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DantheWolfMan UnderGround >> Teaching your gal self defense


6/14/02 7:29 PM
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LEMon
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Edited: 14-Jun-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 481
 
Could be your daughter, could be your girlfriend or wife (in my case its my g/f as i dont have any else of the above). Self defense ( iguess would be focused on rape prevention) for woman is a load of crap nowadays, ESPECIALLY here in Australia. It actually worries me that girls feel so helpless and defencless against "men" (i dont believe your a man if you commit physical acts of violence against woman). In the past few months i have been thinking alot about this and the garbage that is out there and have come up with a decent "program". Firstly i believe every guy and girl should read the gift of fear. Secondly i know it sounds lame but the program should be based on learning basic MMA "techniques" mostly escapes as i believe most of the assualt form reports i have read and personal experiences from girls i know (an ex girlfriend of mine was raped by 4 guys while we were at school still...which sort of sparked my pet peeve) and adding "dirt" as SBG guys like to put it. I been working my girl on the basic jab as i believe for an eye gouge this is a must. Also some basic clinch, anchoring the head for eye gouges etc, headbutts. At least this way i know it WORKS not like 90% of the other stuff being put out there. Plus i can drill it under pressure. I'll put up my revised "program" later as i have been showing it to my g/f (who is petite) and it seems to be good, but i want to hear your ideas. I think mental conditioning is at least 70% in womans self defense. My problem is alot of girls i have spoken to arent willing to headbutt, gouge etc. They also fear they wont be able to pull off mount escapes etc under pressure even though we practice under pressure, they fear they will forget. Guys your thoughts are much appreciated.
6/14/02 9:11 PM
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raptor_prime
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Edited: 14-Jun-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
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I wanted to teach my now ex self defense but she never wanted me to. She was too self conscious and thought she would disappoint me if she didn't get it perfectly.
6/14/02 9:26 PM
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LEMon
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Edited: 14-Jun-02
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mine asks me to all the time so i thought if i do it gotta do it properly. Tony's stuff and gift of fear all the way for mental aspect. I use Tony's quotes allt he time (and give credit )
6/15/02 7:14 AM
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hal5150
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Edited: 15-Jun-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 14
Hi LEMon, Do you have Coach Blauer's 'Rape Safe' Video? That is a good place to start with. It will get you into thinking about duplicating real life scenarios. I have taught some successful Women's Self Defense programs in my area and if you drop me your email address, I'll send you my outline. I am at hp5150@gwi.com. Hal Pierce PDR Team Maine, USA
6/15/02 11:59 AM
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Sean Mulligan
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Edited: 15-Jun-02
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Posts: 18
LEMon, I agree with Hal...the "Rape Safe" video is a must! You made some good points that need to be followed up on; Firstly...introduce her to "The Gift of Fear" and possibly "Fearless", Gavin DeBecker's latest and compliment them with Mr. Blauer's "Cerebral Self-Defence, The Mental Edge" audio. Tactfully, stimulate her intelect and show her that she already possesses the physical tools, more on this later, but she needs to overcome the emotional inertia and give herself permission to do something first. Secondly...K.I.S.S KEEP IT SIMPLE! You said above that you were teaching a 'basic jab' and a 'basic clinch'. These are fine in context, however if she hasn't trained these skills, i.e. boxed or wrestled, they will be foreign and often difficult to accept. Demystify her tool box and show her how to use the tools that she already possesses, biting, clawing, slapping etc. The video cover's this as well! I hope that this helps somewhat...if not and you need clarification on these points feel free to contact me. Sean Mulligan BTS LEO Training Team sean@tonyblauer.com
6/17/02 6:44 PM
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jsteinmann
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Edited: 17-Jun-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 19
LEmon, Just some thoughts and observations, based on the last year's worth of training my own girlfriend. 1. I'll third the reccomendation for Tony's Rape Safe set. Lots of really useful ideas and information. 2. I'll second Sean's K.I.S.S. Keep it very, very, simple. And be prepared to spend a lot of time on what seem like very simple things to you. I've literally spent HOURS drilling one thing. Don't expect her to pick up on stuff at the same rate you, as an experienced martial artist, will. 3. Get yourself some good protective equiptment, so that she can practice hitting a live human being. My girl had a terribly hard time getting used to the idea that it was ok to hit someone. Particularly me. 4. Beware! Once she does learn it's ok to hit you...be prepared for some impromptu sparring sessions. :) 5. If at all possible, try to seperate personal stuff from the training. I will tell you this much: No student you will ever have will question you as much as your signifigant other will. I say that having taught people from 7 up to about 50...none of them said "why?" or "I don't know..." as much as my girl. I find that things go smoother if I reinforce the idea that while we're training...we're training. I'm the coach, not the boyfriend. When I say you need to work on your jab, it's because I, as your coach, think your jab needs work, not because I, as your boyfriend do. Leave the personal stuff off the mat, or you'll never get anything done. 6. Have a good time with it! I actually really enjoy training with my girlfriend, and she really enjoys it too. So have fun. I hope that helps. If you want to chat about it more, shoot me an email (blacksteel@aol.com). Jake
6/21/02 9:46 PM
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LEMon
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Edited: 21-Jun-02
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thanx guyz what are the most basic ground escapes u think need to be covered? Also regaridng her not getting taken down, what approach do u reccommend, your correct about that they are unfamiliar with wrestlign boxing etc...
6/24/02 6:29 AM
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LEMon
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Edited: 24-Jun-02
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ttt
6/25/02 8:38 AM
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rinpoche
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Edited: 25-Jun-02
Member Since: 24-Apr-02
Posts: 4
Here are some basic facts about self defense for women -Women who take a model mugging class are 90% less likely to ever have to defend themselves. This is due probably to increased awareness and confidence, which attackers shy away from. Even though I disagree with a lot of what they teach in those courses, basically any training a woman does is better than none. -Women who fight back against an attacker decrese their chances of being raped by 86%, and significantly reduce their chances of getting hurt
6/25/02 9:18 AM
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LEMon
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Edited: 25-Jun-02
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Guyz please read my thread on the UG about rape. Its kinda emotional but there are alot of jokers answering it. Thanx for your time.
6/25/02 7:48 PM
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LEMon
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Edited: 25-Jun-02
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oh and 2 of your guyz have mail! :)
6/29/02 6:13 PM
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AlbertaPDR
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Edited: 29-Jun-02
Member Since: 02-Jun-02
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LEmon, The first thing remember when training family members or loved ones is maintain your ROLE as the COACH and treat your session like that of a private lesson. Learn their fears, like you would a regular student and do not expect their level of committment and passion to match that of your own. The cycle of behavior mentioned in a few posts above is a must and is magically broken down in the Womens rape safe video. Create a directive for yourself and have your girlfriend identify the areas in which she feels vulnerable or apprehensive. You can learn alot about a person by just listening. Devise a program tailored to the needs of your girlfriend and always approach each area with a three dimensional mind set. Sean brought a some crucial points on performance enhancement and motivation.De-mystifying the street fight and de-mystifying the arsenal within the attack. This is always apart of any program I instruct whether that be for men or women. There is wealth of information in the Blauer library that can assist you in training your girlfriend....too much for any of us put in one post. Check out the website and look at some of the video and audio packages that are put together. If there are amy specific areas in your girlfriends training you would like to discuss feel free to post here so the PDR Team can peel the onion down a bit further for you. Robb Finlayson, PDR Team www.tonyblauer.com
6/30/02 3:19 AM
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LEMon
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Edited: 30-Jun-02
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ttt i got more Q's comming. I have the audio tapes and the how to beat a grappler tapes btw. The rapesafe ones look worthwhile as do the SPEAR ones.
7/4/02 12:03 AM
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Eric Cobb
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Edited: 04-Jul-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
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L: Lots of great thoughts from the guys above. I think that your question is one that most of us struggle with at one time or another. In addition to all of the stuff discussed keep in mind the basic BTS maxim: The scenario determines everything... Many women are apprehensive at doing anything physical, are scared of contact, afraid to get hurt or hurt someone else - right up to the point that they have a reason to do it! You've already mentioned that you feel that it's 70% mental - I'd go even further than that. Try to explore some of Tony's "basic" material in the PDR Manual. It's inexpensive, and the material is priceless in terms of coaching the emotional and psychological toolboxes. True story: About a month ago, dropped by some friends house. They had a group meeting there and after it all broke up (about the time I arrived) there was a guy teaching a couple of the women some "handgun disarms". Not wanting to be rude, I walked away and talked with my friend who eventually talked me into doing a little "demo" for them. After I was introduced to everyone, I tactfully, but immediately began a reframe from physical techniques to building stronger emotional and psychological toolboxes. To make a long story short, the woman who was "learning" the disarms went from highly freaked and intimidated about "not being able to do it right" to looking very determined and capable of doing something vicious inside three minutes. How? BTS maxim - Don't show others what you can do - show them what they can do. Before I started talking I heard her say "I just can't imagine doing that." So, I created a coaching scenario that involved her child and a potential rapist. You could literally see the change in her physiology and intensity. Her verbal response was "No problem, I can see my fingers going right into his eyes..." This story is to simply illustrate one of Tony's primary points: knowing how to hit and where to hit is a lot less important that knowing that you WILL hit... If she's training and working it sounds like you are on the right track with her - just keep your tactical objectives in mind and map the training from there. Good luck. Eric
7/4/02 4:42 PM
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AlbertaPDR
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Edited: 04-Jul-02
Member Since: 02-Jun-02
Posts: 3
Eric, Very nice!!! Robb
7/5/02 8:00 PM
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LEMon
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Edited: 05-Jul-02
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I understand the basic idea of empowering and have read and watched alot of tapes and books about it but i still have alot of trouble defining a clear cut approach to it. Any suggestions? I use Tony's example alot about Albert Desalva and then switching to finding your own child beign raped etc.. Works sometimes, sometimes it scares ladies.
7/8/02 6:07 PM
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Eric Cobb
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Edited: 08-Jul-02
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L: You've just described the hard part of coaching - tailoring the material and making it palatable for whoever you are trying to work with. It sounds like you've invested a lot time and energy in Tony's material and see the value in it. As all of us on the PDR Team have learned, and as you've obviously experienced, our passion for personal safety is rarely matched by our students. This explains why Tony is so adamant about his professional PDR members developing the skills to be a good coach and learning to "translate" the material. In terms of a more clear cut approach? That's very difficult as I alluded to in my previous post with Tony's "The scenario dictates" quote. Every person is different, every group has a different dynamic, and yet in many ways they're also the same because they are all people and all run on a similar set of software. I can suggest a couple of ideas: 1. Trust your intuition. If you are a student of people and communication, you can often pick up on the "leverage point" in someone's personality that will help them cross lines of fear and learn something new. Depends on how much time and energy you have to spend. 2. Expand your example and analogy vocabulary. I've often seen Tony string together 10+ examples and analogies to illustrate a concept for people in the space of two minutes. More ammo can be handy if the target is wearing armor.:-) 3. Finally, don't take it too personally. This was and is personally a tough skill for me. However, Tony has given us all a lot of insight in this. You have to realize that if someone isn't receptive for the moment then nothing you do will likely change that - life will have to provide the motivation... Finally, if you are primarily interested in people close to you, never forget the power of simple osmosis. It never ceases to amaze me to hear BTS principles come out of the mouths of people I'm close to, yet have never trained. Tony's "uncommon sense" often makes an electrical connection with people who will absorb the message just from hearing it in conversation. Of course, I'd still like to get them into High Gear. :-) Hope to read some more input. Eric
7/9/02 10:34 PM
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Tony Blauer
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Edited: 09-Jul-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 132
Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.
Great comments Eric, robb & others, a lot of substance here... T
8/4/02 4:43 AM
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JKDilla
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Edited: 04-Aug-02
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I'm TTT because it's really relevant in news media in light of the escape of those 2 teens in CA.
8/4/02 10:57 AM
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AlbertaPDR
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Edited: 04-Aug-02
Member Since: 02-Jun-02
Posts: 12
All throughout the news on television and the newspapers we read, there are numerous headlines on kidnapping, rape and murder... most recently the two girls from Vegas. I have been roaming the internet over the last few days specifically looking at what other systems are teaching and how they approach some of the problems plaguing us today. Most of what I encountered created concrete solutions based on the ever so popular..."do this or do not do that" Also, some of the websites give video examples of what to do. I was very dissappointed to say the least. Everything I came across dealt with the attack from the point of physical contact and totally negated any pre-contact phases...which we all know are very important. Also, each "defender" had perfect form and jumped into action as soon as they were attacked. There was no emotional content and no behavioral realities. The two most significant realms of the fight. I am not posting this in arrogance or to de-value what others are doing, BUT, and I mean a big one, we need to re-evaluate our training methods and make sure they support the scenarios of today. Weigh and consider everything, do not leave a stone unturned. Just think...its your life and you are ultimately responsible for protecting it. "Good information, does not displace good information"-T. Blauer Robb Finlayson, PDR Team
8/6/02 10:14 AM
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casmarcos
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Edited: 06-Aug-02
Member Since: 01-Jan-01
Posts: 18
Hi guys, really good answers here. As most of us, I am concerned about teaching my g/f self defense because I think she really needs it (she works and hour from home and travels alone when the sound go down) and because I FEEL better knowing she knows something about how to defend herself. :-) Hopefully, she enjoys learning with me but I have some comments about my short experience teaching women´s self defense: 1)I found that women are really "afraid" of headbutting a person. They do the technique well but "something" is telling me they are not going to use it in a real situation. 2) I always explain them that they have an advantage that most of men dont have: Who expects a petit woman can really harm you? And because of that, in most of the scenarios women can be involved, they won´t have to deal with a really "difficult attack" (ie. a barrage of punches straight in the face). I guess the most commons attack to women are any kind of grabbing, bearhug, hair pulling, and that kind of stuff. 3) They have the tendency to "punch" like a man (specially under pressure), I guess mainly because they are seeing this since they are born. And in most of the cases, the do it really wrong (very dangerous for the hand). They dont get used very easily to do all kinds of palm strikes in order to "replace" the punch. Just my short experience. Correct me please if I am wrong. Marcos

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