These particular martial arts would most definitely get you killed in real life

Saturday, February 09, 2019

Which martial art is the best for street self-defense? This question has been around since the beginning of time and is always highly debated.

Every martial art has something to offer but no martial art can stand on its own. Maybe an Aikido move will work against a drunk, untrained jerk at a bar but it won’t work against a 240lb athletic linebacker-esque attacker, generally speaking.

The main problem in a lot of traditional and exotic martial arts is that they don’t practice against real resistance but claim their techniques will work during a real-life scenario. It makes little sense logically. If one never practices against real resistance, how do you know it works against real resistance?

Ultimately, it’s about the practitioner, not the actual art itself. However, if you’ve been practicing a particular ineffective art for long enough, those moves become automatic. And if the automatic moves are not effective, you’re gonna have a bad time in a real self-defense situation.

Let’s take a look at 10 martial arts that would probably get you killed in a real-life self-defense situation.

10) Aikido

Yes. It looks awesome! But … Regardless of what your Uncle Bob told you about the time he disarmed 3 guys in a bar with Aikido, you’re better off grabbing a beer bottle off a table and using it to defend yourself. It will be just like in a Steven Seagal movie, except you’ll probably win unless of course, it’s Steven Seagal himself! Grab my wrist. No, the other wrist.

I wish Aikido worked like this against real resistance - that would be something!
I wish Aikido worked like this against real resistance – that would be something!

—–

I wish Aikido worked like this against real resistance - that would be something!
Aikido sure looks awesome…

————————————————–

9) Systema

If you’re not familiar with the style, it’s basically Russian Krav Maga with some George Dillman/Yellow Bamboo-esque no touch KO nonsense thrown in.

This Russian-born fighting method has generated discussions and heated arguments in the modern combatives/martial disciplines realm at levels rarely experienced by other methodologies. It is often ridiculed and summarily dismissed by self-proclaimed “reality-based combatives” experts and adherents.

Systema
Systema

—–

Systema's Mikhail Ryabko
Systema’s Mikhail Ryabko

————————————————–

8) Baguazhang

Just like any classical martial art. Like swimming on dry land. If someone’s primary goal is self-defense, take a modern combat style, not Baguazhang.

Surely if Bagua is effective in a real-life self-defense situation there should be a video of it being used someplace, right? Sorry, I couldn’t find any. But I found these cool pics instead.

Baguazhang
Baguazhang

—–

Baguazhang - yeah, this happens all the time in real situations...
Baguazhang – yeah, this happens all the time in real situations…

————————————————–

7) McDojo

McDojo is a pejorative term used by some Western martial artists to describe a martial arts school where image or profit is of higher importance than technical standards.

While using the term McDojo primarily indicates judgment of a school’s financial or marketing practices, it also implies that the teaching standards of such school are much lower than that of other martial arts schools, or that the school presents non-martial arts training as martial arts. Sometimes a McDojo’s practices may border on fraud, which is sometimes called the practice of bullshido. McDojo sets in at the number 4 least effective martial art.

McDojo
McDojo

—–

————————————————–

6) Ranger Intensive Program (RIP)

Now, you can’t always tell who’s going to win a fight based solely on physical appearance, but in the case of Greg “Ranger” Stott vs. Mark Kerr at UFC 12 well … yeah, you totally could. When one guy is a gargantuan former Division I national wrestling champion and the other is fat little jarhead who comes to fight in his khaki, military-issue nut-huggers, you don’t have to be Joey Odessa to make a favorite.

Stott rolled in repping a fighting style called the Ranger Intensive Program (RIP, get it?) and declared that when he got in the Octagon he’d prove why “RIP rules and all other styles rest in peace.”

Snappy, right? Didn’t help him in the fight, though. If what we saw against Kerr is any indication, RIP was mostly based on throwing weirdo, simultaneous jumping punch-kicks until your opponent grabs you around your tiny, balding head and knocks you stiff with a single knee.

Ranger Intensive Program in the early UFCs...
Ranger Intensive Program in the early UFCs…

—–

Ranger Intensive Program (RIP)
Ranger Intensive Program (RIP)

————————————————–

5) Combat Tai Chi

The idea here is that a practitioner utilizes their body’s own dynamic resistance, going through a snail’s pace series of katas to prepare themselves for a real-time confrontation. The problem is, since they have no real-time experience, they can easily be overcome with, you know, actual resistance.

Tai chi advocates will say they employ their opponents’ energy against them with little effort – the classic McDojo defense – without ever acknowledging that they have no idea how to implement that when being attacked by someone both violent and prepared.

Combat Tai Chi?
Combat Tai Chi?

—–

————————————————–

4) Kyusho Jitsu

Every time this “Martial Art” style is tested outside of an instructor’s own dojo with anyone who is not a student of the style, the result is always the same. Nothing happens. These masters fail time and time again to apply this to reality. Essentially this is because the whole system is based on suggestion, meaning that if someone believes it to work, then they will be susceptible to it. It´s unlikely that Jedi mind trick powers work in real life.

Dillman's Kyusho Jitsu
Dillman’s Kyusho Jitsu

—–

————————————————–

3) Dim Mak

Dim Mak (death touch) is an ancient martial art that consists of striking certain points on the body to cause illness or death. The points are usually called dim mak points, but they are also referred to as vital points and pressure points.

The ability to disable, paralyze, kill, or render a person unconscious with touches or a series of touches to special nerve points on the body, often referred to as acupuncture or acupressure points, is completely fictitious. Nerves do not serve this function. As has been proven time and time again in clinical trials, acupuncture using traditional acupuncture points produces results no better than random points on the body.

By any reasonable analysis, this means acupuncture points, as they are traditionally defined, do not exist. There is nothing special or unusual about the nerves or other anatomical features at so-called acupuncture points, and no clinical effect can be demonstrated by using them. Thus, by extension, any martial arts attack that claims acupuncture points as its foundation is based on a false premise.

Dim Mak
Dim Mak

—–

Spock's Dim Mak
Spock’s Dim Mak

————————————————–

2) Yellow Bamboo

This is a Balinese martial art that uses psychic energy. This style is kind of like a worse version of Dillman’s system. At least pressure point fighting involves some degree of physical contact sometimes. In Yellow Bamboo, they literally think they’re sorcerers. If there are any filmmakers reading this, I’d highly recommend profiling a Yellow Bamboo club in a documentary about self-deception. That would be legitimately fascinating.

Yellow Bamboo. Don't mess wit it
Yellow Bamboo. Don’t mess wit it

—–

————————————————–

1) Empty Force

Wikipedia defines the martial arts technique of Empty Force as “the expression of force without making physical contact.” Basically, empty force works brilliantly as a method of self-defense, as long as your attackers believe in it too. Otherwise, you’re in trouble.

EFO’ers advertise that there’s zero technique involved and that you can skip classes without missing out on learning:

“With Efo, there are no specific forms or techniques and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself. In Efo there are no “courses” that would start and end somewhere. Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind, and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train at any time. And if you can’t join each and every session, you won’t miss anything irreplaceable.”

—–

—–

Judging from the video, the Efo website is telling the truth; you won’t miss a damn thing from ditching this guy’s classes. Wtf?