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TMA UnderGround >> Crazy instructor stories...


4/11/04 4:41 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 11-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3552
 

...anybody got some? If you've been in & around TMA as long as i've been you should have dozens. Maybe someone's school you stopped in, or an instructor at a tournament, maybe someone at a seminar.

Here's one...Back when I was about 21, like twelve tears ago, I went to check out an isshin ryu school with/for a friend. At the time I was in TKD, and thought it was great, but I worked with a buddy who wanted to train, but lived too far away to come to my school. So he found this Isshin ryu club training out of a YMCA or something near his house (Wixom, mi). So I went with him to "check it out". There was like twenty five people training there and the head instructor looked like Elvis. I mean he was an Elvis impersonator, side burns, huge hair and an Elvis gut. BTW, Michigan is not known for it's Elvis imps. This alone had me trippin' a little. So we sat on the side lines and watched them conduct class, doing Kata and whatever. Afterwords a junior instructor approached us and started witht the recruitment thing.

During the conversation, I told the guy I was already enrolled in TKD and did competitions and was very dedicated to it. He kept going on & on about why I should come train there.

4/11/04 4:47 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 11-Apr-04 04:41 PM
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3553

Finally, Elvis came over and asked about what/where/why I trained in TKD. After explaining myself to him, he asked me to stand in my fighting stance & he wanted to see some stuff. I'm thinking how bad I wish  I hadn't came and I was nervous, but I got in a fighting stance. He's standing right in front of me, but back out of range a bit. He then says, something about "show me one of your jump spinning kicks", so I did a jump spin hook kick. As I do this move, thinking i'm just "showing" the kick, he steps in & footsweeps me!! I land on my back on the gymnasium floor. He helps me up & says "thats why you should train here" and walks away. Most of his class seen this, which i'm sure made him look like a God or whatever. I was pissed so I went outside and waited for my buddy.

The real  thing that bugged me was buddy signed right up after he saw what he did to me!!! He would later quit after some other wierdness went on, i'll talk about that later on.

4/11/04 7:33 PM
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bigbrawler
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Edited: 11-Apr-04
Member Since: 08/25/2003
Posts: 63
Quick question does boxing count as a tma. Becuase if so then I have alot of stories about a crazy instructor.
4/11/04 8:06 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 11-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3557
Boxing definately IS a traditional martial art. So therefore, hook us up.
4/13/04 8:24 AM
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ShiroRyu
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Edited: 13-Apr-04
Member Since: 09/13/2003
Posts: 142
Did I tell you guys about how my TKD instructor can do a strattle split and spread his legs PAST 180 degrees? Im dead SERIOUS!! He can spread his legs at a 200+ degree angle. I am NOT trolling or anything, he actually did that. I was crying in pain just looking at that.
4/13/04 11:46 AM
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juszczec
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Edited: 13-Apr-04
Member Since: 02/23/2003
Posts: 677
Hi folks Here's one from my former dojo. The man liked to break wood and concrete. In order to toughen his hands he'd heat up pans of sand in the oven and stick his fists into them. Mark
4/13/04 1:21 PM
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Millenium Falcon
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Edited: 13-Apr-04
Member Since: 11/12/2002
Posts: 8663
TTT!
4/13/04 8:49 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 13-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3573

Juszczec, that's funny as hell.

 

Keep 'em comin'!!

4/13/04 8:54 PM
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taputoo
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Edited: 13-Apr-04
Member Since: 04/11/2004
Posts: 0
LOL!
4/14/04 8:12 AM
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juszczec
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Edited: 14-Apr-04
Member Since: 02/23/2003
Posts: 680
Hi folks glock4life, glad you liked it. 2 others come to mind. One man I trained with went fishing. Somehow, he got the tip of his index finger (up to the first joint) chopped off. Right about the same time, the fish started biting. He taped his finger on, and kept fishing. My current teacher was competing for a spot on the US team. Somehow, he broke his forearm. It swelled up to about the size of your calf. The people in charge said he couldn't fight if his arm was swollen. So, he wrapped his belt around his arm and squeezed for 30-60 minutes. After he forced all the fluid away, he told everyone he was healthy and rejoined the competition. Same guy, fought (and won by decision) a kickboxing match after coming down with the flu 12 hours earlier. Mark
4/14/04 4:11 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 14-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3580
Now that's just plain crazy!
4/14/04 4:33 PM
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Willybone
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Edited: 14-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 12907
Maybe not too crazy, but funny...

My HKD instructor once gave us an hour long lecture on the benefits of constricting your anus hundreds of times every day.
Yes, I know there's a book about this. But, this was a man I deeply respected talking about it non-stop for an hour!
I was standing in a chi gung position, trying to keep a straight face, as he's telling us, "You should be doing this all the time, even on the subway. Constrict, relax, constrict, relax..." He told us about a circular energy theory that says we lose chi out of our asses because our butts aren't tight enough.
It was hysterical and disturbing at the same time. I wanted to be a mature martial artist about it, but I couldn't help but feel like Beavis giggling non-stop.
"Heh heh, he said 'ANUS'."
4/15/04 12:31 AM
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RapidAssault
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Edited: 15-Apr-04
Member Since: 08/02/2003
Posts: 84
Well, there is this guy that hangs around my university claiming to be a MMA instructor, but this guy is definately a hardcore wing chun guy that just happens to know some ground fighting. Anyways, my friend is in the gym minding his own business, and runs into the cousin of this instructor (I have met both these guys before and I've introduced my friend to the cousin of the instructor several weeks earlier). Then in comes the instructor looking all hardcore and ready to kick butt. He takes a look at his cousin, then my friend (like a ref reading out the rules to the boxers). He asks my friend what he trains, how he trains, etc. My friend said he does a kind of trapping (actually, my friend and I have been practicing clinches after training with Matt Thornton, but my friend was still use to calling what he does "functional trapping" -- an influence of Vunak). So this instructor and my friend goes at it, and the instructor starts fighting my friend by using his chi sao and certainly wasn't pulling his punches. My friend decides he wasn't going to put up with the abuse, so my friend used his clinch skills and had the instructor backed up against the walls, making his chi sao useless. Then the instructor starts bitching and yells at my friend saying that my friend didn't know a single thing about chi sao (which is kind of funny, because my friend never said anything about doing chi sao --in fact, he would admit that he doesn't know a thing about it, period). The instructor pretty much tells my friend to "Do chi sao my way." He then walks out of the gym all hard and tough. Strange that this guy would actually start a fight in a gym (with ppl around to watch and laugh at him). Last time my friend and I saw him, he was telling his students how useless "neck wrestling" was and that they should stick to chi sao.
4/15/04 12:07 PM
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glock4life
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Edited: 15-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 3582

Maybe my first story should've been in the dickhead instructors section. But i'm sure this relates to crazy...

...there is a guy in my area who frequents restaurants and such and wears a black belt as a pants belt. He wears it with plain clothes! I've never personally seen him but others have and told me about it. When conversation goes to his belt, which is adorned with stripes and asian writing, He says he's somekind of master and teaches out of his house.

4/18/04 4:35 PM
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FlashGordon2002
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Edited: 18-Apr-04
Member Since: 05/23/2002
Posts: 3527
I'm not sure if this guy was a martial artist or even an instructor of the martial arts but... ...one time, I walked into a Borders and saw a guy perusing the martial arts mags...the dude was black, dressed head-to-toe in black BDU's, wore a black beret and was carrying a katana in a sheath. I did a double take when I saw the katana because I couldn't believe someone would actually one around openly but it was indeed one of those katanas that you could order from AWMA. I gave the guy a wide berth because he obviously wasn't sane. I also remember walking down this street where there were all these street vendors selling their stuff, i.e. bootleg VHS tapes of movies, etc. Anyway, one of them (a black dude dressed in BDU pants - what is it with psycho guys and BDU's?!?!) was standing off to one side, practicing his horse stance.
4/19/04 3:49 PM
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FJJ828
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Edited: 19-Apr-04
Member Since: 01/01/2001
Posts: 1174
NAPLES BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU L.L.C.
Disturbing.
4/20/04 6:27 PM
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taputoo
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Edited: 20-Apr-04
Member Since: 04/11/2004
Posts: 23
Disturbing, yes but funny as hell too!
4/25/04 10:19 AM
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juszczec
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Edited: 25-Apr-04
Member Since: 02/23/2003
Posts: 699
shen That's just downright sad. Mark
4/26/04 4:22 PM
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Millenium Falcon
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Edited: 26-Apr-04
Member Since: 11/12/2002
Posts: 8744
Don't make fun of me, Shen. It's an internal style. ;-p

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