OtherGround Forums When Father Finds out Daughter is not his

10/14/19 3:03 PM
8/20/08
Posts: 4474

Fucking hell, feel sorry for the poor cunt.

 

When a DNA Test Reveals Your Daughter Is Not Your Biological Child

A father reflects on an experience that is becoming more common.

The Atlantic |

Sarah Zhang

 

There are other sides to the story, too. The creator of DNA NPE Friends, Catherine St Clair, recently created a group for the fathers. One such father is Christopher, whose real name we are withholding at his request. Earlier this year, after buying his now-15-year-old daughter an AncestryDNA test, Christopher found out that he is not her biological father. His wife had an affair. (They also have a 13-year-old son, who is his biological child.)

Two and a half weeks after the discovery, he filed for divorce. We spoke about how revelation has changed his family, what it’s like to parent a teen going through this, and the particular difficulties of talking about this as a man.

The transcript below has been edited and condensed for clarity.

***

Zhang: How did you find out? Was it your daughter who took an AncestryDNA test?

Chris: Yes. I’m into genealogy, and so myself, my ex-wife, and the grandparents are all taking the DNA tests. They had a Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale back last year, and my daughter was curious about her ethnicity and so she asked us for a test. My ex said, “No, you already know who you are because everybody’s tested.” I knew she was lying, so I said, “Okay, I’ll buy you a test.”

Zhang: So you had already suspected something.

Chris: I knew my ex-wife was having affairs back then, and I couldn’t catch her. When I bought the test, my daughter went and told her mom, and then an hour and a half, two hours later, in the middle of the night, my ex gets up and she says, “I need to talk to you ’cause I had an affair. I think it was a two-year-long affair.”

The worst was to see the reaction of my daughter. She just cried and cried. It was like a nuclear bomb going off. It changed the dynamic for a long time between my son and her.

Zhang: How so?

Chris: My son said, “You’re the reason why our family is breaking up. You’re the reason Dad’s divorcing my mom.” I put a stop to that. I said, “No, I don’t want to ever hear that. She’s an innocent person in this.” That NPE stuff ripples throughout families. It’s pretty devastating. But my family treats her just like she’s a biological child. They consider her my daughter, their granddaughter, their niece.

Edited: 10/14/19 3:10 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 93491

Paternity fraud is real and the government will not protect you from it. 

10/14/19 3:31 PM
1/3/18
Posts: 5668

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

10/14/19 3:33 PM
9/19/19
Posts: 150

This is more common than men would like to admit

Edited: 10/14/19 3:34 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 93492
Im with the banned - 

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

 

Kid who knock up their teachers owe child support. 

 

 

Most states you have two years at the most to dispute paternity. 

 

So if somebody fingers you for a kid on 10/14/2017, you're on the hook unitil it is 18 whether you knew about it or not. 

10/14/19 3:34 PM
12/22/10
Posts: 8821
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.

10/14/19 3:38 PM
4/8/10
Posts: 5309
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.
10/14/19 3:40 PM
3/26/13
Posts: 1308
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Agreed, but it seems like the woman that caused this fiasco is being absolved of accountability.  Her body, her choice right? 

Edited: 10/14/19 3:40 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 93494

Family court doesn't care as long they don't foot the bill for a bastard. 

What is fair to "the father" is usually a distant 5th amongst the court's concerns. 

 

You guys are so completely ignorant of how fucked you are from step 1. 

10/14/19 3:41 PM
3/26/13
Posts: 1309

Why didn't he divorce her earlier when he thought she was cheating?

10/14/19 3:42 PM
9/27/15
Posts: 116

Volcano. No corpse no crime.

10/14/19 3:48 PM
9/5/11
Posts: 39690

Daughter had questions about her ethnicity, eh? Her skin ran a little on the caramel side, maybe? Perhaps a certain, questionable curl to her hair?

Fuck that taking me fifteen years to find out, but I feel for the sorry bastard. 

10/14/19 3:50 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 26848
nek - 

Why didn't he divorce her earlier when he thought she was cheating?


Because it's a bullshit made up story...
10/14/19 4:01 PM
7/31/09
Posts: 19401

What? Women cheat? Women would have you believe than only men cheat. And lol @ suspecting your wife of cheating for that long and just goin with it. 

 

Sad all around.

10/14/19 4:01 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 18126
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

10/14/19 4:18 PM
4/20/11
Posts: 18429

This happens way more often than people know. Trust me on this one.

The laws are really fucked up - just like everything else. The man gets screwed. 

10/14/19 4:23 PM
10/27/03
Posts: 24577
pharochuck -
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

That’s disturbing.

10/14/19 4:51 PM
3/26/13
Posts: 1313
Willin -

This happens way more often than people know. Trust me on this one.

The laws are really fucked up - just like everything else. The man gets screwed. 

I think in alot of situations guys either know or have a strong suspicion deep down but are simply too proud to admit it to themselves.   They don't want to come off as insecure or paranoid to others so they just live in quiet desperation.

10/14/19 4:53 PM
9/27/15
Posts: 117
pharochuck -
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

Same thing happens when kids have one parent in prison. The child blames the available parent for all there troubles. The one is prison gets a free pass.

10/14/19 4:56 PM
9/13/06
Posts: 26606
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

So the guy who isn’t given a chance to be a father, and likely doesn’t know he is a father should have to pay a ton of money out of nowhere, while the only person that actually knows, and conceals the information is again let off the hook?  These mothers need to get nothing if there is a divorce, should have to repay support if there isn’t a marriage, and should spend time in jail on fraud charges of the circumstances of the crime meet the criteria.  It’s just fraud.  Why should all of these other people pay?

10/14/19 4:56 PM
3/26/13
Posts: 1314
pharochuck -
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

It's ostensibly fucked up from a decency stand point, but the reason the daughter has cast aside your coworker in favor of the other guy is respecting him as a man.  The guy she grew up was a chump in her eyes, especially for the 5 years between her finding out and him finding out.  She sees a guy being played for a fool everyday for 5 years, she's not going to respect him.  Meanwhile, the other guy is a local celeb, has kids of his own, and was even able to get it in another man's wife and have him foot the bill.  It's shitty, but being respected as a man doesn't always correlate to one's adherence to decency. In fact, this is often the case.

10/14/19 4:57 PM
12/22/10
Posts: 8825
billyball2 -
nek - 

Why didn't he divorce her earlier when he thought she was cheating?


Because it's a bullshit made up story...

You're right.  I just realized it was an advertisement for a DNA service.  It still happens though.

10/14/19 4:58 PM
9/5/11
Posts: 39691
pharochuck -
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

Yeah, that’s incredible. 

Anyone who knows my stance on divorce knows I set a pretty high bar, but fuck this one - I’m gone. 

10/14/19 5:03 PM
8/2/19
Posts: 352
billyball2 -
nek - 

Why didn't he divorce her earlier when he thought she was cheating?


Because it's a bullshit made up story...

Why?  This shit happens all the time.  You're acting like this is exceptionally rare

 

10/14/19 5:12 PM
8/11/12
Posts: 9934
pharochuck -
CoughSyrupOD -
quality - 
Im with the banned -

This is where he should also force the wife to divulge the name of the father and get a really good lawyer to sue him for back child support. 
I don’t know if this is even something that can be done, but it sure as fuck ought to be. 

Maybe child support going forward but back child support would be ridiculous if he never knew the kid existed.


This is more reasonable. The money that was spent on raising the kid so far is gone but once paternity has been established I think it's pretty clear who should be responsible going forward.

Worked with a guy in almost same situation. He found out when his daughter was 17. They were looking for a donor for a relative that was ill. 

What he didn’t know was the mom had told her when she was 12 and had took her to meet the guy on several occasions. She was friends with his children on social media. He had noticed that these girls were calling her sis. Thought they were just friends on there

he didn’t want the guy to support. He wanted him to go away because he was ‘stealing my daughter’

the ungrateful little bitch literally made her Facebook damn near into a tribute to the other guy. Always tagging posts when she was with him and being ‘thankful’ for him. Guy is a local celeb. 

Ungrateful pos, she'll miss the poor bastard once hes gone and all she has is nothing but phonies surrounding her. Terrible.