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DantheWolfMan UnderGround >> Emotional Baggage


3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Tony Blauer
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.
 
You're welcome George. I look forward to your attending a session soon. TOny
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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OpenMinded1
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Mike, You’re truly welcome. Glad you picked something useful out of the conversations, I have learned so much here. I want to attend a PDR myself. I can’t fathom the amount or type of information conveyed within the PDR program. I have been amazed with the information and the “missing piece’s” that seem to be located here and how much MORE is contained within everything and everyone that is connected to Tony and the TCMS. I started with the BYOB package and have been hooked, the deeper I get the more EVERYTHING makes sense. All of the information applies to every facet of your life. Tony Thank You for making ALL of this possible. Take Care All George
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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taroson
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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George, Thanks for sharing this dilema on the ME. I have learned a lot by reading this thread. One of the things that Tony pointed out in the PDR session I attended was that we need to be able to tell our students that there are questions we can't answer. I really hope your student gets professional help and also attends your training sessions. I'm sure the two activities will reinforce one another. Good Luck and thanks to everyone for your insight. Take Care, Mike
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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dominate8
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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I have been the "Mad Mugger" for women self defence classes before. The instructor, a woman, told me to be as realistic as possible while mugging. This includes dialoge. I had to be told what to say before hand and the hardest part was talking dirty to women that were my mothers age. About 1/3 of the women had been assaulted before and broke down sereouly in class. Is this type of training good for the women?
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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OpenMinded1
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Thanks for the words Sean, I would like this person to benefit in the information I am offering. I want to progress and work on the material at hand but my eye can see the problem and he has admitted to there actually being a problem, in my heart I “feel” his pain. (I know I am a softie) I will continue to work with him as well as the others. I will offer direction for him to get the help he needs. I have shared my experiences and how I have dealt with things. Hopefully he can straighten things out within his head. I do not want to and will not contribute to his problems or engulf myself in his problems. I will do what I can to help without becoming consumed by his problems. Again thanks to everyone! You ALL have been a GREAT help. Sincerely, George
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Extreme Justice
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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George, You should be commended for what you are doing. Although you had stated that you do not wish to open the perverbial can of worms, i'm afraid that you already have. However it is your willingness, consideration, concern and passion that have brought you here to seek out the alternative solutions to the problem that you, as an instructor, helped identify. It is your idignation that realised that perhaps you do not have the time, patience or experience to deal with this problem alone but would like to assist in what ever manner you may. The reason that i feel that you should be commended is because to many instructors allow their ego's to get in the way and as result do more damage then good when attempting to address this topic. Find out what you can about what is presently being offered in your community and make this information available to this person. If you have the time, make the arrangements advising the agency being contacted of your involvement. This may set you up to assist them in the future..."you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours". More students, more revenue, more references and so on. Keep up the great work. Sean
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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OpenMinded1
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Jake, You’re right! As I re-read what I wrote I can see my answer right under my nose. It is kind of strange, for most of my life I had all the desire in the world to help everyone any where at any time with any problem. It’s not like that any more though, My family and myself are 1st before all. Shoot me an e-mail I lost my hard drive 2 weeks ago need to update my mail list. I have also have some questions. George
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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jsteinmann
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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George, I feel like a dunce, but I can't access my address book from work. My email is blacksteel@aol.com Drop me a line! Either that, or I'll send you one when I get home. And hey...priorities change as you grow. That's life (I spend a lot of time around college kids, who's priorities are changing so fast, it's crazy). Nothing wrong with it. It's all part of growing. Look forward to hearing from you. Be well, Jake
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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Tony Blauer
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.
That really depends on your relationship with them as well as the format of the class. It also depends on whether the dialogue and interaction is 'co-dependent' based or goal oriented...in other words, is exploring the actual attack a necessary part of the training with you? George, likely, if its backfired in the past, you are introducing or exploring the 'history' with improper safeguards and/or technique [read between the lines] and should probably leave this area alone [refer them to a professional] and stick to personal safety fundamentals until you are more trained/prepared with this process. Just my .02 Tony
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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pdrjms
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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OpenMinded1, Just remember to be professional, and when you are demonstrating a technique be sure to ask that person if its o.k. to touch them espcially with rape victoms. Also be empowering 100% of the time.Hope this helps. James Schirnglone PDR
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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JoeStagner
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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USMuayThai.com
Working with Rape victems is tricky business. To say "be empowering" and "ask permission to touch them", is always appropriate, but an over-simplification of the issues. Tony's observations are accurate, be VERY careful as to your own motivations as to the traning specifics in regards to attack details and when in doubt, leave the attack specifics and "counsiling" type activities to the professionals. You may seek assistance from a local crisis center (etc) and even ask that they join private sessions. As Tony indicates, most of the "Backfireing" that I have observed in this context results from poor boundries on the part of the coach. Not necessarily intentionally. Joe@StopRape.com
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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jsteinmann
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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George, " I do not feel I want to open that “can of worms” any more. I wanted to experiment/train with the information I’ve been absorbing not become involved with friends personal problems" I think you answered your own question. Helping doesn't mean that you, personally, need to do all the leg work. If you really believe that your friend/student needs help, you could direct them to someone who can (crisis center, therapist, whomever). But if you don't feel like opening that "can of worms" for yourself...don't. I've found (personal experience only) that involving yourself in other peoples problems when you don't want to be just breeds irritation, annoyance, bitterness...none of which are particularly conducive to the healing process. Just some thoughts, for what they're worth. Jake
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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OpenMinded1
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Backfire was a poor choice of words. I meet with a few friends a couple times a week at my home to train. One of my friends brought a cousin along because he felt he could use the training. It did not take too long to see this person was fearful of confrontation of any kind. While explaining the difference of physical and mental FEAR along with how we process F.E.A.R. how it causes negative thoughts and sends us into a loop of disaster as well as causing us to freeze, he mentioned he was molested. I have taught traditional arts for 10 years in a “school/dojo/dojang”. I developed personal relations with some of the students at the school. Some students had problems. Some serious some not so serious. There were times I knew I could help, and did. There were times I would point out a direction to get help. When the choice was made to help there was so much time involved in helping everyone I became engulfed with more tasks than I already had, as a business owner and instructor. I created ANOTHER “HAT” I had to wear, I opened a “can of worms”. At my home, with the few people I train with, I can see that option in front of me. In the past I have made the choice to help others, but this requires time. I do not feel I want to open that “can of worms” any more. I wanted to experiment/train with the information I’ve been absorbing not become involved with friends personal problems. Do I have a responsibility as a coach/teacher/instructor/person to offer help? Thanks 4 the .02 it is always GREATLY appreciated, George
3/7/02 8:32 AM
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OpenMinded1
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Edited: 07-Mar-02
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Hello All, I have a question, As you accept people to train and or teach you will at some point, be confronted with the issue of a student man/woman/child that has actually been raped, molested or some type of serious trauma. I have had this happen on a few occasions. I usually choose getting challenged and help. Making the choice to help has also backfired and caused problems. Do you get challenged and help work with a person or do you tell them to seek professional help? George

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