OtherGround Forums Sweet Revenge, Co-Worker Stealing

8/14/19 5:51 AM
3/21/07
Posts: 770
Breezah -

Need some ideas on how to retaliate against a co-worker who feels self-entitled enough to go through our company kitchens and steal food and beverages. I realize this is not uncommon, but there are some personal reasons why I can't allow this to continue, and must take action.

 

We have snack machines, so why not just go grab something? The company even provides us with free breakfast options, and an assortment of snacks, so why must he steal? 

 

As a specific example, I had a case of drinks in the fridge, he asked my assistant if they were hers, she informed him they're actually mine, and he took one anyway. 

So, to be even more clear they weren't up for grabs, I put them inside a bag in a drawer of the fridge, and this guy took them anyway. 

 

He's over 50, goes around bragging about how huge his house is, even though he lives with his mother...he's just the epitome of a douchebag with a sense of entitlement like no one I've ever encountered.

 

Although he's doing it to everyone, I feel it's my duty to take action. 

If I was able to get ahold of some AIDS, I'd rub them all over the items, and wait for the test results. 

 

Ideas?

 

 

 

 

Made a thread on this a while back.  I may or may not have rubbed my sweaty nuts on my coworkers open pack of smokes. You fuck with the bull you get the horns.

8/14/19 7:07 AM
1/1/01
Posts: 19110

Many suggestions are directly traceable to you spiking the goods and could get you fired. 

Maybe there’s a clear ink that you could smear on the cans that turns black over time. His stained hands would give him away. Not that satisfying, won’t get you fired.

8/14/19 7:32 AM
11/24/08
Posts: 773
Jump Kick -

Many suggestions are directly traceable to you spiking the goods and could get you fired. 

Maybe there’s a clear ink that you could smear on the cans that turns black over time. His stained hands would give him away. Not that satisfying, won’t get you fired.

Not if you spike your own goods. Clearly mark it as belonging to you. "I needed some Jamalgota as I was constipated. Not my fault he ate/drank my stuff"

 

 

8/14/19 9:48 AM
1/1/01
Posts: 25076
Spiking his food / drinks or even your food that he steals might get you fired. It also might be illegal.

Here's what I would do, in order of brutality.

- At around 11:30 take his lunch out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for like 10 minutes. It will burn the fuck out of it and stink up the whole office. When they find out whose food it is no one will believe that he didn't nuke his own food. They'll think he's lying, which will make him look like a schmuck. Plus, he won't have lunch that day.

- If he has an office chair with a cloth seat I would soak the seat cushion in water. It's easy to carry around a bottle of water in an office, and you just dip into his cube / office when he's not there and soak his seat. He'll sit down and have a wet ass for the rest of the day.

- Likewise, if he sits in the same chair at meetings you can arrive first and soak that chair. He'll sit down, get a wet ass, and then stand up in front of everyone and complain about it, which will make everyone laugh at him, and he'll have a wet ass the rest of the day.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

- Print up flyers to hang in the women's rest room saying, "Warning - this guy calls himself "Cabo Rick" (or whatever his name is) and will promise to take let you stay at his condo in Mexico if you go out with him. He's a broke liar and he has a small dong." If it goes well he'll get a nickname that will follow him around the office, and for at least a few hours he'll wonder why all the women in the office are snickering behind his back. If you're really lucky he'll deny it so profusely and with so much anger that it will make him look guilty as hell.
8/14/19 10:18 AM
9/18/12
Posts: 4802

Skimmed through some responses... am I the only one that thinks OP just needs to walk up to this guy and tell him to knock it off? If that fails go to HR?

Maybe I’m getting old but this thread and the responses in it are both ridiculous.

8/14/19 12:52 PM
5/15/15
Posts: 1735

Laxatives every time. Learn him a lesson

8/14/19 12:56 PM
11/14/16
Posts: 2296
Hillary's Fly -

Skimmed through some responses... am I the only one that thinks OP just needs to walk up to this guy and tell him to knock it off? If that fails go to HR?

Maybe I’m getting old but this thread and the responses in it are both ridiculous.

I feel the same way. The only person here getting pranked is OP. This dude is stealing his shit because he knows junior can’t do anything to stop it and would never be mature enough to ask him to stop or go to HR. Also, if it’s only one single Coke Zero maybe this is an overreaction 

8/14/19 12:59 PM
11/20/09
Posts: 41094
Rhymenoceros - Spiking his food / drinks or even your food that he steals might get you fired. It also might be illegal.

Here's what I would do, in order of brutality.

- At around 11:30 take his lunch out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for like 10 minutes. It will burn the fuck out of it and stink up the whole office. When they find out whose food it is no one will believe that he didn't nuke his own food. They'll think he's lying, which will make him look like a schmuck. Plus, he won't have lunch that day.

- If he has an office chair with a cloth seat I would soak the seat cushion in water. It's easy to carry around a bottle of water in an office, and you just dip into his cube / office when he's not there and soak his seat. He'll sit down and have a wet ass for the rest of the day.

- Likewise, if he sits in the same chair at meetings you can arrive first and soak that chair. He'll sit down, get a wet ass, and then stand up in front of everyone and complain about it, which will make everyone laugh at him, and he'll have a wet ass the rest of the day.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

- Print up flyers to hang in the women's rest room saying, "Warning - this guy calls himself "Cabo Rick" (or whatever his name is) and will promise to take let you stay at his condo in Mexico if you go out with him. He's a broke liar and he has a small dong." If it goes well he'll get a nickname that will follow him around the office, and for at least a few hours he'll wonder why all the women in the office are snickering behind his back. If you're really lucky he'll deny it so profusely and with so much anger that it will make him look guilty as hell.

By far this is the most helpful post in the thread.  

8/14/19 1:04 PM
6/30/07
Posts: 55692
Rhymenoceros - Spiking his food / drinks or even your food that he steals might get you fired. It also might be illegal.

Here's what I would do, in order of brutality.

- At around 11:30 take his lunch out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for like 10 minutes. It will burn the fuck out of it and stink up the whole office. When they find out whose food it is no one will believe that he didn't nuke his own food. They'll think he's lying, which will make him look like a schmuck. Plus, he won't have lunch that day.

- If he has an office chair with a cloth seat I would soak the seat cushion in water. It's easy to carry around a bottle of water in an office, and you just dip into his cube / office when he's not there and soak his seat. He'll sit down and have a wet ass for the rest of the day.

- Likewise, if he sits in the same chair at meetings you can arrive first and soak that chair. He'll sit down, get a wet ass, and then stand up in front of everyone and complain about it, which will make everyone laugh at him, and he'll have a wet ass the rest of the day.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

- Print up flyers to hang in the women's rest room saying, "Warning - this guy calls himself "Cabo Rick" (or whatever his name is) and will promise to take let you stay at his condo in Mexico if you go out with him. He's a broke liar and he has a small dong." If it goes well he'll get a nickname that will follow him around the office, and for at least a few hours he'll wonder why all the women in the office are snickering behind his back. If you're really lucky he'll deny it so profusely and with so much anger that it will make him look guilty as hell.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

 

Brilliant

8/14/19 1:08 PM
4/27/07
Posts: 7359

Laxative

8/14/19 1:18 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 25085
The great thing about stealing things and putting them in his office is that he won't notice at first, and you can really stock his desk with other people's shit. Once he gets caught he's tainted, and no one will believe anything he says.

Once that happens you don't even need to put shit in his office to get him in trouble. You can literally walk into his office, talk to him for three seconds, then bend down as if you're picking something up, reach into your pocket, and pull out Janice's souvenir pin from the Atlanta Olympics, the one she has stuck to the wall of her cube. Then you stand up and go, "WTF, Rick? Isn't this Janice's?" He'll explode, saying, "I didn't take that!!!" You just give him a look like, "Please, Rick."

After that you don't even need to plant anything in his office. You simply go up to Janice and go, "Hey, I know this is yours. I just found it near the garbage by the men's room. I guess maybe it fell out of "someone's" pocket." Janice will think Rick stole it even if you never mention his name.
8/14/19 1:21 PM
11/20/09
Posts: 41096

Rhymenoceros would be your worst enemy or your best friend.

 

I want him on my side lol

 

Savage way of thinking!  This coming from a Sicilian!

Edited: 8/14/19 1:27 PM
3/19/04
Posts: 23105
You could just print out a note at home that says, "(his name) steals food", and stick it to the fridge at eye level. He'll be embarrassed and it will likely deter him from doing it anymore because if he gets caught doing it after that note was on the fridge he'll look that much shittier.
8/14/19 1:37 PM
11/9/05
Posts: 28751
Canooke - You could just print out a note at home that says, "(his name) steals food", and stick it to the fridge at eye level. He'll be embarrassed and it will likely deter him from doing it anymore because if he gets caught doing it after that note was on the fridge he'll look that much shittier.

If one must go down the revenge path, simple shit like this is the best option.

Fucking with their property involves a certain amount risk, especially if the office is equipped with security cameras. And since the thief has never been confronted for stealing, it doesn’t address the specific problem or send the intended message. 

A note on the fridge, or applying something painful to the soda can creates a direct cause and effect, and let’s the culprit know exactly what’s going down. He also has zero recourse in such a scenario, as people are free to do whatever they want with their own consumables. He can’t go whining to management over the fact his mouth was scorched while trying to steal a soda, and the sodas owner can simply say, “yeah I like spicy shit,” even if he did.

Going around the office involving other people’s personal items, or fucking with his property, can absolutely get you fired. Rubbing a ghost paper all over the rim of a pop can will only get you laughs and the satisfaction of his pain.

8/14/19 1:47 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 25086
D241 - 

Rhymenoceros would be your worst enemy or your best friend.

 

I want him on my side lol

 

Savage way of thinking!  This coming from a Sicilian!


Want to smell some iocane powder?
8/14/19 2:08 PM
9/22/09
Posts: 6736

Cabo Rick had me lol'ing

8/14/19 2:11 PM
4/3/08
Posts: 6918
eubie5 -

This guy I used to work with had his lunch stolen out of break room fridge multiple times a week.

He announced to everyone one morning in roll call that whoever stole his lunch yesterday ate a shit sandwich, and he hoped they enjoyed it.

His lunches still came up missing.

At that point, the faggot thief was just throwing the lunches out and doing some other fucked up shit to the other guy that he didn’t know about. 

8/14/19 4:30 PM
1/25/04
Posts: 129117

Laxative-laced peanut butter and jelly sammich

8/14/19 4:45 PM
8/20/16
Posts: 351

It's illegal to contaminate food, even if it's your own. The reason for this is they can prove it's malice because you're not likely to prepare a sandwich full of laxatives for yourself, hence obviously you planned on poisoning someone. The only way to contaminate your own food is if it's something that you could pass off as intending to consume yourself -- i.e. load it up with hot sauce.  They can't prove that's malice because you might legitimately eat it yourself.

 

Liquids makes this tricky because you're not likely to put hot sauce in a beverage.

8/14/19 5:01 PM
11/9/05
Posts: 28753
blabbermouth -

It's illegal to contaminate food, even if it's your own. The reason for this is they can prove it's malice because you're not likely to prepare a sandwich full of laxatives for yourself, hence obviously you planned on poisoning someone. The only way to contaminate your own food is if it's something that you could pass off as intending to consume yourself -- i.e. load it up with hot sauce.  They can't prove that's malice because you might legitimately eat it yourself.

 

Liquids makes this tricky because you're not likely to put hot sauce in a beverage.

Malice couldn’t be proven through a laxative because it can be used for self-treatment.

Your food would have to be loaded up eye drops or something to prove ill intent.

8/14/19 5:13 PM
11/23/07
Posts: 13170
JayMan -
Breezah -
JayMan - 
NiteProwleR -
KyokushinandBJJ -

I guess a quick fix is to shake the living fuck out of a can of pop. Once he opens it, he will have a nice mess to deal with. 

This is a great idea. I bet he doesn't clean it up bit fuck it it's a must do.

Btw, don't worry about these new snitchy bitchy posters OP. They are in every thread just ignore and move forward with vengeance which I promise will be sweeter than the finest wine.

You realize that when you shake a drink, you can open it like 20 seconds later and it is like it was never shaken right?  

Just saying.


Is this true, Mr. Wizard? 

Exactly how long do I have once shaken? He's been know to take one every.single.time before a particular meeting, so I can plot it just right if I'm aware of how much of a window I need between the shake and the take.

Approximately 20 seconds.

 

This would require Mission Impossible level timing and precision. Luckily, I have many allies. :)

8/14/19 5:19 PM
11/23/07
Posts: 13171
Rhymenoceros - Spiking his food / drinks or even your food that he steals might get you fired. It also might be illegal.

Here's what I would do, in order of brutality.

- At around 11:30 take his lunch out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for like 10 minutes. It will burn the fuck out of it and stink up the whole office. When they find out whose food it is no one will believe that he didn't nuke his own food. They'll think he's lying, which will make him look like a schmuck. Plus, he won't have lunch that day.

- If he has an office chair with a cloth seat I would soak the seat cushion in water. It's easy to carry around a bottle of water in an office, and you just dip into his cube / office when he's not there and soak his seat. He'll sit down and have a wet ass for the rest of the day.

- Likewise, if he sits in the same chair at meetings you can arrive first and soak that chair. He'll sit down, get a wet ass, and then stand up in front of everyone and complain about it, which will make everyone laugh at him, and he'll have a wet ass the rest of the day.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

- Print up flyers to hang in the women's rest room saying, "Warning - this guy calls himself "Cabo Rick" (or whatever his name is) and will promise to take let you stay at his condo in Mexico if you go out with him. He's a broke liar and he has a small dong." If it goes well he'll get a nickname that will follow him around the office, and for at least a few hours he'll wonder why all the women in the office are snickering behind his back. If you're really lucky he'll deny it so profusely and with so much anger that it will make him look guilty as hell.

My absolute favorite is the wet chair. Unfortunately, he has a leather chair HE STOLE. Not even kidding!

 

Not sure that stealing valuables is a good idea, but I may consider things like gum, deodorant, chopsticks, cough drops, mints, butt wipes. Actually, now that I think about it, the cheap/harmless items would make someone seem more strange than valuables?

8/14/19 5:22 PM
11/23/07
Posts: 13172
Hillary's Fly -

Skimmed through some responses... am I the only one that thinks OP just needs to walk up to this guy and tell him to knock it off? If that fails go to HR?

Maybe I’m getting old but this thread and the responses in it are both ridiculous.

Here we go with HR again. For stealing a coke?? Dreadful. 

 

8/14/19 5:26 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 25089
Breezah -
Rhymenoceros - Spiking his food / drinks or even your food that he steals might get you fired. It also might be illegal.

Here's what I would do, in order of brutality.

- At around 11:30 take his lunch out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for like 10 minutes. It will burn the fuck out of it and stink up the whole office. When they find out whose food it is no one will believe that he didn't nuke his own food. They'll think he's lying, which will make him look like a schmuck. Plus, he won't have lunch that day.

- If he has an office chair with a cloth seat I would soak the seat cushion in water. It's easy to carry around a bottle of water in an office, and you just dip into his cube / office when he's not there and soak his seat. He'll sit down and have a wet ass for the rest of the day.

- Likewise, if he sits in the same chair at meetings you can arrive first and soak that chair. He'll sit down, get a wet ass, and then stand up in front of everyone and complain about it, which will make everyone laugh at him, and he'll have a wet ass the rest of the day.

- Steal things from other people's cubes / offices and put them in his office. If things are valuable and personal, even better. Everyone will think he's a thief (which he is).

- Print up flyers to hang in the women's rest room saying, "Warning - this guy calls himself "Cabo Rick" (or whatever his name is) and will promise to take let you stay at his condo in Mexico if you go out with him. He's a broke liar and he has a small dong." If it goes well he'll get a nickname that will follow him around the office, and for at least a few hours he'll wonder why all the women in the office are snickering behind his back. If you're really lucky he'll deny it so profusely and with so much anger that it will make him look guilty as hell.

My absolute favorite is the wet chair. Unfortunately, he has a leather chair HE STOLE. Not even kidding!

 

Not sure that stealing valuables is a good idea, but I may consider things like gum, deodorant, chopsticks, cough drops, mints, butt wipes. Actually, now that I think about it, the cheap/harmless items would make someone seem more strange than valuables?

Yep. The problem is, it would help if that stuff was labeled, so people know it doesn’t belong to him. 

8/14/19 5:35 PM
11/23/07
Posts: 13173
itskrisdude -
blabbermouth -

It's illegal to contaminate food, even if it's your own. The reason for this is they can prove it's malice because you're not likely to prepare a sandwich full of laxatives for yourself, hence obviously you planned on poisoning someone. The only way to contaminate your own food is if it's something that you could pass off as intending to consume yourself -- i.e. load it up with hot sauce.  They can't prove that's malice because you might legitimately eat it yourself.

 

Liquids makes this tricky because you're not likely to put hot sauce in a beverage.

Malice couldn’t be proven through a laxative because it can be used for self-treatment.

Your food would have to be loaded up eye drops or something to prove ill intent.

There may be something beautiful here. 

Apparently, they make chocolate laxatives.