. His contract expired yesterday, and PWE Officials felt that putting him on TV at this time would be detrimental to the negotiations.

-Meltzer
2/1/13 7:22 PM
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KZTT_HaliChap
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Well damn son Phone Post
2/1/13 7:25 PM
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torubu
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I will soon prove that my innovative techniques in the ring can conquer even the most precarious of situations! I'm quick on my feet to solve any problem, and bang any of your ladies!

(Wipes a white substance from nose, attempts to strange an innocent bystander with a wire)

YOU CHEAT YOU CHOKE! YOU CHEAT YOU CHOKE! Phone Post
2/1/13 7:34 PM
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MyUnclesCreepy
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"That's right bitches it took to men to eliminate the creepster! Not worried one bit but I'm calling out either member of FOG! Which one of you wastes of sperm want to take me on next week! When your done changing your panties in he ladies change room I'll be waiting here!!! Phone Post
2/1/13 7:35 PM
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MyUnclesCreepy
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*drops mic and breathes heavily* Phone Post
2/1/13 7:49 PM
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Violentguy
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A win is a win! Wee Bey is lucky he didnt have to suffer my dreaded spinning toe blow. The PWE is on notice. Next week I'm blowin a toe! *picks teeth with Wee Bey's Dragon Mommas toe nail* Phone Post
2/1/13 7:49 PM
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mattloveslamp
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(Video opens to MattLovesLamp sitting on a stack of pallets in deep thought. He looks to people off camera and starts to speak)

Mattloveslamp: BigBaby, Backfist, tonight we sent a message. The One and Instantkarma didn't see it coming. We had them right where we wanted them. Those fucks. Then...we encountered a problem. A...MAJOR...problem. Who the hell does Dale Fuego think he is? To run in on our run in? To take our spotlight? To take our glory? This Major dickhead has to be stopped, and we need retaliation! BigBaby, how's that bear trap coming? Did you get the used condoms for the bait?

(Camera pans out to see a man in a suit standing next to him. He's the only one there with MattLovesLamp.)

Mort Goldberg: Matt I'm your accountant, Mort Goldberg. I don't know who you're talking to but we really need to talk. You haven't paid your taxes in 8 years and the IRS are getting miiiiiiigty upset over how much of a schmuck you're being about thi...

MattLovesLamp: QUIET!!! If I want advice on kosher hotdogs I'll come find you! I don't know why I'm yelling! Major Dale Fuego, I'm calling you out! Anytime, anyplace, anywhere! Except Wednesdays, I'm with my mental health doctor then! There's a party in my pants, Major...and you're invited! Because I'm MattLovesLamp. And I love lamp. I love lamp. I LOVE lamp. Phone Post
2/1/13 8:18 PM
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Wee Bey Jr
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@dragonmama: My son @PWEbeyjr went out there and acted a BITCH. @theREALviolentguy, If I see you next week you gon answer to ME!

@PWEbeyjr: @dragonmama ma..... Let me build. Phone Post
2/1/13 8:31 PM
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UGCTT_OBEY
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ugctt sends out a tout

You listen and you listen good what happened tonight was a fluke a mistake a travesty

I am by far the most talented athlete in that locker room if I didn't have surgery on my leg a few months ago I would have won that battle royal with ease

But don't worry my leg should be at 100% by the PPV

And with saying that I am issuing a open challenge to any challenger in the back that thinks they have what it takes to beat me

And I will show them what a true champion looks like

YOU WILL ALL OBEY Phone Post
2/1/13 8:59 PM
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UGCTT_omzzy
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the IC champ didn't even get a mention on air just shows how the guys in the back want to keep the young talent down
2/1/13 9:03 PM
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Wee Bey Jr
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Is there an IC title in the PWE? Phone Post
2/1/13 9:09 PM
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UGCTT_omzzy
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Wee Bey Jr -  Is there an IC title in the PWE? Phone Post

yes i won it in the second rumble but the guys in the back refuse to acknowledge it instead of pushing a hot young star im getting buried
2/1/13 9:09 PM
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Winky is Wright
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Wee Bey Jr -  Is there an IC title in the PWE? Phone Post

no

 

2/1/13 9:15 PM
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UGCTT_omzzy
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Winky is Wright - 
Wee Bey Jr -  Is there an IC title in the PWE? Phone Post

no

 


yes
2/1/13 9:15 PM
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Wee Bey Jr
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Winky is Wright -
Wee Bey Jr -  Is there an IC title in the PWE? Phone Post

no

 

Didn't think so Phone Post
2/1/13 9:23 PM
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UGCTT_omzzy
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UGCTT_OBEY -



VortexMMA new pwf champ

UGCTT_omzzy new int pwf champ





*crowd chants speech*
2/1/13 9:40 PM
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Dos Huevos Gigante
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You didn't post on the buildup thread, or you would have been in the Battle Royal.
2/1/13 9:43 PM
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Barak Lesnar
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Awwww...I always knew I'd be the no-selling dickhead :/
2/1/13 9:56 PM
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UGCTT_omzzy
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Dos Huevos Gigante - You didn't post on the buildup thread, or you would have been in the Battle Royal.

oh okay lol i dont know when to be in character or not but i think haveing the *fake* ic champ would make for a good story

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