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OtherGround Forums >> Chick bragging about not changing last name


4/23/14 5:45 PM
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Zenoplata
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If you're concerned about equality shouldn't it not matter if I call you a man or woman? Or is the fact that you're geting offended show that -you're- the misogynist?
4/23/14 5:45 PM
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KingOfFighters
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Ari2 - 
KingOfFighters - 
Ari2 -
KingOfFighters - 
Ari2 - skewed or not, I don't think most of the alpha clowns on here would be ok wiht taking their wife's name if she out earned him.
Does it make her the leader? Does it make her the head of household ? When a window breaks at 3am is she going to go check it out while hubby sleeps peacefully? Phone Post 3.0

so this is just about who is stronger? the stronger person should have the other person change their name to display their dominance?

I find this laughable, I don't see any reason to worry about my woman's name...unless of course I'm insecure and worried taht people will think she dominates me, then I could see making a big deal about it.
What does running security detail have to do with strength? She can pull a trigger. Phone Post 3.0

so if the women likes to run security, then she doesn't have to take the man's name, and if he doesn't, he should take her name, correct?

how arbitrary

The partner of the head, should take his/her last name. If she can provide, protect, and shelter than sure. House has to be paid 100% by her, he gets to keep it in case of a divorce, as well as majority custody of the kids, woman should pay child support and alimony.
4/23/14 5:49 PM
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Ari2
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KingOfFighters - 
Ari2 - 
KingOfFighters - 
Ari2 -
KingOfFighters - 
Ari2 - skewed or not, I don't think most of the alpha clowns on here would be ok wiht taking their wife's name if she out earned him.
Does it make her the leader? Does it make her the head of household ? When a window breaks at 3am is she going to go check it out while hubby sleeps peacefully? Phone Post 3.0

so this is just about who is stronger? the stronger person should have the other person change their name to display their dominance?

I find this laughable, I don't see any reason to worry about my woman's name...unless of course I'm insecure and worried taht people will think she dominates me, then I could see making a big deal about it.
What does running security detail have to do with strength? She can pull a trigger. Phone Post 3.0

so if the women likes to run security, then she doesn't have to take the man's name, and if he doesn't, he should take her name, correct?

how arbitrary

The partner of the head, should take his/her last name. If she can provide, protect, and shelter than sure. House has to be paid 100% by her, he gets to keep it in case of a divorce, as well as majority custody of the kids, woman should pay child support and alimony.

so what you're saying is that if teh man doesn't pay 100% of the mortgage, the woman need not take his name.

and that you think current divorce laws are fair.
4/23/14 5:51 PM
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Ari2
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Zenoplata - If you're concerned about equality shouldn't it not matter if I call you a man or woman? Or is the fact that you're geting offended show that -you're- the misogynist?

"If you're concerned about equality shouldn't it not matter if I call you a man or woman?"

how does that follow?


"Or is the fact that you're geting offended show that -you're- the misogynist?"

fact? LOL. kiddo, I'm not offended, I'm just using your attacks to discredit you.
4/23/14 6:12 PM
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Fake Pie
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Ari2 - 
Fake Pie - How many of the 4 in 10 are a woman out-earning their husbands who live with them and how many are single mothers?

looks like about 2/3 are single moms...I read a little further into the article.

but since the point was that since the men make more money, women should take their name. Do you think that men should take women's names when the woman makes more money? or that the guys on this thread who are so upset about these women would take the woman's name if she outearned them?

...me either.

It looks like it was pointless to bring it up in the context you did then since it doesnt show a lot of women out-earning men in married relationships.

And I don't give two craps about who changes their name to what. I think it has administrative benefits and is an innocuous enough social norm to follow, but don't care if anyone doesn't want to.

For the zillionth time, the issue for me is the loudmouthing hypocrisy.
4/23/14 7:27 PM
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yusul
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Ari2 - 
Zenoplata - 
Ari2 - and my problem with your usage is that the women in question doesn't seem like a nazi at all, she just doesn't want to be a unequal to her husband. there are some strains of feminism that feel women are better then men, best to save that term for them, because you just sound like an asshole.

I am kind of an asshole, so I'll give you that.

But she's not trying to be equal. Equal would be quietly going about her business with her own unique last name.

Posting it all over Facebook, proclaiming how right she is and then deleting anything that disagrees is just being self-righteous and annoying.

She's actually a really nice girl, but in this circumstance she is wrong and being lame about it.

equal is just not changing her name.

and Id imagine if the she posted the article, the topic has been brought up to her more than once, probably frquently, because people are stupid emotional traditionalist.

asking a woman why she doesn't go through the hassle of a name change is is ridiculous. the question is, why do it?

maybe deleting your comment was "wrong" or cowardly, but in principle I believe she's 100% right.

why do it? exactly. tradition. just like the diamond ring. why do it? tradition.

in fact, you look up the diamond custom, it was the confirmation of financial transactions detailing the value of the bride.

also, re: your patriarchal view of society, she ENFORCING it by keeping her last name, which happens to be her father's name. which is male.

4/23/14 7:32 PM
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Zenoplata
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Ari2 - 
Zenoplata - If you're concerned about equality shouldn't it not matter if I call you a man or woman? Or is the fact that you're geting offended show that -you're- the misogynist?

"If you're concerned about equality shouldn't it not matter if I call you a man or woman?"

how does that follow?


"Or is the fact that you're geting offended show that -you're- the misogynist?"

fact? LOL. kiddo, I'm not offended, I'm just using your attacks to discredit you.

Again, I'm not trying to prove a point, I have no agenda.

You can discredit me, but unlike you I am not trying to use underhanded tactics to push some sort of predetermined side of the argument.

You should be more open minded.
4/23/14 7:34 PM
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Zenoplata
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Ari2 - "Personally I like women with a feminine identity. "

and if you don't change your name, you're not feminine.

like Gisele Bundgen, she's a manish, right?

"I want to discuss the issue itself. Key word - discuss. "

a guy who starts off calling someone who deleted their trolling facebook post a "dumb bitch" and a "feminazi bitch", and then goes on to call the person who dissagrees with them "hun" ad nauseum, is looking for discussion?

no, you're looking for validation.

She was being a dumb bitch feminazi for deleting my commet.

I'm calling you hun because you're a sensitie little girl.

Chill out, babe.
4/23/14 7:35 PM
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dizz
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Zenoplata - Ari, do you feel disingenous posting an intentionally skewed and misleading statistic?

Whether or not I agree with your stance I think when you do things like that it shows your character.

Oh, please, don't try and take the high road when you've been repeatedly attacking him by referring to him as female
4/23/14 8:26 PM
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Jacinto
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Daredevil73 - Every marriage I've where I've seen women do this has ended in divorce.

Yep or the ones i have known with the hyphenated last name.
4/23/14 8:40 PM
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Jacinto
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Regardless of whether she is changing her name or not that should have been between her and her husband. Instead it seems as though she is punking him out on FB by declaring how proud she was for not doing it imo.
4/23/14 10:13 PM
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oldnslow
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Altofsky -
oldnslow -
Altofsky - 
oldnslow -
Zenoplata - 
Altofsky - 
petrochemical - All this talk of "how much of a man" or "alpha" a guy thinks he is cos he prefers his wife take his name is rendered utterly meaningless by the insane legal, media and social system in the West that has taken all real power away from men in relationships/marriage.
This. Phone Post

I don't think it has anything to do with being alpha or beta so much as solidarity.

A wife that wants to maintain her identity separate from the family doesn't truly consider herself part of that family.

But to play Devil's Advocate, why is it the wife who has to change her name to complete the new family? If the man changes his name to the wife's, doesn't that accomplish the same result of forming a unified family unit?
In general, its men that tie the family together. Its men who do the heavy lifting. Its men who bring in the funds. Its men who do the majority of the dirty work. Its men who dictate how the family is to be run. Generally speaking, of course.

Now if you've got a woman who does all that, then by all means... use her name. But most women like that aren't uh... you know... interested in men. Phone Post

If that's what works for your family and you all are happy then that's cool. Go with what works for you.

Where I have to respectfully disagree with you is the generalizations you make that 1) men tie a family together, and 2) that if a woman makes more money than a man she is a lesbian.

Not that I want to rock the boat with you too much because I think your knives are awesome and I (hope) am still on your queue for a kitchen knife for my father, but it's the generalizations on this thread that bug me. There are multiple ways to have a successful and happy relationship, and just because it doesn't match what you have (or wish you had) doesn't mean that it's bad or doomed to fail.

Some relationships are male dominant. Some are female. Some are equal partnerships. If all the parties in the relationship are happy, then why knock it?

As I stated in an earlier post in this thread, 13 years of marriage with 2 kids. Wife kept her name, kids have mine. Still happy and going strong. Over the past 13 years we have each taken turns supporting the other through a major illness each, each going back to school, wife took 2 years off to stay home with our daughter, I am about to do the same for our newborn son. If we determined our family name based on who was the majority breadwinner then we would have switched names about 4 or 5 times over the past 13 years.

Again, this works for us. So why disparage it?
Dont have time to respond at length right now, but two things...

1-You can disagree with me all you like and I'll still craft a blade for you. One has nothing to do with the other. Disagreements make the world go round. After all, we're men not catty bitches that hold grudges because one didn't like the other's shoes. ;)

2- I was playing devils advocate and I believe as you do... whatever works for the family. Phone Post
Excellent, then it's all good in the hood. Phone Post 3.0
4/23/14 10:15 PM
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oldnslow
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Altofsky -
oldnslow -
Altofsky - 
oldnslow -
Zenoplata - 
Altofsky - 
petrochemical - All this talk of "how much of a man" or "alpha" a guy thinks he is cos he prefers his wife take his name is rendered utterly meaningless by the insane legal, media and social system in the West that has taken all real power away from men in relationships/marriage.
This. Phone Post

I don't think it has anything to do with being alpha or beta so much as solidarity.

A wife that wants to maintain her identity separate from the family doesn't truly consider herself part of that family.

But to play Devil's Advocate, why is it the wife who has to change her name to complete the new family? If the man changes his name to the wife's, doesn't that accomplish the same result of forming a unified family unit?
In general, its men that tie the family together. Its men who do the heavy lifting. Its men who bring in the funds. Its men who do the majority of the dirty work. Its men who dictate how the family is to be run. Generally speaking, of course.

Now if you've got a woman who does all that, then by all means... use her name. But most women like that aren't uh... you know... interested in men. Phone Post

If that's what works for your family and you all are happy then that's cool. Go with what works for you.

Where I have to respectfully disagree with you is the generalizations you make that 1) men tie a family together, and 2) that if a woman makes more money than a man she is a lesbian.

Not that I want to rock the boat with you too much because I think your knives are awesome and I (hope) am still on your queue for a kitchen knife for my father, but it's the generalizations on this thread that bug me. There are multiple ways to have a successful and happy relationship, and just because it doesn't match what you have (or wish you had) doesn't mean that it's bad or doomed to fail.

Some relationships are male dominant. Some are female. Some are equal partnerships. If all the parties in the relationship are happy, then why knock it?

As I stated in an earlier post in this thread, 13 years of marriage with 2 kids. Wife kept her name, kids have mine. Still happy and going strong. Over the past 13 years we have each taken turns supporting the other through a major illness each, each going back to school, wife took 2 years off to stay home with our daughter, I am about to do the same for our newborn son. If we determined our family name based on who was the majority breadwinner then we would have switched names about 4 or 5 times over the past 13 years.

Again, this works for us. So why disparage it?
Dont have time to respond at length right now, but two things...

1-You can disagree with me all you like and I'll still craft a blade for you. One has nothing to do with the other. Disagreements make the world go round. After all, we're men not catty bitches that hold grudges because one didn't like the other's shoes. ;)

2- I was playing devils advocate and I believe as you do... whatever works for the family. Phone Post
And I will vote you up for rational discourse. Phone Post 3.0
4/23/14 10:16 PM
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spjackson77
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absolute dealbreaker if a chick wont take my name.
4/23/14 11:01 PM
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Zenoplata
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dizz - 
Zenoplata - Ari, do you feel disingenous posting an intentionally skewed and misleading statistic?

Whether or not I agree with your stance I think when you do things like that it shows your character.

Oh, please, don't try and take the high road when you've been repeatedly attacking him by referring to him as female

I really did think he was a chick at first.

But then he got mad and I thought it was funny.

It's well known that I'm an asshole. But I am not trying to win an argument. Ari is trying to win an argument for the sake of winning an argument and being disingenuous about it.

I am a dick, sure, but at least I'm an honest asshole.
4/23/14 11:03 PM
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Zenoplata
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Oldnslow, thanks for your contributions dude, you make some great points and you're not an annoying cunt, so voted up.
4/23/14 11:09 PM
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Michael Washam
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Ari2 please shirt the fuck up and other guy pist pics Phone Post 3.0
4/23/14 11:14 PM
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Zenoplata
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Diabeetus - 

 

 


I did, sorry, they got buried.

Diabeetus, I'll vote you up tomorrow, can't remember if I did already or not.
4/23/14 11:39 PM
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oldnslow
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Zenoplata - Oldnslow, thanks for your contributions dude, you make some great points and you're not an annoying cunt, so voted up.
Thanks.

And it's been fun to watch you and Ari go at it.

To be honest, my views on this topic have evolved over the years. I was raised by hippie liberal parents who instilled the notion that only submissive and weak women took their husband's name. Yes, in my youth I had a small inward sneer for the unenlightened couple who conformed so easily to antiquated tradition.

I am attracted to, and married a strong woman. We approach our marriage as a parntership and make the large life decisions jointly. Day to day decisions are made either by the subject matter expert between the two of us, or by whomever is handling that particular issue at the time.

But it's interesting that it is within the context of this egalitarian marriage that my views towards couples in more male dominated marriages began to soften. Mostly it's because I've gotten to know many more married couples and been exposed to different styles of relationships. I have met plenty of strong women who function happily and well in a male dominated marriage. Like the Bard says, "There are things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Just because it ain't like me, don't make it wrong.

I have also known some not so strong women over the years who could really benefit from having a dominant male in their life - like my sister-in-law. At first my attitude (and my feminist wife's attitude) was to try and empower her. We actually invested a lot of energy (and some decent money) into empowering her to take agency in her life and make good decisions, but in the almost 18 years I've known my wife and her family this chick has made zero progress in that area. Now she is 34 and still not able to make solid well thought out life choices. And now all my wife and I say is, "jeez, at least she is good looking. Let's hope she finds a decent strong guy to marry who will take care of her."

Not super feminist of us, but it's true.

Anyway, all of that is my super-FRAT way if saying that while I still consider myself on the left side of the political and philosophical spectrum, my almost 40 years of experience has taught me that there are many kinds of marriages that work. Phone Post 3.0
4/23/14 11:42 PM
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oldnslow
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Shit, dropped a word in the Shakespeare quote:

"There are MORE things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Makes a big difference. Phone Post 3.0
4/23/14 11:46 PM
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Kick Boxe
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Mencken - 
Zenoplata - Patriarchal society or not, it's a well established social norm that is not really worth getting rid of.

It signifies the joining of the family. To have separate last names identifies the bride and groom as two separate family units.

You say that because you don't have to give up your name.  I'm proud of my family's heritage, and I like the rich history of my clan (Scottish descent).  I don't see how that would change if I had a vagina


What do you mean if

4/24/14 11:27 AM
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Fake Pie
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Kick Boxe - 
Mencken - 
Zenoplata - Patriarchal society or not, it's a well established social norm that is not really worth getting rid of.

It signifies the joining of the family. To have separate last names identifies the bride and groom as two separate family units.

You say that because you don't have to give up your name.  I'm proud of my family's heritage, and I like the rich history of my clan (Scottish descent).  I don't see how that would change if I had a vagina


What do you mean if


I like you Mencken, but this was just funny.
4/24/14 11:31 AM
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Mencken
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The proof I don't have a vagina is that I post here.  If I had a vagina, I'd spend all day fingerbanging myself and wouldn't have time for silly forums

4/24/14 12:22 PM
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CaptainWoody
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PatK - 
CaptainWoody - My question is...

Why get married if you don't want kids? THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF MARRIAGE!

Now, I get she has the right to, and I understand why gays want to (I support their right as well) because they couldn't and that leads to them pushing for it...they are protesting....I get it.

But why would a man and woman get married if children are not involved??? I am completely lost on that.

Breeding is a stupid reason to get married. You don't have to get married to have a kid.

As far as getting married and not having kids, me and my g/f of nearly 15 years are contemplating it.

One reason is her health insurance is much better than mine. I'd rather be on her plan


Children are a stupid reason.....but fucking insurance isn't?


What kind of backwards thinking is this?
4/24/14 12:22 PM
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dizz
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Zenoplata - 
dizz - 
Zenoplata - Ari, do you feel disingenous posting an intentionally skewed and misleading statistic?

Whether or not I agree with your stance I think when you do things like that it shows your character.

Oh, please, don't try and take the high road when you've been repeatedly attacking him by referring to him as female

I really did think he was a chick at first.

But then he got mad and I thought it was funny.

It's well known that I'm an asshole. But I am not trying to win an argument. Ari is trying to win an argument for the sake of winning an argument and being disingenuous about it.

I am a dick, sure, but at least I'm an honest asshole.

Well, voted up for honesty

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