OtherGround Forums Am I enabling an alcoholic?

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 11439

Buddy of mine fell off the wagon the other day.  Lost his job and place to stay, again.  He's asked me if he can crash for the next two nights, then he will have a place to stay.  My head says no but he's like a brother to me.  If I let him stay is that rewarding him for bad behavior?

3 days ago
8/3/12
Posts: 1900

It won't be just 2 nights

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 76549

Just tell him he can't drink while staying with you.

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 113668
Floppy Divac - 

Just tell him he can't drink while staying with you.


That won't work.

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 14995

If it’s 2 nights your helping,  more than that enabling.  How long was he sober?

3 days ago
5/14/08
Posts: 10279

If he lost his job and his place to stay due to his drinking then I would say yes you are enabling. 

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 76551
PatK -
Floppy Divac - 

Just tell him he can't drink while staying with you.


That won't work.

If it won't work he can't stay.

3 days ago
2/5/05
Posts: 48013

Ass, cash or grass bro 

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 4708
If he is a friend fuck a bunch of enabling crap.

Give him a place to crash for a day or two.

If he has nowhere he will end up in much worse shape IMHO.

This is what friends are for.
3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 92350

If you have to ask......

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 113671
Floppy Divac - 
PatK -
Floppy Divac - 

Just tell him he can't drink while staying with you.


That won't work.

If it won't work he can't stay.


He's already drinking, which is why he lost his job and place to stay.

At a min, he'll be sneaking drinks in

3 days ago
12/20/05
Posts: 50803

IF HE IS A FRIEND HELP HIM.............AND STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING FAGGOT..................

3 days ago
1/8/12
Posts: 2683

You need to be sure of your laws for residency. If someone has stayed with their personal items at a place for a certain amount of time you can't just kick them out.

3 days ago
9/22/09
Posts: 6737
Dryfly - If he is a friend fuck a bunch of enabling crap.

Give him a place to crash for a day or two.

If he has nowhere he will end up in much worse shape IMHO.

This is what friends are for.

Yep

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 60394
Have a plan in case he attempts to overstay his welcome. As in be prepared to physically remove him. Have somewhere you can relocate him and his belongings to.
3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 11440
Submissable -

If he lost his job and his place to stay due to his drinking then I would say yes you are enabling. 

This isn't the first time, more like the tenth time (and that's a generous guess) he's done this in the past 5 years.  This time he had about 90 days.  I've helped him plenty and feel I need to start putting a foot down.

3 days ago
3/5/14
Posts: 13204

I would say let him stay, but not until he admits to you he fucked up and has no plans to continue fucking up.  If its just you saying sure come on over without an upfront conversation who knows how it will turn out and how he will react when you eventually try to kick him out.  Lay down the law upfront if you are worried about it.

3 days ago
1/1/01
Posts: 92352
Khun Kao - Have a plan in case he attempts to overstay his welcome. As in be prepared to physically remove him. Have somewhere you can relocate him and his belongings to.

My landlords aunt, cousin, and kid are going on month 4 now.....LOL Still not paying rent......They got him good! 

3 days ago
5/14/08
Posts: 10280
fryabusa - 
Submissable -

If he lost his job and his place to stay due to his drinking then I would say yes you are enabling. 

This isn't the first time, more like the tenth time (and that's a generous guess) he's done this in the past 5 years.  This time he had about 90 days.  I've helped him plenty and feel I need to start putting a foot down.


Then IMO its time to withdraw any offer to help that isnt something directly related to his addiction like rehab, counseling or some meetings. Giving him a place to stay for a few days does not help him with his issues it just kicks the can down the road.