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DantheWolfMan UnderGround >> Tony: Rape Question


3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Johnny99
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Hi. I know you have the Rape Safe series, but from what I see it deals primarily with what a woman should do to safeguard herself. Do you have or know of any material that is geared specifically toward women who have already been raped? A girl who works for me was stalked and raped about a year ago and never got any counseling. She's the shy type; a very non-assertive person. Apparently she saw the rapist at some bar the other night and freaked out and ran. She came to me yesterday and I'm doing what I can to help her get counseling and am urging her to contact the detective assigned to the case so they can canvas the bar, but I get the impression that the police weren't too compassionate to her a year ago and she's too scared to talk to them again. An attorney friend of mine is going to reach out to someone she knows on the Sex Crimes squad, but I'm going to have the girl go get a copy of the incident report herself to show them she's serious about persuing prosecution. Anyway, your take on things has been of benefit to me and I wondered if you had any material or techniques you could recommend to help empower her. Thanks.
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Extreme Justice
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Johnny99, It's great to see that you are doing what you can to assist this girl. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to go through such a horrible experience, then go through it again so that the detectives can conduct an investigation. Not to bellitle this person's experience, or any one else's for that matter, but the detectives have to conduct the investigation in such a manner as to ensure that the accused is prosecuted. To look at it from the other perspective however, the survivor of such is reluctant to provide everything in order to protect themselves from reliving it over again. As a result of this process, it seems that officers involved are not compassionate and if they happen to be males, well... unfortunately they most likely do not know what she is feeling and are unable to provide the emotional support that she requires. For this reason it is important for her to seek the guidance and assistance of someone trained in this area. This way this person can be a buffer or a 'go-between' for the survivor and the investigators, helping to make the whole incident a little more comfortable,if that is at all possible. It is also crucial that she speaks to someone! The longer she holds all of these emotions inside of her, the more that they will affect her both emotionally and sometimes physically as well. But you can not force her. People heal at different rates and this is no exception. The best that you can do is offer her all of the support that she requires suggesting that she should take the appropriate actions and that you are willing to help, or find soemone to help her do so. As for the "Rapesafe" video. The most important tool on that whole video is the appreciation and understanding of the "Cycle of Behaviour" This will help motivate her to do what she must now to continue and survive the post trauma. I do not know the severity of the situation she is presently in, but she needs to have this motivation to focus and continue to move forward. Since the experience is percieved to be negative, she should also acquire the FEAR Management tools so that she may break free of the fear loop and do the above. Other excellent tools are all three of the audios, which she can listen to at her own convienance, Cerebral Self Defence, Meta-Cognition and Performance Enhancement Psychology (which again explains the "Cycle of Behaviour" in greater detail). These opinions are based on my experiences and may not be the same as those suggested by others on this forum. Good luck and hope that some of this helps. Sean
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Johnny99
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Thanks, Sean. She definitely needs to get some counseling but, as I told her, SHE has to do it. SHE has to go get the incident report, etc. Good advice on the different rates of healing, but I'm afraid that if she waits to talk to the detectives, they won't be able to do much. If she acts now they might be able to find someone at the bar who remembers him. If she chooses to let her fear make her wait, she might not be able to get the sort of closure prosecuting the motherfucker may provide her. I was going to lend her the audio tapes, but would like to find something that more specifically targets post-rape. Thanks for your comments.
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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turbo
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Any rape crisis center or sexual abuse hotline will be able to recommend appropriate material. Check your phone book. They may alos be able to recommend a supportive counsellor. I've also seen book for rape survivors in Barnes & Noble book stores. Good luck.
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Tony Blauer
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.
TO me the most powerful tools I have experienced is empowering rape victims to know 'they' have the tools to do something about it. In other wrods, training. WHile catching the guy offers some satisfaction [not to mention getting the scum off the street], it does not help the victim of the event feel less affected by the experience. I have taught many women who have been through a similar experience to the one you have shared, and I honestly feel that the training [credible, passionate] is the catharsis needed. All other work, be it crisis centers etc may be important to the victim, or may not, what is important is that the victim experiences the shift to victor - emotionally. Tony
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Johnny99
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Thanks, Tony. I agree and lent her one of your audio tapes hoping it will whet her appetite and encourage her to get the rapesafe package. Money's tight, but maybe she could get together with a few friends and get it. She really needs counseling, but it's up to her to go. I told her that I can see her getting help and then, in six months or a year or whenever, she'll find herself helping someone else get through something similar. I hope she'll have the strength to pursue prosecution. I told her if she can't do it for herself, think about the next women this guy goes after. By coincidence, someone emailed my girlfriend something called "Notes from a women's self-defense class" that contained a lot of misinformation (in my opinion). It sounds like a nice, middle class lady went to a bad class and is passing the info on because she truly wants to help, but it's bad info (again, my opinion). I posted it on the UG under "Notes from self defense class". It's really long, longer than I realized before posting, but if you get a chance I'd like to hear your comments. Thanks again, J

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