OtherGround Forums When chicks say...

4/15/19 5:08 AM
8/8/09
Posts: 3694
'I find that aggressive', why do they do this? I recently had a run in with a girl at work who claimed my email was aggressive, when it was merely pointing out some facts to try and solve a situation. When we met in person to discuss it further, she pulled the aggressive shit on me, and said I was such a nice guy, normally, and that it displayed to her another side of my personality she had not seen. All this from some text in an email! I was immediately taken aback, because a) I never was aggressive, and b) I thought I was just being direct and firm to try and solve a problem. Either way I left concerned as I in no way would want anyone to feel that way.

I told a mate, and he said not to worry as it's just a tactic some people use to throw shit back on a person, but he couldn't stick around to tell me why.

Either way I showed a bunch of other colleagues and they didn't see anything aggressive being said at all.

Anyone able to shed any light? Am I dealing with a nutter? She seemed cool up until this incident.
4/15/19 5:28 AM
8/21/11
Posts: 360

Report her.

4/15/19 5:40 AM
2/12/16
Posts: 590

Tell her you find her deffensivness against facts and strait-forwardness to be aggressive.  It concerns you.  You hadn’t seen that side of her personality and, frankly, you’re offended.

Just turn it directly back on her without missing a beat............next time.

4/15/19 5:41 AM
8/31/11
Posts: 2750
GeorgeScoresPoints -

Report her.

For being sexually aggressive. Can’t be aggressive if you’re a victim imo

4/15/19 6:08 AM
8/8/09
Posts: 3695
ViciousJBone - 

Tell her you find her deffensivness against facts and strait-forwardness to be aggressive.  It concerns you.  You hadn’t seen that side of her personality and, frankly, you’re offended.

Just turn it directly back on her without missing a beat............next time.


Thanks, and good call. Will have to remember this, as there will most likely be a next time.
4/15/19 6:08 AM
8/8/09
Posts: 3696
MmmozzY - 
GeorgeScoresPoints -

Report her.

For being sexually aggressive. Can’t be aggressive if you’re a victim imo


Ha, visions of American beauty scene come to mind.
4/15/19 6:27 AM
6/29/02
Posts: 5692
tiger07 - 'I find that aggressive', why do they do this? I recently had a run in with a girl at work who claimed my email was aggressive, when it was merely pointing out some facts to try and solve a situation. When we met in person to discuss it further, she pulled the aggressive shit on me, and said I was such a nice guy, normally, and that it displayed to her another side of my personality she had not seen. All this from some text in an email! I was immediately taken aback, because a) I never was aggressive, and b) I thought I was just being direct and firm to try and solve a problem. Either way I left concerned as I in no way would want anyone to feel that way.

I told a mate, and he said not to worry as it's just a tactic some people use to throw shit back on a person, but he couldn't stick around to tell me why.

Either way I showed a bunch of other colleagues and they didn't see anything aggressive being said at all.

Anyone able to shed any light? Am I dealing with a nutter? She seemed cool up until this incident.

Pointing out facts and sticking to the bullet points doesn't work with women.  They are all about feelings, emotions, and presentation.

It's why The US work world is turning into a shit show.  Everyone is so worried about watching what they say and how they proceed that nothing practicle or tangible gets done.

I worked in a female dominated field and if I could go back and talk to my younger self I would say, :I don't care how badly you think you want to be a physical therapist - you don't.  The feminization of health care will drive you nuts.  Go into computer engineering."

4/15/19 6:31 AM
4/12/11
Posts: 11680

People these days are pussies. Direct communication is seen as agressive because they have little to no experience with it. Pussies!

4/15/19 6:55 AM
8/8/09
Posts: 3698
Yeah, it seems to be going that way. Crazy. And as Dagwood said, it makes you gun shy to say anything at all to these sorts of people.
4/15/19 7:35 AM
8/9/16
Posts: 20695

Rules,  Jeff Fagwell... 

4/15/19 7:38 AM
6/29/09
Posts: 10609
have someone else look over the e-mail before you do anything.
4/15/19 7:43 AM
12/24/10
Posts: 3250

Shove your hand down her pants and grab her by the pussy

4/15/19 9:27 AM
1/14/16
Posts: 11271

Nah man... the rest of us dont get that... they are just saying it to you...

(Also this post was a little aggressive, OP)

4/15/19 9:41 AM
1/1/01
Posts: 89774

Why? "Because she can."

What does she want? "More"

 

 

4/15/19 11:39 AM
1/28/09
Posts: 1904
Women are fucked in the head. Plain and simple.
4/15/19 12:37 PM
12/9/02
Posts: 12718

chics say it for the same reason dudes tell chics to calm down. its a way of taking control of a conversation

"i find that aggressive"

"ok,calm down"

"yeah I find that agressive too"

"yeah sure , just calm down"

"stop being so aggressive"

"you really need to calm down"

and on and on and on

4/15/19 12:49 PM
8/14/02
Posts: 51571

Ask for specifics about what language you used that she found aggressive.  If she can articulate it well, then maybe she's right

4/15/19 1:03 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 19914
I did govt. contract work in Iraq for 13 months in '05-'06 and another 10 months in '07-'08. I had an office job and basically just sat behind a desk the whole time. However, during my second stint, I ended up being one the one with the second most amount of time in country / experience (including our manager), so I ended up training all our new hires.

We had this black woman come out to work for us and the first 2-3 weeks, all she did was brag about her banking industry experience, how she was supposedly a real shot caller in the Atlanta financial scene, how much of a bigwig she'd been at one point in her career, etc.

Yet, she had to be about the dumbest person I've ever encountered. None of the work we did was complicated - it was basically all just clerk stuff. She was rotated to every different job / task we had, and there wasn't one she couldn't do properly. In fact, she screwed up one of our software modules so badly, that she had to work OT one night, so she could be on the phone with not only people in our Houston home office, but people from the software company itself (SAP) to see if they could figure out how to unfuck it.

To give you an idea, I rolled out the software module at another camp / location during my first stint in Iraq, and never had a single problem.

The thing that made it such a pain in the dick was that I was responsible for continually checking her work, making sure it was right, correcting her fuckups, etc. However, because I was just a "senior" version of the same job title she had and not an actual supervisor or manager, she didn't report to me.

She walks in one day wearing a surgical mask. I shrug it off, and she's bitching about all the sand in the air. We weren't having a sandstorm or anything like that - it was just another normal, windy-ass day in the Iraqi desert.

Anyway, I put yet another stack of files back on her desk that she's fucked up once again with post-it notes on everything she needs to fix...and there was a *lot*. This was the kinda work literally every picks up and has a handle on after a week or two. We were multiple months in and she was screwing it up worse than someone in their first few days.

I told her I needed the files fixed and back to me by that afternoon. She said she'd "see what she could do". I told her, "no", that I needed them fixed so I could sign off on them and we could get them out on a shipment the next day.

"Well, I need to see if I can recover from all this sand in my lungs...I never expected it to be like this. And we work such long hours...I never had to work like this at (whatever bank)."

I couldn't take it any more.

I turned to her, telling her (yes, quite sternly), "Listen - I'm not sure what you were expecting. Everybody knows it's 12 hours/day, 7 days/week before you come out. So how did you *not* know you'd be working this many hours? And if you can't handle the sand now, you should go home - we haven't even had any sandstorms, you haven't had to deal with the crazy rains, and oh yeah - it's gonna get another 50-60 degrees hotter in the next couple months."

She tries to stick up for herself about all the progress she's made on getting better at doing the work.

I lost it again:

"But you're NOT any better at doing the work! I have to continually correct you, every time you correct it, you not only make different mistakes, but mess up stuff that was correct the first time you did it! This is work any high schooler could easily do, yet in ALL the people I've trained, nobody has EVER had the trouble you do. I don't know what it takes to teach you."

She stands up, looks me square in the eye, clears her throat, & says:

"Is this because I'm a woman or because I'm black?"
4/15/19 1:05 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 82774
She wants your sting.
4/15/19 1:06 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 89788
OJTT_Wiggy - I did govt. contract work in Iraq for 13 months in '05-'06 and another 10 months in '07-'08. I had an office job and basically just sat behind a desk the whole time. However, during my second stint, I ended up being one the one with the second most amount of time in country / experience (including our manager), so I ended up training all our new hires.

We had this black woman come out to work for us and the first 2-3 weeks, all she did was brag about her banking industry experience, how she was supposedly a real shot caller in the Atlanta financial scene, how much of a bigwig she'd been at one point in her career, etc.

Yet, she had to be about the dumbest person I've ever encountered. None of the work we did was complicated - it was basically all just clerk stuff. She was rotated to every different job / task we had, and there wasn't one she couldn't do properly. In fact, she screwed up one of our software modules so badly, that she had to work OT one night, so she could be on the phone with not only people in our Houston home office, but people from the software company itself (SAP) to see if they could figure out how to unfuck it.

To give you an idea, I rolled out the software module at another camp / location during my first stint in Iraq, and never had a single problem.

The thing that made it such a pain in the dick was that I was responsible for continually checking her work, making sure it was right, correcting her fuckups, etc. However, because I was just a "senior" version of the same job title she had and not an actual supervisor or manager, she didn't report to me.

She walks in one day wearing a surgical mask. I shrug it off, and she's bitching about all the sand in the air. We weren't having a sandstorm or anything like that - it was just another normal, windy-ass day in the Iraqi desert.

Anyway, I put yet another stack of files back on her desk that she's fucked up once again with post-it notes on everything she needs to fix...and there was a *lot*. This was the kinda work literally every picks up and has a handle on after a week or two. We were multiple months in and she was screwing it up worse than someone in their first few days.

I told her I needed the files fixed and back to me by that afternoon. She said she'd "see what she could do". I told her, "no", that I needed them fixed so I could sign off on them and we could get them out on a shipment the next day.

"Well, I need to see if I can recover from all this sand in my lungs...I never expected it to be like this. And we work such long hours...I never had to work like this at (whatever bank)."

I couldn't take it any more.

I turned to her, telling her (yes, quite sternly), "Listen - I'm not sure what you were expecting. Everybody knows it's 12 hours/day, 7 days/week before you come out. So how did you *not* know you'd be working this many hours? And if you can't handle the sand now, you should go home - we haven't even had any sandstorms, you haven't had to deal with the crazy rains, and oh yeah - it's gonna get another 50-60 degrees hotter in the next couple months."

She tries to stick up for herself about all the progress she's made on getting better at doing the work.

I lost it again:

"But you're NOT any better at doing the work! I have to continually correct you, every time you correct it, you not only make different mistakes, but mess up stuff that was correct the first time you did it! This is work any high schooler could easily do, yet in ALL the people I've trained, nobody has EVER had the trouble you do. I don't know what it takes to teach you."

She stands up, looks me square in the eye, clears her throat, & says:

"Is this because I'm a woman or because I'm black?"

4/15/19 1:11 PM
1/1/01
Posts: 89789

Wiggy, 

It must have been hard working there after you talked to your new boss like that. 

4/15/19 1:20 PM
8/10/16
Posts: 488
tiger07 -
ViciousJBone - 

Tell her you find her deffensivness against facts and strait-forwardness to be aggressive.  It concerns you.  You hadn’t seen that side of her personality and, frankly, you’re offended.

Just turn it directly back on her without missing a beat............next time.


Thanks, and good call. Will have to remember this, as there will most likely be a next time.

Just make sure you don’t spell anything close to “deffensivness” because that’s not a word, and even if it was, that’s not how it’s spelled. The word you’re looking for is her “defensive” email/tone, etc. Nothing screws up your point like not knowing how to spell.

4/15/19 2:42 PM
8/14/02
Posts: 51577
PreachinJosh - 
tiger07 -
ViciousJBone - 

Tell her you find her deffensivness against facts and strait-forwardness to be aggressive.  It concerns you.  You hadn’t seen that side of her personality and, frankly, you’re offended.

Just turn it directly back on her without missing a beat............next time.


Thanks, and good call. Will have to remember this, as there will most likely be a next time.

Just make sure you don’t spell anything close to “deffensivness” because that’s not a word, and even if it was, that’s not how it’s spelled. The word you’re looking for is her “defensive” email/tone, etc. Nothing screws up your point like not knowing how to spell.


Why are you getting uppity about a typo?  Defensiveness absolutely is a word, and so what if he spelled it wrong?  

4/15/19 3:05 PM
12/15/00
Posts: 19676
I worked at a job like 20 years ago and the manager reminded me of Sly Stallone.

A female employee would always get all worked up and emotional about the most minor of issues and one day she is going on and on and he said something back to her in a normal tone (definitely not yelling, stern, but not yelling). She said "I don't respond well to being yelled at, I don't understand why you have to raise your voice."

His response was gold...

"I didn't even raise my voice, maybe what I said was so right that when you heard it, it just echoed loudly in your head..."
4/15/19 3:08 PM
11/17/10
Posts: 47527

be very careful around a coworker/female like that

she is just WAITING to make a complaint about something sombody did "to her"

id also meet with HR and just let them know about it, show them the email to get their assessment, and let them know how she reacted to it and how she accused you of being "Aggressive"

 

cover yourself